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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to be concerned about exH takes DS on back of motorbike?

24 replies

daisyJ123 · 15/07/2015 09:23

DS is 5. He told me this morning that his dad (my exH) takes him to the shops on the back of his motorbike. I am extremely anxious and upset. Spoke to exH just now who said he takes DS to the shops on the back 'as a treat'. AIBU to not want this to ever happen again?

OP posts:
princessvikki · 15/07/2015 09:26

No your definitely not being unreasonable! I would freak, he's 5 not 15!

RachelRagged · 15/07/2015 09:27

Hmmm considering DS is only 5 I would say YANBU

ArcheryAnnie · 15/07/2015 09:31

5 is way, way, way too little for the back of a motorbike. Does your ex even have a helmet that would fit him?

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 15/07/2015 11:13

At 5 I doubt he can hold on properly - does your exH have some kind of reigns that attach to mitigate for this? I'd be really worried - I think 8 is the very youngest I'd consider a child sensible enough to ride on the back of a motorbike, and even then it would be dependent on the individual child.

Threesocks · 15/07/2015 11:23

Personally I think he is far too young, however, there are only three rules for pillion passengers in the U.K. -

  1. They must wear a correctly fitted, safety approved helmet.
  2. They must be able to comfortably reach the foot-pegs (and if that means raising the foot-peg mounting points to accommodate a child on the pillion seat, that is perfectly legal).
  3. If they are under the age of 17, they must have a parent or guardian's consent to ride as a passenger on the motorcycle.
IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 15/07/2015 11:26

More info needed TBH, protective clothing? Helmet? Does the bike have a top-box that he can lean on?

RB68 · 15/07/2015 11:36

yeah I would also say it depends - what is your ex like on the bike is he a safety freak or a bit blase etc. How big is the child - physically also makes a different for me. If he is kitted up, ex is a safe driver and the distance to the shops is short then I would reluctantly allow it to happen occasionally

lighteningirl · 15/07/2015 11:44

Is he going 200 yards at 5mph or 2 miles on main roads? Sounds like maybe he's just mucking about and that is what Dad's do my exdh used to drive round the close with all the kids ours and neighbours just giving them a treat. However If he's going far with no protective clothing or helmet properly fitted I would go apeshit

fairyelephantswellies · 15/07/2015 11:51

Does he have a properly fitting helmet?
Do his feet reach the footrests?
Is his Dad a responsible rider?

Dunkyourcustardcream · 15/07/2015 11:52

Oh gosh, the thought of my son on the back of a motorbike makes me feel sick. It took ages for my DH to convince me to get seats on the back of a push bike. No yanbu at all.

princessvikki · 15/07/2015 11:56

I dint think it matters how much safety gear he has or how safe his dad drives, you have to consider other drivers. 5 is just too young. If your not 100% happy don't allow it, if anything were to happen you would never forgive yourself for reluctly agreeing.

nicecuppateaandahobnob · 15/07/2015 11:58

I think 5 is too young. My dad used to give me a lift on the back of his motorbike but not till I was about 10 and that was just bimbling short distances.

TTWK · 15/07/2015 13:30

In some parts of the world, at 5 he'd be driving the bike and giving a lift to his 4 younger siblings.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/07/2015 13:32

This could actually be absolutely fine.
My dh did this with our five year old - full equipment, never went faster than 20mph- it was safer than tag along pedal bikes/ being pulled along on pedal bike etc

HSMMaCM · 15/07/2015 13:33

Someone used to arrive at my primary school on the back of his dad's bike. We all thought it was super cool. I rode myself as an adult and know that the passenger is in more danger than the driver. I won't let my DH ride a bike, let alone my DD because I'm a hypocrite

manicinsomniac · 15/07/2015 13:36

This would absolutely terrify me - a 5, 15 or 25. I would hate it and be so upset.

But I don't think there's anything you can do, unfortunately. As long as your ex is following the correct safety procedures and your son is happy I guess it has to be up to him to make the parenting decisions when your son is with him. But I'd be gutted about it.

Rafflesway · 15/07/2015 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 15/07/2015 13:54

Has your ex done any advanced training? Perhaps you could reach a compromise that he needs to pass the IAM or RoSPA advanced riding test if he wants to take your son pillion (and as others have pointed out, as long as your son's feet reach the pegs as the law requires)

The more experienced a rider is the less likely they are to be involved in a crash, so if your ex has been a rider for a long time I would take some comfort from that.

ConfusedintheNorth · 15/07/2015 14:56

I've ridden motorbikes (ah the days before kids) and been pillion, YANBU, 5 is too young!

Original poster
daisyJ123 · 15/07/2015 15:41

Thanks for all your comments & messages. No idea about safety gear etc as only just found out this morning & pretty shocked at this fresh revelation. More investigation needed into what/how/where!

OP posts:
Bicarb · 15/07/2015 16:08

I rode on my dad's bike at this age, and loved it. As long as he's riding sensibly, and your son has the appropriate gear, YABU.

ArtyBat · 15/07/2015 16:40

I ride bikes, but honestly feel that he's too young to ride pillion. Firstly do his feet reach the foot pegs comfortably when he's sat on the saddle - this is vital? Has he got a helmet that actually fits him? If no to these two questions then No, no, no.

Also, he needs to wear additional appropriate bike gear - jacket, boots, trousers and gloves. These also need to fit him correctly.... No arguing!

araiba · 15/07/2015 17:19

i bet they both love it

let them enjoy themselves

Smarterthantheaveragebeaver · 15/07/2015 17:39

I also have my own bike. I think at 5 he might be a bit too little.

Having said that, of my earliest memories is being taken up and down the road on the tank of a family friend's Norton Commando when I was about the same age Grin

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