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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to report my neighbour to social services

17 replies

mitamay · 21/07/2015 23:26

I guess I need to hear that I have done the right thing...

My neighbour is a depressive drunk - definitely an alcoholic. For weeks now he has been sitting on our shared entrance steps, reeking of booze, telling everyone that passes that he is having panic attacks. The other day he rang my door bell as I live on the ground floor and asked me to call an ambulance, which I did. I sat with him, tried to keep him calm, all the time my 10 year old and 4 year old are alone in my flat, watching from the side lines. Afterwards, by 10 year old wouldn't sleep in her bedroom for 3 nights.

To skip forward, he was admitted for 2 days into hospital but then they released him without telling his wife. He walked half way home and then collapsed into a bush. Someone found him and again called an ambulance. He is now still in hospital, but is due to be released in a day or so.

My concern is that his wife can't always be home with him, and when she isn't he sits on the door step for my kids to see/or rings my door bell asking for my help. I've spoken to his wife and she is sick of looking after him, and needs to be able to go out.

So I decided today to call social services and the hospital to tell them they shouldn't release him without a care plan. He is a mess, he's not safe on his own. Another neighbour is worried for me, in case he floods or worse/burns his flat down (as he is prone to blacking out due to the meds and the drink).
I feel bad, but he needs proper care, but it seems that there isn't any available. Was I right to call social services? Surely it's not up to neighbours to have babysit grown men, when I have my own family to think of...

Any thoughts or experience appreciated.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 21/07/2015 23:29

Calling social services wasn't a punishment. You were trying to get him the support he needs. I would expect his wife to already be on the case.

Soundofsettling · 21/07/2015 23:32

Are they in contact with substance misuse services? They sometimes have volunteers who can offer a degree of support to your neighbour.

Myname15 · 21/07/2015 23:39

Yeah you did the right thing.
Care for the depressed and addicted is woefully bad, and they do need a kick up the arse to act sometimes. I think calling them was an act of kindness, and so please don't feel you've been over the top or judgemental.
I speak as a former alcoholic and drug addict, and I shudder to think of the shit my old neighbours would see as I fell around starting conversations with people and generally being a sad victim. He needs real care, coordinated care, and your kids really shouldn't be seeing this. It's embarrassing and scary. You did the right thing, definitely

paulapompom · 22/07/2015 01:48

It was kind imo, he needs a professional intervention and I hope he gets it. People with substance abuse issues can be helped but it really does take a team of professionals and a care plan

Marcipex · 22/07/2015 04:09

I hope he gets some help, of course you can't be responsible for him. You have to put your children first.

Anon4Now2015 · 22/07/2015 06:21

Unless he lacks capacity (and it doesn't sound like he does) or chooses to engage with whatever services they offer there isn't going to be much they can do. To be honest you'd be better off calling the police when the incidents are actually occurring.

RealityCheque · 22/07/2015 06:53

You did the right thing. I suspect SS will do fuck all, however.

Next step is to call the old bill every time he sits on your step 'harassing your kids'. You don't owe him anything and have a right to a peaceful life.

saintlyjimjams · 22/07/2015 06:57

It was fine to call - but agree SS will do bugger all. If you ring again telltje duty SW you will hold him/her responsible if your flat burns down or your kids are in some way damaged. Being arsey as hell is the only way to get SS to do anything.

1Morewineplease · 22/07/2015 06:58

Ditto Anon... The police will keep records and will probably contact Social Services and/or other related agencies themselves. You are clearly very concerned for your and your children's' safety and they will be the best people to deal with it.

Good luck!!!

saintlyjimjams · 22/07/2015 06:58

Politely arsey that is.

Nospringflower · 22/07/2015 07:03

For all the people saying SS will do nothing, like Anon says, if a person is capable of deciding then if they don't want help SS can do nothing. You can't blame them.

saintlyjimjams · 22/07/2015 08:05

I doubt they'll even offer anything though. Although it may be more of an issue that there is bugger all to offer in the way of services. And I guess addiction comes under health as well - to complicate further. maybe j have been unfair to the duty Sw Grin

Athenaviolet · 22/07/2015 08:17

There are addiction social workers. He is possibly already in the system.

Welcome to 'care in the community' Hmm

ohtheholidays · 22/07/2015 08:26

Well done OP,you did exactly the right thing.

Please don't feel bad,you cared enough to try and get himself and his wife the help they so obviously need!

TheHouseOnBellSt · 22/07/2015 08:31

Oh OP how terrible. Care for men over 18 in this country is woeful.

Spartans · 22/07/2015 09:25

We are going through this with my grandad. I suspect he has the start of dementia but has been an alcoholic for most of his life.

He is found taking his scooter to the shop in just his pants, found knocking on neighbours doors or staggering round his garden.

Ss tell us we need to call the police, the police tell us we need to call ss because technically he isn't breaking the law. All they will do is return him home. For him to do it again.

Everytime he is admitted into hospital they say they won't release him without some sort of plan. Next thing we know he is on his way home.

It's al made worse by a couple of my cousins that think going round and giving homa few shots of whiskey on a night will stop his binges. It's been 4 years and its still happening. He is diabetic and they just don't get that he shouldn't be having it.

We really don't know what else to do.

DoeEyedNear · 22/07/2015 09:32

Social services wont or rather can't do anything whilst a substance abuser is intoxicated and refuses to give up their substance of choice

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