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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My Nan shouting at DD, age 3.

40 replies

Penguin29 · 23/07/2015 21:05

My nan is over to visit, we had arranged to pick her up at lunch time to go for lunch in town.

However there was no way with habing an extra seat in the car that I would get my pram in too. So I walked on down whilst my husband picked up my nan.

When she arrived to meet me, first time she's seen DD in 18 months she said Hello but when my nan went to touch her she shouted no no no, out of no where my nan shouted will you shut up silly child so this made me DD scream then she shouted in her face shut up now!!

I said she's only shy, don't talk to my DD like that.

During the meal that my mum and sister attended my nan didn't speak to me once to even speak let alone home arrangements.

So I left when my sister had to go back to work to grab some breast pads from boots and to come back, just gave an excuse to let nervous DD have 5 mins away from the stern looks she was getting from my nan.

Anyhow the hole in the wall ate my card, on payday grrr, so I called DH to come and get me immediately, at this point I didn't consider my nan and just wanted to get home as DS was nearly due a feed.

When I got in the car I text all of them explaining the card and that I was going home, anyway.... This is the string of texts that follow.

Nan: When you offered to pick me up, I thought you'd be dropping me back to your mum's!
Fortunately Sarah was there and gave me lift!

Me- You were hinting that you had to wait in town for 3 hours, I came to the conclusion that this was because you didn't want to spend another car journey with 'my screaming child' as you so kindly put it to Mum and S whilst I took A to the loo.

Also I didn't want to put either of my toddlers in the situation of possibly of you shouting 'shut up' in their faces ever again! I don't want to fall out with you but the way you spoke to A was unnecessary, rude and I am annoyed that you felt you had the right to speak to any of my children in that way. Also I know Tom would have not taken it lightly, so I thought it was best that you didn't have to suffer another journey with T incase you spoke to him the same way you spoke to A

Truth is - my toddlers scream, and cry sometimes too! They get messy and they have the ability to drive you crazy sometimes.

I'm also late, and not perfectly organised with getting everyone out the house at a set time yet, infact I changed A dress twice before we set off to meet you and re sprayed her hair every time she dared to touch it.

My mum and dad aren't the most organised people either, their house gets messy like everyone's does, they don't iron everything and even I have a basket of ironing to do, they don't put things away immediately either - but this is life.

What I'm trying to say is no one is perfect, not my mum and dad which you kindly said to Tom about you don't know how they live that way, not me, not my children and not you either.

Nan: OK

Me: And don't get me wrong, I'm not being nasty - at all.

But I won't let you talk about my behind my back and about my children to mum and S and then try and turn it on me because you didn't get a lift.

Don't try and make a problem out of something so small please x

Nan: ok !!!!!!!!

Me: Ok. I see I've upset you by standing by my child today. Enjoy your time, I haven't been horrible to you. I'll stay away from mums until you have gone to stay with S to avoid any upset. Have a nice time, I'm not getting wrapped into an argument because you shouted at A - it's ridiculous x

AIBU????

OP posts:

CoperCabana · 23/07/2015 21:35

Of course your nan was BU to shout at your child, but as for the rest of your post, well, where to start...

Original poster

Penguin29 · 23/07/2015 21:36

I think it's because we're not a close family, my DH doenst have a mum and his dad lives abroad and has only seen her once so apart from my mum and dad she isn't used to other adults. my mum and dad do not have the children ever so I think she is just nervous of them. Not sure x

OP posts:

munchkin2902 · 23/07/2015 21:38

I'm just impressed your nan knows how to text. I've been trying to teach my mum for years!

CoperCabana · 23/07/2015 21:38

I don't think you should dwell on DD's behaviour. If she doesn't 'know' your nan, then her reaction doesn't sound too odd.

usualsuspect333 · 23/07/2015 21:38

Just take a step back from it all and concentrate on your kids.

She was wrong to shout at your DD.

PiperChapstick · 23/07/2015 21:40

Agree with Coper if an effective stranger tried to hug or touch my 2yo she would react exactly the same way, as would most humans, so don't read too much into it your nan was completely in the wrong on that part

Kaekae · 23/07/2015 21:41

Passmethecrisps · 23/07/2015 21:42

Yup - onwards and upwards op. Try not to dwell on it.

Toddlers can be strange when people they don't know try to touch them. Personally don't force the issue as I presume adults will understand.

Just leave it be and chalk it up to experience.

Oh. And also, no one deserves a full, blow by blow account of your life. It is what it is and that is that. No need to feel that you have to explain and excuse

Original poster

Penguin29 · 23/07/2015 21:42

I just am angry she shouted at my daughter for not wanting to be touched, she will be terrified of her now and not to mention scared of other adults incase she is shouted at again.

OP posts:

sakura06 · 23/07/2015 21:42

Your Nan's behaviour sounds really mean. You were understandably upset. Children that age are often very shy of people they don't know well.

Passmethecrisps · 23/07/2015 21:49

penguin kids that age are incredibly malleable and she will bounce back with lots of cuddles. She won't remember it very soon.

Sometimes these issues are better discussed in person rather than on text message

swisstruffles · 23/07/2015 21:49

I've seen the word Nan too many times now.

Children that age are often shy of people they don't know, but they do need gentle steering towards polite and socially acceptable behaviour.

KindnessforWeakness34 · 23/07/2015 21:53

A child is a small human being, if you want to scream at somebody find a person of your own size.

ijustwannadance · 23/07/2015 21:56

Why did you need to get bus/lift home if it was walking distance? (You said you'd walked down when couldn't all fit in car) Your nan shouldn't have shouted at your child but your far too long text was just daft.

Leggytadpole · 23/07/2015 21:59

You were out of order leaving your Nan. Your sister had to give her a lift back when she was due to go back to work? You said you popped out to get something from boots and the next thing they know you're on your way home in the car texting them?

IF your nan did shout at your daughter that's obviously unreasonable. But it should have been dealt with there and then. But tbh you sound like a complete drama queen so who knows what really happened.

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