Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really uncomfortable?

27 replies

Deeperdown · 17/07/2015 19:52

Taken friends dd away with mine just in the UK.
We are on a site with masses of entertainment and activities free.
We have paid for all her food so literally just spends.

They have sent £300. My dd knows they have sent £300.
I'm a single Mum, my Mum has paid for our holiday to give us a break as I'm on a low working wage.

Dds friends Mum knew all above as we told her. She's sent the dd with £300 Shock dd has £30.

I feel like utter shit for dd. Every time her friend goes to the shop they can buy loads. Sad

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/07/2015 19:55

How old is she?

I wonder if wires have been crossed here and the money is for eating out/possibly sharing with your DD?

If not, then I agree it's a bit off.

Spartans · 17/07/2015 19:57

I would imagine they have sent her with that much to pay for food too.

CrohnicallyAspie · 17/07/2015 19:58

Has there been a misunderstanding? Did she send her DD with so much money because she thought she'd need to chip in for food (figuring that you're on a low income and can't really afford to pay for her Dd as well)/was under instructions to treat you all for takeaway one night/spend some of her money on activities for both your DDs? How old are your DDs? Did her mum maybe think if they went out for the day by themselves they would need to get their own food and drink etc?

I really can't imagine that she thought she'd purposely send her Dd with loads more money unless she's trying to make it easier on you somehow.

123Jump · 17/07/2015 20:00

TBF OP, they can send what they like with their DD.
How old are the kids?
If everything is paid for in advance than what is she spending it on? Just crap in the shop? If that is the case then I seriously doubt they are expecting her to spend it all on rubbish.
It is probably for emergency/to contribute if you decide to do anything else. Not to be frittered away.
Can you tell the DD that you'll keep it for emergencies and give her an allowance?
Don't let it ruin the holiday for you.

AuntyMag10 · 17/07/2015 20:00

She probably sent that amount in to cover for food as well. Even if she hasn't, you shouldn't compare or feel bad about it. Some people just have more than others, that's nothing to feel bad about at all. You're giving your dd a great holiday and included her friend, that I'm sure means so much more to her.

MarinaCoyle · 17/07/2015 20:08

I think crossed wires too but how old are they? If she's a teen or thereabouts then maybe it is just for personal spending but if she's 7 or 8 then I think it must be meant to cover food etc and her mum will be morto if she finds her DD has bought £300 of rock and stationery and you've covered all the expenses.

Original poster
Deeperdown · 17/07/2015 20:13

12 but additional needs so maturity wise much younger. She's being really good about it to be fair but it's making me feel awful when she's running off to arcades etc.

No she definately knew. I told her twice including yesterday.

OP posts:
ShipShapeAhoy · 17/07/2015 20:20

£300 seems a ridiculous amount just for spending money. Did her parent's definitely know you were paying for all food? I mean, could their dd have mislead them so she got the extra cash?

ShipShapeAhoy · 17/07/2015 20:22

I wouldn't feel bad about it either way. Your dd is getting a holiday with her mum and friend. That's the memory she will take from this, not regretful of a lack of plastic tat and arcade games.

kittycatz · 17/07/2015 20:23

Could you phone the parents and ask what it is for? Don't know how to phrase it so the question doesn't seem weird but I think it needs clarification because I can't imagine that they meant the child could spend 300 pounds on junk. They probably meant it to cover meals as well.

sooperdooper · 17/07/2015 20:24

I think there's crossed wires and the money's towards food, it makes no sense for her to be sent with so much cash and have contributed nothing

123Jump · 17/07/2015 20:26

Just take it off her and say she can have a few quid a day.
I cannot believe anyone would want their child to spend £300 on arcades.

sooperdooper · 17/07/2015 20:31

I think especially since you mention she's got additional needs she's possibly misunderstood and you should be having some of the cash as a contribution - I agree you should ring the parents and somehow clarify, not sure how to word it though?? Maybe you could just say should she be spending the money on anything in particular, of say she's spending a lot on sweets/ice creams and should you limit the amount per day??

Howmanywotwots · 17/07/2015 20:32

I would think they sent much more than needed to save you from putting your hand in your pocket for her, and would probably expect some back

dixiechick1975 · 17/07/2015 20:33

I think the money is for you for the holiday/food/petrol/icecream. Can you ask how much are they happy for her to spend on sweets/arcade? I can't imagine they will say 300.

UrethraFranklin1 · 17/07/2015 20:33

You're effectively acting as her parent for a week. Why not tell her she has to share or she can't spend? You've paid for everything else, you can make her share her spending money.
If you take on someone elses child for a week you're in charge, its your rules.

crustsaway · 17/07/2015 20:34

No matter what the case. Just take the money from the girl and give her what you give yours out of it and send the rest back. No need to worry then. The parents probably gave it to encompass eveyrthing.

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 17/07/2015 20:35

I would ring parents as poster above said and check its ok for her to spend in arcardes.t

I think wires have been crossed that it was meant for food

Original poster
Deeperdown · 17/07/2015 20:44

Mum definately knows, she handed it over saying buy yourself a takeaway when you get there and the rest if for her spends.

child is 'bored' because despite then going to a place regularly with nothing but a play area on site they are bored because I won't allow them to spend their entire money in the arcade.

OP posts:
123Jump · 17/07/2015 20:47

OP, if this is getting in the way of the holiday I would take the money. Give a few quid a day. Explain that that is that. Final.
Tell the mum it was causing issues.

Original poster
Deeperdown · 17/07/2015 20:47

sorry it's my dd who has additional needs not the other child.

So if I send £200 back you wouldn't think bad.

OP posts:
Pippa12 · 17/07/2015 20:50

I would 100% contact her parents and ask how they would like this money to be spent. I would phrase it along the lines of

'The money that X has, would you like me to split it daily over the week and give her an amount each day?' And 'Are you happy for X to spend the £ on whatever she wants, as I have bought/paid for all of her meals and wasn't sure if there was an amount set aside for emegencies or something in particular?'

I would never send my DD away with no money for food/refreshments and would go nuclear if she came home with £300 of tat! TBH I think £30 is a generous amount for your DD. I'm sure she will have a fab time!!

cuntycowfacemonkey · 17/07/2015 20:54

I would just keep hold of it and give it back at the end. It's really not fair on your dd.

Dynomite · 17/07/2015 20:59

When I went on camps or on holiday with friends, my parents always sent me with much more than I needed (hundreds more). They wanted me to have enough for an emergency bc they felt bad if their friends would ever have to pay for me for anything. I always came back with most of it and it taught me to manage my money.

OP, I imagine that because she knows you're a single mum, she gave her more cash than needed so her dd never has to ask for any and you never have to worry about paying for her dd from your own money.

CatMilkMan · 17/07/2015 21:07

When I was a kid I was always sent with far more than I needed and always went home with most of it.
I would do what pippa12 suggested and definitely not what 123jump has suggested.

Swipe left for the next trending thread