I'd like a pair of good quality, skinny/slim fit, dark wash jeans.
I don't want a super high waist that gives me camel toe, I don't want baggy crotch, I don't want a jegging that will stretch out of shape within three wears, I don't want 90s fit that gives you an elephant bum, I don't want ripped knees, embroidered flowers, diamanté bits or ankle grazers, I don't want to pay £60, I don't want stone wash or acid wash or yellow or burn out or aztec print, I don't want poor sizing or tiny pockets that make your bum look weird, I don't want 90% lycra, I don't want them to be called Alice or Luella or fucking Tabitha when it bears no relation to the fit of the jean, and most of all I'd like to know what my size is without having to try on three different sizes in each style because it's bloody exhausting.
The search continues....