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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to want to get a cat when three of my close friends are allergic?

54 replies

DangerGrouse · 25/07/2015 14:33

I live alone with my toddler and I really want to get a cat. I grew up with them, I find them great company and love having a furry friend to snuggle on a lonely night. They make me feel calm and happy and I like coming home to them blah blah I just like cats you get the picture.
The problem is that I have a group of four very close friends who I see weekly and three of them are allergic to cats.
This is a real dilemma for me as I really value having visitors and need my friends to come and see me - also for company! I don't want them to feel uncomfortable in my house or not want to come round because they are allergic to the cat.
What should I do? Any solutions oh wise women?

OP posts:
ThomasRichard · 25/07/2015 15:59

YANBU but you need to accept that they might not visit as much/at all. I no longer visit a very old friend of mine as my allergy to her dogs has got steadily worse over the years and makes me really quite ill even dosed up to my eyeballs on antihistamines and inhalers. As a pp said, it takes days for the symptoms to go away and as soon as I get home I need to put all my clothes through the wash, have a thorough shower and have the car valeted. It's miserable. We now meet for a meal somewhere when I visit.

Mistigri · 25/07/2015 17:21

If you value your friends' visits there are some things you can do to make them more comfortable in a cat-owning house, like replacing carpets with tiled or wooden floors and minimising soft furnishings.

I am very allergic to cats and dogs, and in the UK it was a huge problem (going into a house with dogs in particular would make me very ill very quickly) but we are now abroad where tiled floors are the norm and I can tolerate being in houses with pets more easily - although overnight stays are only possible if at least one room is kept completely animal free.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/07/2015 17:24

List of less allergy-causing cats.

MyHovercraftIsFullOfEels · 25/07/2015 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DangerGrouse · 26/07/2015 07:30

Thank you to all for taking the time to reply , really interesting points of views and loads of stuff I didn't know about like some cats are more allergy inducing than others. Good tips about keeping piriton in the house etc.
I'm still a bit unsure about whether to do it or not based on the varying accounts and stories! That's the thing about this site, you get 'definitely don't do it!' To 'definitely do it!' And everything in between.
I have however had a lovely time looking up Siberian cats on gumtree. Gorgeous creatures!

OP posts:
jeanswithatwist · 26/07/2015 07:42

I have always been allergic to cats but discovered I wasn't allergic to long haired females! Try one of them

HermioneWeasley · 26/07/2015 07:44

I think you should ask your friends. But if you need them to come to you, it's pretty inhospitable to make it uncomfortable for them.

If you were one of my very best friends, I might be willing to struggle through for a couple of hours, but I would dread it every time and I would definitely come over less often.

HermioneWeasley · 26/07/2015 07:45

Disclaimer - I am at the severe end of the scale - wheezing, skin reactions and ongoing. Effects which last for days. Rule of thumb is about one day of ongoing symptoms for every hour I spend in a house with cats.

Crosbybeach · 26/07/2015 07:52

My closest friend can't visit any more since we got the cat, she tried the dosing with antihistamines etc but would feel her throat closing up after a few minutes. It's a real pain to be honest as it makes it much more difficult to meet up. She can come and sit in garden in summer but then her hayfever gets her...

DH v allergic to cats, dust and pollen, but kind of puts up with it. I think he'd rather we didn't have a cat but won't actually re home it.

I'd say don't get one till you are at a stage where it's ok to always meet your friends outside the house.

EugenesAxe · 26/07/2015 08:02

I would ask your friends' opinion and whether they'd be alright taking antihistamines. Be blunt. Many people have cats; they must have to cope to an extent!

Pumpkinpositive · 26/07/2015 08:07

of course you should. Your friends can take antihistamines and as about 75% of people who are "allergic" are just saying that because they don't like them, only one is likely to be affected.

Do you have a link for that stat? Hmm

OP, I am highly allergic to cats and I dislike them. I take antihistamine if I've going to be around them and it takes the edge off it, but only the edge. I tend to keep any visits to cat owners houses very short.

MY late brother, on the other hand, experienced massive asthma attacks not just from being in the immediate vincinity of his triggers (smoking, cats, dogs) but people who owned cats/dogs. There must have been an allergen transfer on their clothes.

Depending on the level of the allergy, you may have to steel yourself for only meeting your friends outside of your home. Only you can decide if it's worth it. I have a friend who'd be perfectly happy with that (he has five cats).

StatisticallyChallenged · 26/07/2015 08:19

Another potential for the less allergy triggering list is maine coons. Big fluff balls but seem to cause far less reaction in some allergic friends than our previous short haired moggies. They drop little tufts of hair rather than individual strands which might be a factor as it flies about less.

JasperDamerel · 26/07/2015 08:22

Maine Coons were the ones that triggered my super violent reaction.

Crosbybeach · 26/07/2015 08:42

It's not the hair that most people are allergic to, it's the dander, so little bits of cat skin. You can get wipes to cut that down, my cat doesn't like having that done. The allergic reactions can be severe.

Orangeanddemons · 26/07/2015 08:42

I wouldn't visit. Severe allergies, asthma, and my face swells up which is scary. Cleaning makes no difference, and it gets worse as I get older. As for antihistamines...pfff...they are worse than useless

cavamonster · 26/07/2015 08:52

If you want a cat - go for it! You will have all week to enjoy it however be prepared that the friends won't visit.

I'm allergic, don't react well to piriton and anyway I feel uncomfortable around cats after years of bad reactions so I don't visit people with cats - my choice just like it's your choice to have one. If anyone was upset I wouldn't visit, or questioned my decision, I'd question their friendship.

LikeTheShoes · 26/07/2015 09:31

Meh, get new friends.

thebestfurchinchilla · 26/07/2015 10:16

MY dd is allergic to cats. MIL had one and we just gave her piriton before visiting. I wouldn't put off getting a cat because of people who don't live with you.

thebestfurchinchilla · 26/07/2015 10:18

Obviously some are far more allergic tan my dd who got a stuffy nose and watery eyes around cats, even if the car was outside because it's hair or dander was deep in the carpet fibres etc. Perhaps you will arrange to see those friends at their house or only have them over in the summer if you have a garden!

alrayyan · 26/07/2015 11:27

pissing myself at requesting stats for my theory. but perfectly confirms my theory that some allergic cat haters are definitely not fun to be around and therefore best avoided.

AuntyMag10 · 26/07/2015 11:38

I think it would be really ridiculous of you to expect your friends to be popping antihistamines every time they visit. You know what's the situation right now. You just need to decide which one is worth sacrificing more.

bruffin · 26/07/2015 11:41

Auntymeg
if you have allergies there is a good chance you are popping antihistamines most days. Its not cocaine

Jenijena · 26/07/2015 11:51

We'd love a cat, but have this quandary too. My sister, who lives abroad, visits twice a year and stays for about 10 nights a year but would not visit if we had a cat. In fact even the mention of it got her very upset. Given that we're fairly short of family-who-will-make-the-effort-to-see-us, we still haven't decided what to do.

sparkysparkysparky · 26/07/2015 12:03

If you are determined, go on amazon and look up Petal Cleanse and associated products to help keep dander down. Invest in an air purifier which is over 100 pounds.
Are they also allergic to dogs? Do you have the domestic set up that would suit a dog. Haven't rtft.

Orangeanddemons · 26/07/2015 12:30

Petal cleanse does nothing for my allergies