to want DH tp change his eating habits/table manners?

[Sparrowlegs248]

Because we are having a child? The eating habits - he eats a lot of snacks, which is fine, he is slim and healthy and eats good meals. But will often eat breakfast followed by chocolate/biscuits etc. I dont think this sets a good example for a child and isnt something i would ever do myself. (never allowed as a child and its stuck with me!)

Re table manners. He holds knife and fork in the 'wrong' hands. Hes not left handed. It doesnt bother me in itself but means he cant cut stuff properly. He ends up stabbing it with the fork and tearing with the knife, rather than sawing at it. Is usless at anything with bones (leaves half the meat on) and will often stab a big piece with the firk then bite a lump off it!!!

He doesnt do this in public by the way. Thank god.

Wibu to say something about it?

You just basically described me in your husband.

Yabvvvu

Hmm. I wouldn't want my children to think this is an acceptable way to eat, but equally I'd most likely have been too put off to marry him in the first place. Bad table manners are my pet hate.
Tricky one.

Snacking is not a bad thing, it's just eating when hungry. Overeating is a bad thing, they're very different, and it's actually probably better to model a child that you eat when you're hungry rather than limit yourself to specific meals when you eat regardless of hunger.

Also eating differently in private to public is another good lesson, the flexibility to have different rules and behaviour for different environments is another good life lesson.

Anyway, YWBU to demand how another adult eats, you WNBU to discuss how you will model your childs eating, and if "no-snacking" is actually a rule you both want, as it may well be your DP is not on board with that at all either.

I'm not against sacking. Its more that I don't like the idea of unhealthy snacks so early in the day, directly after breakfast. To me, chocolate and biscuits are an afternoon or after dinner snack. DH doesn't overeat - he eats a lot but is very slim.

I'm not saying I'm a perfect role model either, there are certainly habits i will try not to pass on to the child.

As for discussing table manners before conceiving, no we didn't.......

Its also about knowing how to behave in different settings. DH table manners are very good in public. He clearly knows when it 'matters' more and it clearly matters to him otherwise he wouldn't be any different. But a small child doesn't know and i think it must be easier for them to learn the 'right' way from the start.

YABU. My DP will sometimes eat ice cream for breakfast, the only concern of mine is when he doesn't clean it up.

He can do what he wants, if my partner ever told me what to eat I'd be furious

What defines something as an "afternoon snack"? As a child my dad would often leave a custard cre buscuit out for me because he went to work really early, so I'd come downstairs and find dad had left me a biscuit, which was nice. So whether it's a morning or afternoon or whatever thing is subjective.

I've never been overweight or addicted to biscuits, you're being ridiculously paranoid and over the top.

I think it was the way things were when i was a child lashes written didn't have chocolate or cake at all for breakfast. On the rare occasion we did have something like that it was an after school or after dinner thing.

Its less about telling him what he can eat than setting a good example for our child.

Notta but why is your way any more right than his, if your child eats a piece of cake why does it matter whether they eat it in the morning or the afternoon?

As long as they're healthy and happy it doesn't matter

Do you have children lashes and do they eat ice cream for breakfast?

I don't know Lashes and that's a good point. Although if child takes after me it will end up fat. Lets hope it has its fathers metabolism and can eat what it wants.

I don't like chocolate in breakfast cereal either......

Notta we're expecting our son in a few weeks. Hopefully he won't eat ice cream for breakfast but if he did providing it wasn't every day and wasn't every meal I don't think I would be too unhappy.

I think the difference is you eat meals whereas your partner is more of a snacker. I don't like big meals, I'll eat a little bit, then 2 hours later eat something else and so on. I just eat when I'm hungry but I know people who are more rigid with meals find that strange. I'm lucky that DP and I are similar (well he just eats to be honest lol)

If someone eats differently in private than in public, They clearly know that ere is a difference. I think there is an opening to ask them whether they have thought about what they will do. The baby comes along and as it grows up. Discussing and then agreeing the house rules seems a reasonable way forward. Suggesting or insisting on a particular behaviour from another adult is not reasonable.

I'd the same about family meals. Again, I would be looking to reach an agreement, not one controlling the other.

Hope it goes well for you. xx

I suppose having grown up around people who can't physically hold a knife and fork and have to be fed, table manners are totally irrelevant.

As long as he isn't spitting food at you or licking his plate does it really matter how he chooses to hold his knife and fork? MIL has commented on the way I hold my cutlery yet she will take a work phone call at the dining table and shush anyone who tries to talk, these calls go on for a while and ruin any chances of a dinner conversation. Everyone's different.

I am a grazer too but have to be more healthy about it I guess. Whereas DH eats 3 massive meals and shedloads of snacks, both healthy and unhealthy and remains thin the bastard

Its as a pp said, i feel it must be harder to try to teach a child something when they see adults doing differently.

I can see I should probably try not to get too hung up on this!

Notta mine is the same. He's extremely skinny and extremely tall and constantly eating, sometimes it's healthy sometimes it's not.

I try not to get too hung up on food - As long as no one is starving or eating nothing except unhealthy stuff, I think it's fine! I wouldn't worry if I were you

You get to tell your child what, when and how to eat. You dont get to tell your husbsnd the same, hes an adult and can eat how he likes.

Can you imagine a man posting on here; my wife is about to have a baby and I think she eats biscuits at the wrong time of day and holds her knife and fork wrong. I dont think this is good enough and she should be a better role model for my pfb, aibu to tell her to eat how and when and what I think she should?
He'd be eviscerated! And rightly so.

I too hold my cutlery in the "wrong hands" ,, always have done . Didn't think it was rude ,, , What would be rude is me attempting to use cutlery the "right hands" ,, as a major mess would ensue !!

OP YABU as it goes ,, He is a grown man and I assume has always had such eating habits ?? You knew that .

Oops , soz, I see its the way he hacks his food rather than the handling of cutlery. I never cut food in such a way so no idea why that would be so with your DH.

Good Luck with Baby, hope labour goes well

I am a pretty poor eater with no regular mealtimes. I am a very poor sleeper, up and down often in the night, I am terrified of most animals and hate the countryside.

I have never hidden my imperfections or fears from my children - they accept that I am flawed (or weird as they say) and they eat and sleep brilliantly, have no fears particularly (eldest doesn't like spiders) and now at 14 & 17 laugh at their poor old paranoid mum! They do not appear scarred or bothered by the fact that adults are able to make their own rules whilst telling their children how it should be done properly.

You can teach children all sorts of things without actually doing them yourself.

Notta... How would you feel if your husband started critiquing your eating habits? You said in your later posts that if your baby takes after you 'they would be fat'. I imagine you'd be really hurt by any comment like that. He hasn't, that you've mentioned.

Your husband is free to snack if he wants to, manners will naturally tell him that he shouldn't do it in front of people who are not free to do this and that will include his child.

Regarding the use of cutlery, I think you're not being unreasonable. If he can use it properly 'in public', he can do that at home too - and he should - because there's no reason not to.

On the plus side, at least you haven't said that he eats with his mouth open, chomps, bites the cutlery or licks his plate. That's a plus!

Hope the birth goes well.

lying If I have a habit that he feels sets a bad example then I honestly don't think it would bother me. Its like swearing, I do occasionally, DH does a lot more than me, we both agree that it needs to stop. More often than not there is no need for it and neither of us want the baby subjected to it.

The think with cutting food is he will often say 'this meats a bit tough' when it isn't, he's just trying to tear it apart.

Sorry OP the tear it apart bit made me lol

Give him mince and nothing but, until he can cut it up, that will sort him!

Habits are the very devil, aren't they? I have enough to fill a book myself. The only thing we did that was 'good' was properly stop smoking before having children, I mean - it wasn't enough to stub out and go for it, we had a few years as non-smokers until we felt ready. I'm glad because I know that if I hadn't got rid of the habit, I wouldn't have been strong enough to carry on and not start again. It's great being free.

My dad used to lick his plate and my mother despaired but didn't/couldn't stop him. She realised, in a restaurant, that habits can be 'catching' because I once picked up my empty plate to lick it. Only did it once, she was appalled.