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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to resent being sent a wrist link by my DSis?

53 replies

sconequeen · 25/07/2015 23:59

My 4 year old DS managed to get separated from me recently at an event. We all got a fright but he did exactly what I had told him to do - went straight to an event steward (who was wearing the kind of hi-vis waistcoat I had told DS and my older DD, as soon as we arrived at the venue, to go to if they got lost) and we were re-united within a couple of minutes. I've discussed with DS and DD on various occasions since then about what happened and we've talked about how they must stay close by me at all times. He has also had "stranger danger" talks at nursery which we have then followed up by talking about at home.

My DSis, who must have heard about this incident from another family member, as I didn't tell her, has now sent me a wrist link (sort of lead thing you use to attach yourself to a young child) via Amazon - no phone call, text or email commenting/explaining why, just a package through the post to me.

I do actually already have a wrist link (never used to date as there has never been any problem before) which I was seriously considering using with DS the next time we are at an event with crowds. And if I didn't already have one but wanted one I could easily get one for myself.

AIBU to be offended by DSis sending me this? The background, by the way, is that DSis often over-rides how I am handling my DS and DD when she is with us, for example by giving them different instructions from what I have just asked them to do, or weighing n to tell them they have been naughty when I have already dealt with it the way I thought best. Am I just being over-sensitive?

OP posts:
DidILeaveTheGasOn · 26/07/2015 07:10

She doesn't sound like she's being a nice Aunty. She sounds smug, controlling and very I-know-best. I am another one thinking she doesn't have kids.

My sis would be like this, but we don't see each other. The last time I saw her with young toddler dd, dd was in her 'up, up!' phase, where she basically wanted to be carried by me at all times. I was trying to encourage her to walk a bit more. My sister saw me ask dd to walk a bit, dd burst into the truly heartbroken cries of a 2 year old and my sis immediately responded with, 'she will actually think you don't love her now.'

I, to my shame later, went on to try to justify myself.

DoreenLethal · 26/07/2015 07:11

Return to sender. Already got one, but so kind. Smile. Nod.

Take your own kids hands and walk off next time.

BumpTheElephant · 26/07/2015 07:52

I don't think you're being over sensitive at all! I think your sister sounds like a bitch! Not a nice thing to do in my opinion and I highly doubt she was just being helpful.
She clearly doesn't respect you and think her way is the only way.

I'm glad you found your ds quickly and all is fine.

turningvioletviolet · 26/07/2015 07:54

your sister cares about your children. That's what I get from your posts. Loving extended families are a good thing ime. And who wants to get into detailed conversations with random strangers avout whether you are or aren't the child your with parent?

Scoobydoo8 · 26/07/2015 08:05

I would say you are the youngest, or at least younger than her, and she is continuing the sibling arrangement - imagine how capable you feel as, say a 10 year old when you have a baby sis, that's how she still sees it.
And I would say the wrist link could be a pa reprimand, 'Oh dear, scone I am having to sort out again, thank goodness you have someone sensible and capable in your life to keep you right'.

I am a 'big' sis and know how this goes. My much younger DSis is still seen as naughty nuisance by the rest of the siblings (she is 52).

I would also say she is a bit jealous of you having a cute little one.

She will be the DGM from hell in the future!

RattieofCatan · 26/07/2015 10:17

With the wrist link I think it'd depend on your relationship to your sister. If it had been my sister, it would have been a way of telling me that I'm wrong and putting me in my place (she knows best type thing), so I would be pissed off.

RE her taking over, I think that's okay (to an extent) but not the undermining. I would have to tell her to stop the undermining and would actually get quite arsey about that.

ThoseAwfulCurtains · 26/07/2015 10:48

Maybe she didn't put the passer by right because she would love to have children of her own Sad

FryOneFatManic · 26/07/2015 11:37

I don't think you are BU at all. The overall picture I get is that your sis feels she knows best and undermines you.

I don't think you should let the undermining go, actually, or she'll just continue to think she can carry on.

autumnboys · 26/07/2015 11:43

In respect of her jumping in, my firstborn has a bossy streak and I sometimes say in a light way 'when I need you to co-parent with me, I'll let you know'. Might be worth a try?

AmysTiara · 26/07/2015 11:43

I don't think you are being unreasonable, I get where you're coming from.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 26/07/2015 12:29

Meh. My friend sent me a book about hoarding! And how to de-clutter. I just laughed and stashed it with my other thousand dusty books.

5madthings · 26/07/2015 12:36

thoseawfulcurtains the ops sister has her own children, now grown up.

Op I can see why this is irritating, she sounds a bit overbearing where your kids are concerned, maybe she thinks she is being helpful. I like autumboys response.

Original poster
sconequeen · 26/07/2015 12:40

Thanks everyone. We do get all on fine as a family but some of that is down to me biting my tongue a lot! Interesting to hear that some people have the same experiences with their sister.

Funnily enough, she is the younger sibling - I'm the older one - and she has two grown-up children. I think maybe she sees herself as the alpha female in the family as she was married and had children a long time before me.

She will be the DGM from hell in the future! I think you are right!

Thanks for suggestion of identity wristbands too. Great idea.

OP posts:
PiperChapstick · 26/07/2015 12:41

I get it OP, I don't think you're being over sensitive. It seems like a bit of a PA dig. She should have asked or suggested it.

TheReason · 26/07/2015 12:55

My sister is like this so i understand why you are annoyed.

My DSis gives out to my children in my presence before I have the chance to deal with it myself.

Also DSis is always telling my DCs they can't do certain things which they are allowed to do. It annoys me so much. Once when DS1 was aged one and was crying for something she said 'he has to learn he can't always get whatever he wants!' I gave him the thing he was crying for - he's my child and he's only 1!!

DS1 has aspergers and sometimes he needs people to give him some space or he gets wound up and annoyed. I have to repeatedly remind DSis to back off. I think she thinks she knows best and that she's some sort of natural with kids (which she's not).

My other DSis is much better in her interactions - she'll manage my DCs behaviour in a better way. She doesn't try to constant discipline them - just plays with them and if they act badly and I'm there then she lets me sort it out.

Roomba · 26/07/2015 13:02

Surely she was just trying to help? Unless there is a lot of back story involved here...

My DS is 3, and a bit of a bolter. I use a wrist strap when necessary but I hate it for one sole reason... When I try and put it on, DS screams hysterically, 'NOOO! Dont make me use the STRAP-ON Mummy ! I don't like the STRAP-ON it HURTS!' Which is obviously a bit embarrassing Blush Grin

BackforGood · 26/07/2015 14:50

For example, if we are out for a walk, she will take their hands and walk off with them

Perfectly normal. I I were out with my nieces and nephews (when they were little) they would tend to walk with me, as the novelty factor rather than their Mum who is with them every day. Equally, when my dc were near other relations, they'd be drawn to them rather than us, as they see us every day.

From your posts, it looks like you are looking for issues where there are none.

PicaK · 26/07/2015 15:04

I'm with you. Sister is being high handed and irritating.
She's made her own decision about what happened and why and is proffering her solution. I'd stamp on it then burn it.
but then she doesn't have kids. Content yourself with how mortified she might be with herself when she does. And save it so you can hand it back with your sweetest smile.

Floggingmolly · 26/07/2015 15:08

He went straight to the event steward, as he'd been told to do. That's good, of course, but he still wandered off in the first place, didn't he?

BettyCatKitten · 26/07/2015 15:14

Some children are more likely to wander off than others. I have 4 dc's and 2 have wandered off, very briefly, but I don't think its that unusual. Most people o know have had a child wander off or sometimes bolt.
Your sis sounds like a bossy Madame and you need to put her in her place.

Hissy · 26/07/2015 15:16

Return the wrist link back to Amazon.

I agree she's done this to make a comment. Not her place. Send it back and don't mention it again.

Noctilucent · 26/07/2015 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hissy · 26/07/2015 15:19

You should be proud of your son, that was fantastic of him to remember the procedure.

I still agree with my ds what we'll do in the event of getting separated. It gives them the tools to manage large scale situations, and makes them aware of risk, and what to do if in the event of separation.

He did go and sit and chat in a playground tunnel once and scare me half to death

BackforGood · 26/07/2015 17:27

But Noctilucent - the Aunty isn't, it's just the OP's perception, not that the Aunty is doing anything strange. Also, no, if I'm out and about with other people's children, and they comment how nicely the children are behaving or make some other 'passing conversation' comment, I wouldn't start explaining to random strangers that they aren't my children. I'd smile, thank them, and pass the compliment on the the dcs' parents when I saw them.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 26/07/2015 21:05

I think silver is right, post it back in the way it was sent.

You can control your relationship.

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