Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to think staying calm or sane with toddlers is impossible?

59 replies

Wheresthesalad · 20/07/2015 19:55

I have two toddlers aged 2 and 3.

My 3 year old is at a new level of obnoxious. Having spent the day...actually the last month.... generally sneering and snarling at me - either looking at me like I'm something she has stepped in or screaming at me over whatever is not to her satisfaction, I put her to bed at 7pm and she's been up running around twice. My main concern is she's so rowdy she'll wake her brother who needs his sleep. And she needs hers!

I get it. She's three. But for the last month I've been subjected to a battle over everything. They say 'pick your battles' but I'm not picking any of them! She on the other hand wants to fight with me all day long. Everything DH or I do or say is objected to. This morning he asked her to play in her bedroom briefly so he could get the ladder down and go up to the loft instead of playing in the hallway and she kicked off with him insisting on playing where SHE wanted to play etc etc. It's stuff like that. Tonight her chair wasn't in the 'right place' for dinner I.e. A couple of inches to the left, and she started complaining loudly. She never stops talking, and she has an infuriating habit of saying the same thing fifty times.

How do people do it? I've got a reward chart, we use time out for unacceptable behaviour (she hit the dog earlier, just sauntered over and smacked her - not hard but not gently either, she shoved her brother over earlier just for being nearby).

I sat on the sofa crying last night because I can't cope with the constant behaviour from her. I try my hardest to get it right, she attends nursery some mornings, she gets lots of love and attention from myself and DH, I read parenting books and am always trying to improve, but lately all she has done is give me a rough ride. She's very active and I struggle to keep her occupied as she just wants to tear around yelling the whole time at home even though I know she settles well in to tasks at nursery and is very good there.

Arghhhh!

OP posts:

Misty9 · 20/07/2015 22:46

I am so relieved to read this as my three year old is driving me insane. He is defiant, throws things and gets frustrated at the drop of a hat. And ignores me, unless I shout which I do a lot
I am regularly ending the day in an exhausted numb state as I just have nothing left. And he can be having a meltdown one minute then expect me to play with him the next; does anyone else struggle with letting go of that anger and just playing straight away? :(

crustsaway · 20/07/2015 22:48

I used to find myself shouting and have to "go to the garden" and have a "time out"

NoSnotAllowed · 20/07/2015 22:51

I have a 2 and a 3 year old as well.

I feel your pain.

From my 3 year old it is the constant noises. Silly noises, grunting, roaring, raspberries, shrieking, tapping, talking, talking, talking. It NEVER stops.

My 2 year old thinks the 3 year old is hilarious and copies his every word. His EVERY word.

And then my husband comes home and gets offended when I don't want to talk to him. I'm sorry DH but my ears have been well and truly chewed off and all I want is wine and silence!!

smellsofsick · 20/07/2015 22:54

OP, are you getting the impression that you're not alone!

My now 4.5 DD1 was a dream until the day she turned 3. All was well and then it began.

I have never been so angry with a person under a metre tall in my whole life. Fortunately we live in foreign climes so my muttered swearing at her was only occasionally overheard by the odd holiday maker.

She is still a bit whiny but so much better now. It is a phase and one I can barely wait to enter into work 2.5 DD2. Sigh.

smellsofsick · 20/07/2015 22:55

*with

dietcokeandwine · 20/07/2015 22:56

Toddlers - wait till they get to 10, and can reason with you and argue with you

I have both - toddler and 10yo (actually just turned 11yo). And a 5yo thrown in for good measure. So all the 11yo sophistication of argument and the toddler hellishness all blended into one hideous stressfest, along with a 5yo who never, ever shuts up.

I go insane on a daily basis

I am slightly calmer once they are all in bed and I've had a glass of wine though. And even calmer after a second glass of wine.

I probably drink too much wine

Toddlers are fabulous and FUCKING awful, at the same time. I am in awe of any of you who own more than one of them although sometimes I actually think toddlers are easier than pre teens

Egosumquisum · 20/07/2015 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pippa12 · 20/07/2015 23:09

I read somewhere the other day that first comes the terriable 2's followed by the f*cking 3's. Made me laugh for an hour- sums it right up in our house! She's a delightful devil

dietcokeandwine · 20/07/2015 23:15

Ego, in absolute honesty, DS1 doesn't cope well with two younger brothers at all.

He has Aspergers and veers between finding them hugely embarrassing and absolutely, utterly irritating. He has no tolerance of their (completely age-typical to be fair) behaviour at all, and generally either completely ignores them or gets overly rough with them. It's very hard to manage as a parent

Fortunately the younger two get on like a house on fire and play pretty well together. I will confess to letting DS1 have extra time on his ipad etc just to let him have that space and quiet time in his room away from them. Which in turn helps his behaviour around them if only a little.

MadgeMak · 20/07/2015 23:17

KanyesWest, yes I have one of those too! Usually at bedtime, mummy can I ask you another question? Yes, ok (trying not to sound exasperated). Um, something, err, um, something, I have brown hair. Yes, lovely, go to bed now darling. Repeat, until my head explodes.

DaddyPigIsMyParentingGuru · 20/07/2015 23:19

I have never been so angry with a person under a metre tall in my whole life

Original poster

Wheresthesalad · 21/07/2015 11:04

Haha! Love these responses! YY to the 'can I ask you sumfin?'....I can't believe the bedtime stalling routine has started so early! It's 'I need to ask you sumfin' or 'I fink I need the toilet fink so'.

To help me go doubly insane we've just started potty training DS.

There's not enough wine in the kingdom.

OP posts:

MeowImaCatfish · 01/08/2015 18:19

Hold on.. If what you guys are saying is right.. Ds2.5 (who acts like a 3 year old already) could get WORSE when he's actually 3?! Fuck that I'm off. I'll be back when he's 4 ! Adios amigos!!

RamblingRosieLee · 01/08/2015 18:25

Hi Op YES some DP do stay sane and calm with their toddlers because actually some toddlers are calm and slow and still.

I have seen them with my own wistful, eyes.

Firstly, this will pass, ignore what you can really, and before every big development stage they go through a sort of teenage phase, in a few weeks you will have a very more advanced and nice little lady on your hand.

I found 3 far worse than two.

It will pass, dont worry your turning out a a social sloven your not.

Bambambini · 01/08/2015 18:28

You need some Gentle Parenting. You are gentle, calm and respectful to them and they respond in a similar way - so I'm told.

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 01/08/2015 18:51

They're all different - my eldest was very civilised til about age 7 (really she still is... but I didn't find her difficult aside from being a poor sleeper until the hell of homework began and maths became my fault ) my middle one was a wonderful self contained 2 year old but at 3 he started Kindergarten and started throwing things all the time... For a year... He needed several hoursoutdoors to be civilised and still does at nearly 8.

My youngest (currently 4) makes me laugh more than the others but is just loopy - he talks all the time and most of its utter fantasy.

He doesn'targue with me though he just whines in a voice that curdles milk or utterly blanks me so when I'm alone with him sometimes I wonder if I've popped out of existence. ..

He also changeshis clothes every time I want to leave the house with him ... I'll tell him to put his shoes on and realise he's gone upstairs and is getting changed and will have to try on 14 clothingcombinations before he will willingly leave the house.

Actually I think my 4 yo boy is a 15 year old girl in a very good disguise. .. :o

yorkshapudding · 01/08/2015 19:32

Oh bloody hell. We've just entered the terrible two's and I've been telling myself things can only get better! You lot have taken the jam right out of my doughnut

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 01/08/2015 19:56

It doesn't "only get worse" though - parebts of older children who routinely say that to parents of younger ones should be banned from talking to anyone with a child younger than their own eldest IMO.

Some things get easier and some harder - my eldest is only 10 so I still have teens to come but in the first decade the babyhood of a really bad sleeper combined with young school age children has been far and away the hardest thing, and since DC3 started sleeping most nights and just getting into our bed and going back to sleep others it has been world's easier - regardless of preteen attitude, friendship and school issues, sibling bickering etc. Once I started getting several unbroken hours sleepand fairly regular whole unbroken nights almost everything got easier...

SnapesCapes · 01/08/2015 20:02

DS2 was lovely at 2, delightful at 3 and now is an utter, utter bellend at 4. He lulled us into believing he was calm, sweet and lovely, and now all he does is shout, hit, throw and go batshit about everything. It serves me right for being smug about having such a charming 2 year old. I do hate a smug Mama.

DS1's toddler years I barely even remember; it was just a whirlwind of tantrums, Houdini-moments and madness. I assumed it would get better. 9 and a half and he's still like it, only more verbal and better equipped to win an argument against me.

flanjabelle · 01/08/2015 20:03

I don't have much advice as my dd is not yet two, but when she is being difficult I pretend to be flop too! That stupid thing is the most serene thing I can think of. it has endless patience stored in his weirdly small woolly body.

Dd draws on the walls, I calmly tell her it's not nice to draw on the walls and drawing books are for drawing In a flop voice. the alternative is screaming that I have worked my arse off decorating here and she is ruining it!!!

SnapesCapes · 01/08/2015 20:04

No, I'm lying, the 9 and a half year old can be brilliant fun to be around when he's on form. We have shared interests, he's great company and it's lovely as they get older, being able to do more with them.

I suspect half of DS2's tantrums are because he wants to do what DS1 is doing, and to have everything the way DS1 has it. The other half is just because he's a swine.

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 01/08/2015 20:15

snapes my 4 yo ' s main grievances are:

He is not allowed to go and call for his friends alone if I don't have time/ don't feel like arranging anything for him.
He is not allowed to stay home on his own while I take/ fetch his siblings to/ from the nearest bigger village 3 miles away (which to be fair must be annoying as he's stuffed in the car for this at least twice a day and sometimes 4 or more times).
He's not allowed to catch the school bus (due to not being at school yet)
He is not allowed a Nintendo DS until he's 6
when the phone rings the caller hardly ever asks for him
he's not allowed to cycle on the road

All those are directly related to being the youngest - my older two would never have thought of most of those things at 4. Poor s*d does here "not til you're older" / "you're too little to do that" an awful lot...

I have to keep reminding him of the compensations of being little - such as being the only one I can still carry up the stairs or swing around to "fly" :o

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 01/08/2015 20:16

hear

PaulineFossil · 01/08/2015 20:21

Mine had some sort of switch that flipped on the day after the third birthday. Up until that point, generally lovely, between the ages of three and four....well, I think I've blocked a lot of it out. Much better now and now I'm the cranky one as I could do with a year off to recover .

Sazzle41 · 01/08/2015 20:42

I nannied a 2 and 3 yr old. It helps to be calm and just see it as a stage with an end in sight. Its not forever. Any screeching or baby voice was ignored/didnt get a response. Time out worked. Why is my real bete noir. I just ignored it if it carried on after my first answer. Only ever offer two choices for anything if tantrums /no / negotiations. Any more is too much for under fours and you lose ground massively as they see you as pushover offering the world.

1hr quiet time after lunch, you slob, they watch shit tv or cartoon. And dont sit in the house get out and about to the park, to the corner shop , to a friend, to a toddler group, swimming. Set behavour expectations before you leave the house and promise rewards if met. (not necessarily sweets, can be extra time on computer, cartoon etc).

Flip

1 2 3