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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated with parents forcing children to sit and eat at soft play

245 replies

SrAssumpta · 15/07/2015 14:18

I spent the morning in a play centre with a few other mums and our 3-4 year olds, met at half 9 and stayed about two hours.
The children weren't even playing five minutes when the other parents were calling them back over "Simon, would you like a yogurt? Come down and have some grapes", "Lucy have some crisps", "Oh darling I've gotten you a slush puppy come down and have it before it melts"
I just don't get it? We met up to let them play, why couldn't they eat at home, it's an expensive play centre why can't they make the most of it? Then a huge platter of nuggets and chips was ordered and they were made sit and eat all the greasy food on their plate and coaxed with "Go on just two more nuggets then you can go back and play"

I find it so irritating, we could have just met up for breakfast or lunch but why take children somewhere they're supposed to have fun and force them to sit down and eat?

OP posts:
CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 15/07/2015 15:37

YAB a bit U - one of mine would play solidly without needing a snack then devour an early lunch; the other needs to be kept topped up to avoid a complete meltdown (esp at a place like soft play where there are lots of opportunities for upset), but does often need reminding to eat and drink (she is five, we are working on her recognising this herself better).

But in general, yes, let the kids play and give the grown-ups the chance to catch up without small wagging ears!

teatowel · 15/07/2015 15:44

It's only in the last 10 years or so that children apparently started to be unable to go more than 60 minutes before having more food.

Notso · 15/07/2015 15:46

YANBU we went with my parents for a day out with some family friends recently who have a three year old PFB the same age as my DC4.
The whole time her GP's and parents were following her round pestering her to eat, "try some melon" "have some raisins" "eat this brioche" or breaking off little morsels of their own food and attempting to feed her like a bird.
If she did eat anything they would trill "loooook Lily is eating melon, is that juicy Lily? Do you like it? Eat some more"
"Lily has such grown up taste"
I wanted to yell grown up taste, it's melon not a fucking mojito. If you actually left the poor child alone she might actually want to eat something of her own free will.

Lurkedforever1 · 15/07/2015 15:56

Yes teatowel the exact same time period plus size school uniform has become the norm

WorraLiberty · 15/07/2015 16:01

All these kids having tantrums and behaviour issues if they don't constantly eat

How are they going to manage at school? Confused

Topseyt · 15/07/2015 16:11

I don't get the constant feeding either.

For me part of the purpose of taking mine to soft play when they were little was so that I could sit with my own friends and have a cup of coffee while the kids played. Isn't that the whole reason for going to soft play in the first place? Grin

If I went for a whole morning I would haul mine out for a drink and a biscuit halfway through, then ignore them again until lunchtime, which would normally be back at home.

LovelyFriend · 15/07/2015 16:20

it's melon not a fucking mojito
Grin
cheers I needed a laugh this afternoon!

WankerDeAsalWipe · 15/07/2015 16:27

on those timings then you take them a drink and a a quick snack in your bag if needed and you catch them as they pass for 2 minutes.

RoseTheHat · 15/07/2015 16:28

Yes I totally agree with this! mine get a cup of squash and a biscuit left on the table if they want it, and tbh I only get that because I feel a bit mean compared to the vast array of snacks everyone else seems to have with them Shock If dh takes them out anywhere they get nothing Grin

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 15/07/2015 16:29

Worra I can only speak for my DD, but she has got much much better as she has got older, but in any case school seems to give food throughout the day too - I don't remember having fruit breaks (or a bottle of water on my desk) when I was at school

Nurserywindow · 15/07/2015 16:30

YANBU and it's no wonder that so many teenagers now have weight problems if their parents are stuffing them between meals with food they haven't asked for and don't even want.

NickiFury · 15/07/2015 16:34

My children were/are monstrous if allowed to get hungry so I preempt it. I can tell when they need something and ensure they have something.

I don't really agree that they'll ask if hungry. I well remember being starving as a child but not wanting to ask my Mum because I was scared she'd make me stay in.

TopCivilServant · 15/07/2015 16:40

I don't really get why this is so annoying to other parents. If we were to arrive at soft play at 0930 it would be 2 hours after breakfast so I'd probably give her a small snack after about an hour of playing. Then she could have lunch at 1230 or something. Why is that so annoying? Not sure how it impacts on anyone else Confused

Nurserywindow · 15/07/2015 16:40

But surely a couple of hours between breakfast and lunch doesn't necessitate a big plate of nuggets and chips? I can understand a child getting cranky if they have to go too long without food, but that doesn't seem to have been the case here.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 15/07/2015 16:41

Worra my middle one has a stash of emergency cereal bars in the classroom. His TA has them in the box that contain all the other aids that help my son through the day. His comms book, his mood fan, his little desk hutch for when even having to look at anyone can trigger a meltdown that your average nuclear reactor would be impressed by.

Some kids are very much governed by their blood sugar without being diabetic. If his mood starts to deteriorate before eleven, a tesco value cereal bar and a glass of water can very often save the lesson and sometimes the day. :o

That's not to say that all children are the same though. Just that there are some that can't deal with the signals their stomach sends in any sane way.

zazzie · 15/07/2015 16:42

Ds needs to be managed at soft play which includes going on with him and bringing him off and offering him food. If we don't the playframe may become to much for him and he may hit or bite other children. I would love to be able to let him go off by himself to play.

TopCivilServant · 15/07/2015 16:45

I'm also going against the grain in that I usually watch DD when she plays- just from afar. She's 2 and a 6 year old has pushed her off a slide at soft play before. His parents were no where to be seen. I'd rather know what was going on

OurDearLeader · 15/07/2015 16:46

My little boy point blank refuses to eat for a couple of hours after he gets up. I can't force feed him. If we go out he has to have a snack mid-morning.

Plus, yes, some mothers do know that if they don't give their child a snack they're going to get cranky and fractious and they'll have to leave anyway.

I don't really understand why you are so over invested in criticising people for something so trivial anyway. It's a bit unpleasant IMO.

Nurserywindow · 15/07/2015 16:49

We never got snacks between meals and it didn't make us cranky and fractious. This seems to be a recent thing (not talking about children with medical needs etc)

DeeWe · 15/07/2015 16:50

Worra, it was the break he needed about every half an hour otherwise he just got so overwhelmed by it all. A biscuit helped him stop and made sure he didn't get low on food. Neither the girls needed that, but I found by bitter experience that I was better to take him ot early than leave it too late.

Shodan · 15/07/2015 17:04

Ds2 went to a party at a farm/playbarn-type place last year. We'd been told that food would be provided, so, as he'd had a big breakfast, we took no snacks for him. (I should point out that the boys were all 6, but we stayed because a) it was a fair distance from home and b) the birthday boy's parents asked us to).

Part of the morning's entertainment was a tractor ride. We were all sitting there when birthday boy's mother pulls out snacks for her two, plus the one child she had given a lift to. Ds2 and one other boy (whose parents were also there) had no snacks. Birthday boy's mother told them she was sorry, she didn't have enough for everyone- and then proceeded to pull out another snack, which she sat and ate in front of them.

When we got off the tractor, having ascertained that ds2 was a bit peckish, and lunch was not immediately forthcoming, DH went to get him a snack- coming back with a bag of crisps. Birthday boy's sister started whining that she wanted some of ds2's crisps- and her mother told her to go and ask ds2 for some!

Man, I was cross.

And I'm afraid I told the girl that she'd had her snack, this was ds2's. Ds2 gave her one anyway, because he's nicer than me Blush

The constant bringing of snacks is new to me- most of ds2's friends seem to have one proffered as soon as they come out of the classroom after school, but I don't recall it being a 'thing' when ds1 was the same age (12 years ago).

LovelyFriend · 15/07/2015 17:08

I don't really understand why you are so over invested in criticising people for something so trivial anyway.

have you not heard of the obesity plague that is affecting so many school children today in UK and elsewhere? Compulsive snacking, the whole growth in snacking throughout childhood has a massive part to play in this.

I don't think anyone here it saying it is bad to have a piece of fruit between meals. We are mainly talking about, and criticizing, the growing trend for parents to push snacks onto their not hungry children.

I would take a guess that very few children even know what normal pre-dinner hunger feels like. Certainly most of my DC's friends, from very different backgrounds, are fed a stream of sweets, crisps, processed fruit "healthy" treats, flapjacks, biscuits, cake, doughnuts, crisps and dip etc in between meals, from dusk till lights out.

In the USA there is a growing trend for parents to had out snack bags - maybe its here already? Junk food wrapped up in a party bag and given out as a between meal snack - no wonder our planet is fucked

www.scarymommy.com/articles/enough-with-the-freaking-snack-bags?section=scary-mommy-blog&u=aoVCmu0yzW

CigarsofthePharoahs · 15/07/2015 17:09

I have to admit that I have been puzzled by the eating habits of the children of friends of mine who seem to need to snack every hour and then also have mealtimes that, to me, seem unfeasably early. Lunch at 11.30am? When one of my friends mentioned that I thought they were having me on!
The problem I have is that my son is the unusual one. He's something of a fussy eater and mealtimes are rather difficult and drawn out at the best if times as, as far as I can tell, he just doesn't seem to get all that hungry. So we have breakfast at 7.30, lunch at 1.30 and dinner at 6.30. Any earlier and he's just not hungry and he won't eat. Can't let him have more than a tiny snack or he's not hungry.
OK so other children's snacking habits aren't any of my business unless in a scenario described by the op. He will suddenly decide he WANTS snacks and tantrums will happen.
He will then not eat lunch.
He will then have a bad afternoon.
He gets given snacks at preschool and then won't eat lunch.
I honestly have no idea what to do about it. It's only been the last year or so that I've realised how unusual he is in this respect. I do wish some parents could be less obvious with their snacks.

WorraLiberty · 15/07/2015 17:12

I honestly didn't realise this constant eating thing was so common amongst kids.

Do you think it might be like a catch 22?

I mean if kids are constantly offered snacks when they're little, to keep them occupied/quiet/amused when out shopping, or at an event they'll find boring...I wonder if this is the result?

That their mood dive bombs without constant snacking, because they're not used to feeling hunger, so they can't handle it very well?

Sorry to get all deep and thoughtful about this Grin

But it would make sense if a child doesn't know what hunger really feels like, because they've never really known it, it would be likely to affect their mood/behaviour.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 15/07/2015 17:18

Worra, I think you might be on to something there!