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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A party/FB related AIBU

50 replies

IsabellaofFrance · 17/07/2015 09:22

DS, who has ASD, has been invited to his first party since reception . He is in year 3 and its was a massive deal to me. He doesn't understand what is happening and has no clue about the party.

Yesterday I spoke to party Mum in the playground, thanked her for the invite and explained that due to DS's ASD he is extremely fussy about what he eats, so that I would bring the food for him as I didn't want her to feel like she needed to get in anything special. She said that was fine.

This morning, a friend of mine, who is mutual friends with party Mum told me that last night she updated her status to say 'obviously my food is not good enough for some precious people, bring your own food then and see how I care'. This is obviously aimed at me but she thought I wouldn't ever see it.

AIBU to tell her to shove her invite up her arse? DS is leaving the school in 3 days so I wont ever have to have contact with her again?

OP posts:

CrystalCove · 17/07/2015 10:06

It's a bit much saying friend is not a friend and to dump her in my opinion to - if it was me I would want to know.

netguru2 · 17/07/2015 10:10

Your child was invited to rare party and you are thinking of stopping him from going because you feel slighted?

Grow up fgs. You are a parent. Sound off about it here or to friends by all means but don't punish your child.

nocabbageinmyeye · 17/07/2015 10:18

Can't believe people are calling your friend a shit stirrer She was totally right to tell you!! Look party mum is very rude but I would put it down to ignorance of asd and do as previous posters have suggested and keep the moral high ground, you don't have to actually tell her you know but can make it clear by saying you appreciate her understanding of his disability and many wouldn't etc etc

TurnipCake · 17/07/2015 10:25

What Fenella said.

You have the moral high ground on this.

Your child gets to go to a party and have a blast

Enjoy watching her squirm

Gatehouse77 · 17/07/2015 10:28

Another vote for Fenella

pilates · 17/07/2015 10:29

Op, I don't think your friend was being a shit stirrer.

I would want to know if some one had a problem accommodating my child with special needs at a party. Party mum sounds very ignorant.

I think I would let him go to the party though, but can understand your feelings of uncertainty.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 17/07/2015 10:30

A good friend would have sent a polite PM to the mum along the lines of "I really don't think Isobellaoffrance was being snobby about the food her son really struggles with what he can eat because of his ASD. Sorry to interfere but i don't want you to feel offended because of a misunderstanding and I know this party invitation means a lot to xx's mum"

RattleAndRoll · 17/07/2015 10:31

I don't think your friend is a shit stirrer either.

NameChange30 · 17/07/2015 10:32

Another vote for Fenella's advice, and I definitely think you should speak to her in person rather than sending a message via FB / email / etc. Whatever you do, don't post something public on FB (on your wall or hers) as some people have suggested!

formerbabe · 17/07/2015 10:41

Id be very calm and approach the mother and explain it has nothing to with her food but that your son has issues due to his asd and you were trying to make things easier by bringing your own food rather than her having to make provisions. Be super nice and super friendly and hopefully she will be embarrassed by her outburst!

Jen1610 · 17/07/2015 10:46

I absolutely do not think your friend is a shit stirrer! I'd want a friend to tell me in her position.

I'd speak face to face with party mum.

NameChange30 · 17/07/2015 10:50

I do think BarbarianMum makes a good point about being tactful. In this case Party Mum is clearly in the wrong - if she was offended, bitching publicly on FB is not the mature way to deal with it! But in future it would be good to be as tactful as possible so as to avoid offending anyone. That way, you've done what you can, and if someone is offended despite you being tactful and polite, it's their problem not yours.

CrapBag · 17/07/2015 10:58

I was gobsmacked by all the posts saying the friend is a shitstirrer. If I had a friend who saw this and didn't tell me I wouldn't be too pleased. She did the right thing in telling you.

YANBU OP, given you are leaving the school I think I would have to do what you want to do. Tell her to shove it and make it clear why you are saying goes that and that is had nothing to do with her precious food but thanks for being so understanding about it then walk away from her.

UniS · 17/07/2015 11:00

You have no idea how many other parents have quietly said " x is very fussy, I'll bring food I know they will eat" for whatever reasons are pertinent in their situations. Party giver could be looking at 25% of attendeess grazing from own supplies. Which for a foodie party giver is painfull.

Get over it, hope your lad enjoys the party.

Laura0806 · 17/07/2015 11:05

Party mum sounds ridiculous if she was talking about you and your son. I would be inclined to just go up to her and apologise if ahe thought you were being rude but due to the nature of ASD ( presume she knows) etc etc. That should be enough to make her realise how ignorant and ridiculous she was. No I don't think your friend was stirring. I would also want someone to tell me ( Unless she has form for this).

LadyNym · 17/07/2015 14:13

How was the friend being a shit-stirrer? I'd definitely want to know!

Daisywellies · 17/07/2015 14:19

Both your friend and the mother of the party child sound incredibly immature, more like teenage girls than adult women.

I agree with those who have advised calmly saying to the other mother that you weren't criticising her food but trying to ensure that your son's issues with food wouldn't cause a problem at the party.

She may think twice before she posts rude childish comments like that again.

PoppyFleur · 17/07/2015 14:27

Another vote for Fenella's advice.

People can be so awful OP, take the high ground, rant away to us but please let your son go to the party.

FurtherSupport · 17/07/2015 14:31

I think the friend was in a difficult position. How could you not tell a friend that someone was "publishing" something like that about them?

Party mum has been vile, but she's the first mum ever to invite your son, so she can't all bad. If you think your son will enjoy the party, I'd be inclined to go along as planned and let her think you're oblivious. Then say good riddance when your DS leaves the school.

GreyBird84 · 17/07/2015 15:11

Am I the only one wondering if the party invite mum actually did this or do I know too many 'friends'?

FurtherSupport · 17/07/2015 15:19

Ah, now that would actually make much more sense GreyBird

GreyBird84 · 17/07/2015 15:31

Maybe I know too many cunts but the party invite mum would be a special breed of cunt to take offence at the OP's food offer.

FurtherSupport · 17/07/2015 15:35

Yes and after being the only mum nice enough to invite OP's DS. That doesn't make sense.

Fatmomma99 · 17/07/2015 15:44

I was wondering the same thing as UniS. For all you know, host could be a TERRIBLE cook, so maybe loads of the mum's are offering to bring their own kids food!

I also agree with netguru2, although I would have phrased it very differently. I would say let your DS go to a party he's excited about, then blow them all out if you still want to.

I'm another Fenella fan, and also Crystal.

I'm sure there are ways of saying something assertive nicely!

Good luck, and hope he enjoys the party.

littlejohnnydory · 17/07/2015 19:45

Shame her by being completely mature and reasonable. Say something direct, adult to adult and educate her.

Then distance yourself from mutual 'friend'.

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