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To think this is too much ?

49 replies

Edenviolet · 15/07/2015 17:43

School have always let children give out sweets for birthdays usually little bags of haribo or something little.

In the last few months it has changed. Pieces of cake and a party bag full of chewy sweets and chocolate. Big bags of sweets and huge lollies!
I'm seriously considering asking the school to limit what children can give out as every time my dd is getting upset that she can't eat what she's given (she has diabetes)

AIBU to contact the school about this?

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SaucyJack · 15/07/2015 18:14

I would be glad of a diabetic child in the DDs school if we could use them as an excuse to cut down on the amount of sweets handed out.

It's supposed to be a school- not a bloody sweetshop.

Edenviolet · 15/07/2015 18:15

We had to compromise and I let her have ten licks of it and told her she can do that everyday till it's finished. Which will probably be at Xmas the size of it.

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StAlphonsosPancakeBreakfast · 15/07/2015 18:16

YANBU It is indeed supposed to be school and not a bloody sweetshop, as Saucyjack has pointed out so well.

Although I might have gone to school more as a teenager if they'd given out ale [wistful]

PurpleHairAndPearls · 15/07/2015 18:18

Quite likely, I wouldn't have thought it was too unreasonable to ask parents to make a small change (ie limiting birthday sweets taken into school) so that a five year old could be included? It's unreasonable to send a 5 yr old home with 74 g of sugar, in my view.

The child is five. And it's good to start children learning about inclusion right from the start of school, I find.

AuntyMag10 · 15/07/2015 18:20

It does sound quite a bit but I do think you need to manage this on your own with your dd. what would happen at a party? Would you expect people to limit the amount of sweet stuff at a party your dd is invited to? I think ywbu to expect the other parents to change what they give out, but you can ask the teacher to let you know before hand and make up a pack for your dd.

stillstandingatthebusstop · 15/07/2015 18:20

I wouldn't be surprised if there weren't other parents thinking the sweets/cake being given out are excessive. It's not good just from a healthy eating point of view. Have you asked any other parents what they think? I just looked at a standard pack of Chewits from my cupboard they have 15g sugar (but 25g carbs overall) - so 74g is a lot of sugar for anyone!!!

My son has Type1 (he is 17 now) and I would probably have offered to buy him a toy or something, instead of letting him have the lolly, to try to avoid the upset and also to stop the diabetes feeling so bad. It's no good if they hate something that they are going to have all their life. Maybe you could go to the shops at the weekend as a special treat or something like that.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 15/07/2015 18:20

At my dd'S nursery some parents handed out proper party bags with toys, sweets and cake. I felt sorry for some low income parents who felt pressured to follow the trend.

stillstandingatthebusstop · 15/07/2015 18:22

Good compromise! I bet the lolly tastes grim anyway.Wink

bostonkremekrazy · 15/07/2015 18:23

Go and talk to the HT. Are they a 'healthy eating school'?
if so they shouldn't be allowing this to be going on anyways - if not perhaps you could encourage them to go for this label, and that would solve your problem.

our school lets the child wear the birthday hat, and get sung happy birthday - no sugar involved - bliss! and the children love the birthday hat so everyone is pleased.....its a cloth hat with candles on - very exciting, perhaps you could offer to source one over the hols and the class could start a new tradition?

Edenviolet · 15/07/2015 18:24

Parties so far have been fine as they have mostly had quite healthy food! Little sandwiches cheese fruit etc and cake we bring from home as it has to be wheat free and weighed and we just match the icing to whatever the real cake is and dd feels the same

I think it's just hard at the end of the day when dd is tired and the sheer amount of sugar is too much, if it's something small eg a freddo we can give insulin and it works out. Such a big lolly needs a lot of insulin but it's not easy to eat or quick so she would end up with low blood sugar before she had finished then go up high it's just a tricky one

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DopeyDawg · 15/07/2015 18:31

My kids Primary gives out 'sweeties' and choc bars for good work / behaviour.
Then grumps about contents of lunch boxes (apparently).

30 lots of 'sweeties' in a year is just silly.

Birthday Hat / song and plain buns / fruit would be much better.

ilovechristmas1 · 15/07/2015 18:32

good and fare suggestions saying bring and leave some diabetic treats for your dd

you cant dictate what treats the others bring in and its unfair on the majority to change it just for one,and this is going to happen a plenty as your dd grows up (partys,playdates etc) so she is going to have to avoid certain foods and learn about her condition

Edenviolet · 15/07/2015 18:34

It just doesn't work when all the other children are given a big bag of sweets or a giant lolly and dd has to then have something else she feels different enough as it is and it just upsets her so so much.
I wouldn't dream of asking for a ban just a limit

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Edenviolet · 15/07/2015 18:35

Diabetic and sugar free chocolate /sweets are not suitable for dd they are a laxative and dd also has ibs. Normal foods/choc are fine just in smaller amounts than is currently being given out

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AliMonkey · 15/07/2015 18:36

I bet loads of other parents either (a) think it's excessive competitive parenting; (b) can't afford to send much (or anything) from their own child; or (c) hate the ridiculous amounts of sugar (75g!). So I'm sure you can get back up from other parents without it having to be all about your DD. You could then approach the HT as a group.

MarmeladeMadam · 15/07/2015 18:44

I agree with the PP who says it sounds excessive .

I have to admit I wouldn’t be very keen on it (even without the diabetes issue and I can see that makes it much worse for you). One bag from every child in the class would be getting on for most school weeks and that can’t be great for the children’s teeth. It also doesn’t really chime with the healthy eating messages schools are meant to be promoting.

Its also a bit tough for parents who can’t compete and afford a big bag of sweets for thirty other children on top of all the other expenses that come with a birthday.

It sounds like the school needs to draw a line and start afresh with a new approach. Maybe they just see everyone taking part in the practice and don’t know that parents would find it helpful if the school took a ‘stand’ on it and asked parents to keep the treats and party bags for home. It could be done in a positive way with a letter focusing on what they do to celebrate children’s birthdays in school and how they make it special (special song, chair, fake cake /candle – just used for show , birthday hat etc.).

I think a chat with the teacher would give you an idea how they feel about it – as they may well not like it themselves and it would be help to know parents feelings on it?

PtolemysNeedle · 15/07/2015 18:45

YANBU to ask that the school asks parents to not go over the top with birthday treats. All they'd have to do is put it in a newsletter and hopefully parents would take notice. If they don't, teachers don't have to accept the sweets, they aren't obliged to allow this in school time, and inclusion and avoiding a distressed child is more important than being allowed to give out birthday sweets.

It's not like you're asking for treats to be banned altogether, just that they are a sensible size, and I'd bet there'd be other parents that agree with you just because they don't want their child coming out of school with that much sugar because of healthy eating anyway.

FenellaFellorick · 15/07/2015 18:48

Good compromise.
She's so young to have to deal with this. Must be tough for her.
I'm 41 and wouldn't like to miss out on all the treats Grin

clam · 15/07/2015 18:51

"All they'd have to do is put it in a newsletter and hopefully parents would take notice."

Hmm Yeah, right. We've sent out numerous reminders that we are a nut-free school and yet only last week had the best friend of a child with a very severe condition turn up with peanut butter sandwiches that triggered a reaction just from being opened across the table from the afflicted child. "Oh sorry," said the mum, airily, "totally forgot." Angry

Shannaratiger · 15/07/2015 18:55

That does sound alot, but I guess the parent just didn't think about it. We usualy give a lolly, little chocolate bar etc. I must admit though I've given small bags of skittles or a small tube of starburst. However I guess u could just give 1 at a time.

TeenAndTween · 15/07/2015 18:59

If I were in charge of a school (which luckily I am not) and you came to see me about it, I would agree it was excessive.

Then at the start of next term I would put in an article into the school newsletter:

Birthday Sweets / Cake
Last year there was an escalation in the quantity of sweets being given out by children to celebrate their birthday, causing problems for some parents whose finances are limited or who do not wish their child to consume too many sweets. This year I have informed all teachers that 'party bags' or multiple loose sweets are not to be given out, but that one small packet (e.g. harribo, magic stars) is acceptable for those who wish to do so. Please can all parents stick to this as it would be unfortunate for a child to be upset when being told they cannot give out what they have brought.

Debinaboat · 15/07/2015 19:15

Expecting a child of 5 to learn to deal with it ,is harsh .
i am actually surprised that the class teacher hasn't dealt with this already ,the school are obviously aware your dd has diabetes,
I would have expected them to have discretely nipped this in the bud already ,
They shouldn't even have to be asked .
A 5 year old child is being 'teased ' by being given all these sweets etc ,when the school knows full well she won't be able to eat them .
but to not allow the sweets to be given ,would mean that the child would feel excluded ?
Easy solution to that is to stop dishing the sweets out altogether ,
I am surprised this has been allowed to escalate to this point on health grounds alone ,
Only last week we were hearing about a sugar tax on fizzy drinks ,
Sugar is poison .( not literally)
I wish someone had stepped in when I was young ,I wouldn't be overweight ,and wouldn't have developed a sweet tooth .

Leeds2 · 15/07/2015 19:20

A friend's DC went to a school where they were encouraged, if they wanted to, to bring in a book for the classroom or library, and wrote in the front something like "Donated by Joe Bloggs on his seventh birthday." This was instead of sweets. I thought it was a lovely idea.

Generalconstant · 15/07/2015 19:28

Our school won't give sweets out at all.
A new mum sent in haribo and it was all returned to her at home time.
(Though there was no need for the horror it was greeted with, you'd think she'd sent in crack.)

I bet lots of children aren't allowed to actually eat those giant lollies anyway.
Mine aren't.

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