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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think, actually I will feed my son if he's hungry!

47 replies

Minesril · 19/07/2015 20:37

We had spent the day in London and just arrived back in Cambridge. DS had been as good as you can expect a one year old to be on the train, but after waiting 20 minutes for the bus (bloody Sunday service) he was tired and hungry. It was 5.30, his normal dinner time. Luckily, I had some blueberries and a couple of those mini baby biscuits left over from his lunch, so I thought, give him a snack so he's not crying all the way home and bothering everyone else on the bus!

Then I heard the woman behind me saying to her companion, "look at that, she's got all those treats, and every time he cries she's putting another one in his mouth! I never had to do that with mine! Terrible habit!" Etc, etc.

I took the higher ground and didn't say anything back, plus I don't want my son to think it's ok to have a go at people on the bus. But I was really upset...he's actually small for his age (just above 9th centile) - in fact, the doctor ordered some blood tests a few months ago because he had dropped centiles. He's steady now, but I'm always worrying whether he's eating enough. Ironically enough he really doesn't snack between mealtimes.

But she was a horrible, judgmental bully, no? And tbh - if she didn't feed her children when they were hungry, she's the bad parent, not me! I can't help but feel that if I hadn't fed him, someone (probably her) would have muttered the eternal, "ooh I think someone's hungry why don't you feed him?"

Feel good to have got that off my chest anyway!

OP posts:
girliefriend · 19/07/2015 21:25

That woman was unbelievably rude Angry YANBU

Ignore ignore ignore!

1Morewineplease · 19/07/2015 21:26

She was a judgemental hag!... You are your son's mummy who responded to his need! Isn't that what mummys do? YADNBU!!! Ignore and feed away!!!! Some people just look for stuff to loudly moan about to make themselves look good... Prob a Daily Mail reader of a certain age!!!!

pointythings · 19/07/2015 21:27

Well of course you were being completely U to give your baby food at a time when he was hungry and when he normally eats. What were you thinking of? You'll be raising another member of the entitled younger generation. He'll be wanting the latest iPhone whatever before he's 3, mark my word. You've probably corrupted him for life. And stuff.

Just bloody well done for holding the moral high ground and not saying anything. I don't think I would have been so restrained.

By the way, I have teenagers. They also need regular feeding, or they become unbearable. Then they grow. I am a bad parent too. Wink

fastdaytears · 19/07/2015 21:30

pointy I need regular feeding or I'm a total cow

JiltedJohnsJulie · 19/07/2015 21:32

You were doing the right thing in feeding a hungry child but why are you bothered what this random bitch woman says?

Felyne · 19/07/2015 21:48

I had similar once. Out with my DD about 12-18months old. She was hungry so I gave her a couple of those baby rice cakes. Then a little while later she wated something else so I gave her a fruit bar - one of those Organix Goodies dried banana and fig ones. A woman passing (who must have also been near us during the rice cake eating) said "Oh! More food. Chocolate now! She'll get fat if you're not careful". I pointed out that it was fruit actually (organic!), not chocolate but I wish I'd also told her to wind her judgy neck in.

Ilovenannyplum · 19/07/2015 21:51

YANBU
She was rude and should have kept her nose out

I fed my 11 month old DS (who is also little, only just gone into 6-9 month old clothes) some of my mcflurry today, honestly just a couple of spoons. She would have had a field day with me Wink

pointythings · 19/07/2015 22:15

Me too, fastday. If my blood sugar drops too low I get shaky and bad-tempered.

CarlaJones · 19/07/2015 22:43

Yep, you are right she was a horrible, judgemental bully.

Boofy27 · 20/07/2015 00:03

It must have been horrible for her children being hungry but I bet in paled into insignificance in comparison to having a mother with no filter whatsoever. I bet they hardly ever mention the hunger in therapy.

ouryve · 20/07/2015 00:04

Fucker her. Of course, YANBU.

MidniteScribbler · 20/07/2015 01:04

She's not a 'bully'. She didn't actually say anything to you, she didn't tell you to stop, she didn't push or shove you. She might be judgemental, but she was talking to her friend, not to you. But please don't try and suggest that this was any sort of bullying.

Eminybob · 20/07/2015 03:42

Saying the comments to her friend rather than the op just makes her a passive aggressive bully but a bully nonetheless. She was obviously trying to make the op uncomfortable.

Op YANBU, this sort of stuff drives me up the wall. She obviously has little going on in her own life to feel the need to judge yours. I would have wanted to say something but get all flustered in those sort of circumstances so probably wouldn't have. But well done to you for rising above it.

toomuchtooold · 20/07/2015 05:47

People make the mistake (with me anyway, I'm sure you lot are lovely) of thinking that because you're nice and gentle with your kids, you're nice and gentle generally, and they can say what they like because you won't give them a slap in the teeth. I think we should start setting them straight Grin

Mawsymoo · 20/07/2015 07:32

I was out with DS when he was very small (less than 6 months old) and shared a lift for approx 20 seconds with a women who looked into the pram at my sleeping baby with his soother in (he only uses it for sleeping) and said "Oh look at that poor little child with that THING shoved in his mouth so he can't even talk". Then the lift door opened and she was gone leaving me staring after her in shock. She was a pass-remarkable cow but I still remember how bad it made me feel as I was still a relatively new mum worrying about every decision I made and it really hurt.

YANBU OP - well done on not saying anything there's just no point in trying to talk sense to people like that.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 20/07/2015 07:35

Paddington hard stare. Rude woman.

StarsInTheNightSky · 20/07/2015 07:37

tomuchtooldexactly that. Nobody I've ever met has made the same mistake twice Grin.

OP, the woman was incredibly rude, I would have said something, I don't see why she should be allowed to feel that making such comments is at acceptable way to behave. We were on a long haul flight when DS was seven months old, he'd been a little star, not one cry, just sat happily and quietly playing with his toys and us but one lady (whose older kids were screaming tantrumming nightmares, 9 and 11 ish they were) came up an accusingly told us that he must have "special needs" (her words, I hate that phrase) as it wasn't normal behaviour, and that she felt so sorry for us having an abnormal child as it must be such a burden. Angry She was apologising profusely within about thirty seconds. Grin

Minesril · 20/07/2015 09:06

"He'll be wanting the latest iPhone whatever before he's 3, mark my word."

Haha he does like to play with my phone - the iPad - the Xbox controller...clearly I'm raising a blueberry-munching terror!

Thank you all for your kind words - has really cheered me up.

OP posts:
Mintyy · 20/07/2015 09:11

Didn't you think to turn and look at her and say "I can hear you, you know. Mind your manners!".

Why should you just ignore it?

People are so unassertive Confused

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 20/07/2015 09:12

There's more toys than babies in that pram' yesterday. I still can't work out if she just can't count (there was one 10Mo and one Freddie the firefly in the pram!) or what point she was actually making.

In my world there are always more toys than babies. On the grounds that to get a toy I just have to go to Tescos and buy one. And then it never ever cries in the night. Thinking about having more babies than toys makes my head explode!

TeaPleaseLouise · 20/07/2015 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

girliefriend · 20/07/2015 09:49

I don't understand what point the woman was making anyway, would she rather you just left your son to cry and disrupt everyone on the bus? Confused

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