To not want to carry on like this anymore.

[theblairbitchproject]

Im in my 20s, and still live with my abusive parents. Its been tough, and There hasnt even been a time in my own "home" that ive felt loved.

My mum is a borderline alcoholic, has always liked a drink but its getting worse and worse. She has told me repeatedly im a mistake. But then insists she "loves" me. If she lays a finger on me my entire skin just crawls. I cant stand her if im honest. She will be abusive and nasty, and then try and hug me. She noses into all of my business- opens my post, reads my bank statements, insists on knowing where im going when I go out. Calls me when im out and asks me where I am, who im with and when im back. All of the god damn time.

I have a brother and he os treated completely differently and always has been. He moved out 5 years ago and has always had the freedom to do as he pleases and always had the funding to do so- expensive holidays, clothes brought for him, phone paid for- he only ever calls and asks for money. Ive tried pointing this out to them but it ends up in a screaming match. He has a very well paid job so it isnt like he isnt earning his own money. As for me? Well, i do appreciate I live rent for free- but I pay for it in a million and 1 chores. Doesnt matter what ive been doing, how im feeling or what. I have to do it. And if I ask for a single penny? I get a barrage of abuse, or if they do lend me the odd £10- Mum is on at me pratically marching me to the HITW when I get what money I get.

My family obviously dont like me- my Ps are off to visit my brother next weekend to meet his fiancee (just got engaged) and he has told them he doesnt want me to meet her because im an embarassment to him because im unemployed and overweight and have suffered from MH issues. What sort of loving parent doesnt reprimand him for that? I couldnt really give a shit that hes said it, hes a twat, but the fact theyve done nothing about it...well.

And then last week I lost my job. Only place I was treated (or people pretened to treat me) with respect. Ive lost my sense of being, my routine...everything, really. And know my mother is trapsing round the house in a bad mood because I feel like shit. And apparantly its my fault shes drinking "because im being so hard to cope with"

They are draining the life out of me. Ive lost any self confidence I was gaining. I honestly dont know if I want to be here anymore

OMG you need to get out of there, but how? Are there any live in jobs that you could get? Such as on a Stately Home Estate / boarding School/ or Companion to an elderly or disabled person. At least you would get a breather from all the Angst. Look in the 'Lady ' magazine.
Then you could have a think and rejig your life.
You would probably have your awful Parents begging you to come back.
You seem nice and caring. X

Probably not as bad, but I suffered years of emotional abuse from my mother, and wound up severely depressed with no confidence. I had to get out to change it. Finally after many years (and living the other side of the country) we have a much better relationship.

You need to get out, and move into your own space. Have you done uni? If not, would you like to? Otherwise I think the first thing is trawling job ads so you've got something to be getting on with, making progress to moving away and discovering life for yourself!

I'm so sorry op. You deserve better.

Some of what you said was similar to how my mother treated me. She was emotionally abusive. Even when I was at work or out with my friends she'd call me up to scream at me. My brother was also treated more favourably. I remember at one point in my early twenties I had got a new job but didn't have the money to buy a travel card to get to work. My mother refused to lend me the money and screwed at me for being useless. . I managed to get an extension on my credit card so I could buy the travel card.

I also thought about doing a live in carer or live in nanny type job as pp suggested. Actually I went abroad to volunteer. That was good for my confidence. When I returned to the UK I managed to earn enough to live in a crappy house share so i didn't have to move back to the family house.

You need to get out of there. Anyway you can. Youve an opporunity now. No job so can look anywhere for a job. Even abroad. Anything. Have you ever done bar work? Hotel work abroad? Get your confidence up. Good luck x

You're in a dreadful situation.

You might find it useful to read/post on this thread on the Relationships board. Maybe even ask MNHQ to transfer this thread to that board?

Have you posted before? It's atrocious, and you need to get out

Have you thought about a job as a nanny? It's usually "live in" and you are spectacularly qualified. Could make all the difference to your life?

Good luck!

This was so like me. My escape route was to go to uni.

Could you get a live in job somewhere?

What type of work do you do?

Is Uni or live-in work an option?

Your life will get better. Much, much better. You just need to work out a way to get out.