to think a decent parent/dh would have rushed down to help

[fab39]

So we have 3dc. I am a sah bar maybe 1 day per month. Pretty much all the childcare, school admin housework etc is down to me. By this I also mean bedtime, night wakings, cooking and washing up during the week etc. Dh works long hours so I guess we are both busy. He also does finances and less regular jobs liike diy
anyway that is just background. So tonight dh was home early. I did tea for children and took eldest to scouts event 10 miles awayand than met friend for hour before returning to collect. When I returned dd3 had apparently been asleep (on sofa still in daytime clothes and nappy). She approached for milk and clearly needed changing so I changed her.
Dh decided to go upstairs to chill as I was home. Very shortly after this the poo floodgates literally had opened. Dd had pooed on the floor and on me. She was covered, the floor was covered etc. So I shouted up to dh to say what had happened. He heard as he responded with an o type sound but did not get off his arse to come down and help.
aibu to challenge him over this.He is now asleep unlike dd.
o and the washing up I didn't have time to do was still in the sink.

He should have at least shouted back 'are you okay? do you want a hand?' if he thought it wasn't clear that you want help from your first shout. Though why he hadn't put the toddler to bed whilst you were out if they were falling asleep on the sofa is about

It sounds like this lazy prick has sorted out the demarcation of duties so that it suits him (ie he does fuck all). He knows perfectly well that dishes need to be washed and chiildren put to bed, but he has A PENIS therefore none of this sort of thing is down to him. He wants to be 'asked' ie begged, andif he does lift a finger he will expect hours of praise and probably a blowjob.

Right, OP?

So the OP should tell him everything that needs doing in future then everything will be fine will it? Fuck that...he knows the toddler needs to go to bed and he knows the washing up needs doing so he should know he needs to do it!

Id be pissed off if I came home and dh had made no effort to get the baby ready for bed or do the washing up. Sounds like he sat on his arse and did fuck all while you were out.

People with toddlers can't expect to go to work then come home and do nothing.

enchufla who said Op needs to tell her DH everything that needs doing? We have a saying up here - if you don't ask you don't get. OP didn't ask for help so didn't get it... Simple really.

SGB your post is a massive over reaction and is disrespectful.

Be more direct next time.

"Be more direct next time."

If I read the OP correctly, Op shouted up that there was shit on her, daughter & the floor.

On what planet does that elicit no response from the adult being told??!!

I don't get this 'Oh you needed to ask your DH directly to help you with poo'. Only an imbecile or a lazy arse with no regard to their family would carry on doing whatever they were doing and not come to help in this situation. Any reasonable person would come straight away no questions asked

Most men aren't decent, unfortunately.

"Most men aren't decent, unfortunately."

Oh dear, what a sad attitude.

What SGB says. He's a parent and a partner FFS. He needs to pull his weight when he's at home and he needs to appreciate that you need a break too.
Have an agreement that if either of you is 'on duty' and you shout "help!", the other one needs to have a bloody good reason not to appear.

I don't know I seem to have a totally different view to everyone on here!

As a sahm I do sort of see the home /child responsibilities as mine. So if dh gets home after a hard week at work I wouldn't be expecting too much. Knowing that he works harder now I'm a sahm as the financial responsibility is all his, when two of us were working his job wasn't so crucial

If there were two jobs to do when dh got home, as in this case, I would delegate the job I didn't want (either staying at home with the younger 2 or doing the drop off with the older 1, personally I'd have chosen the latter as well ) and made it clear what his job is, eg get them ready for bed, they should be bathed and in bed when I get home. Then after that I would have sorted.out the clearing up, or most likely done it before I left, and let him get on with chilling out.

I still don't quite get how the poo leaked out of a nappy or why a dirty nappy with poo was left around for the toddler to access after you'd left the room, or how the pool ended up on you .. But even so I would have probably just got on with clearing it up. Totally different if there was fire or danger imo.

And yes as a mum I find I need to be out of the house to get time out so make arrangements to be out as necessary, even just to do a supermarket shop alone. I totally think you should be agreeing where you get your downtime as your dh is obviously taking his.

I changed the original nappy and disposed of it. Tbh at that stage there was still a poo aroma around. Put a new pull on once I guess she must have twisted or moved to create a gap. Certainly there wasn't much poo in the nappy but plenty doen her leg, socks and my clothes and the carpet of course. I only actually took the drop off and pick up job as I didn't expect him home. He does the odd club pick up but I do the bulk of them.
incidently I worked today for a few hours and will be working again tomorrow for about 6 hours but won't work again till next month.