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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave DCs overnight?

64 replies

CallMeExhausted · 14/07/2015 18:50

I am just checking to make sure I am not being unreasonable (more of an "if you were in my shoes" sort of question).

DD (9) is at residential camp for 10 days - dropped her off Sunday, pick her up next Wednesday.

DS (17 this weekend) and DNiece (19) are the only others here aside from DH and I. Our 10th wedding anniversary is at the end of the month, but because DD is away, he and I thought we might take the opportunity and go away overnight, leaving DS and DN home to fend for themselves.

MiL just about lost the plot when we told her. "You can't leave them unattended! What if something happens! You'll be going so far away!"

We are leaving Saturday morning, returning Sunday. We are not leaving the country, or even the province. DNiece is going into her second year of University, and lived on her own in student residence for her first year, DS is quiet, responsible, and very "by the books". It's not as if they will be lining the party guests up the moment we leave.

As well, DD is disabled and requires extensive care. She is at a specialised camp, and this is the first chance DH and I have ever had to go away on our own. We didn't take a honeymoon when we married. In all honesty, our relationship could really use this.

So, is she nuts? Would you take this opportunity for a short get away?

OP posts:

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 14/07/2015 19:16

Your MIL isn't being serious, is she?

WineIsMyMainVice · 14/07/2015 19:18

Mil is clearly nuts!
Enjoy your time away - and congratulations!

barmybunting · 14/07/2015 19:18

Go for as long as you can and have a wonderful time! As long as the camp where your DD is can contact you, nothing to stop you. DS and DNiece could be living by themselves at that age!

AuditAngel · 14/07/2015 19:25

If they are reasonable reliable teenagers (which you say they are) then go. At 18 my parents went away for a week and left me in charge of my 14 year old brother and 15 year old sister. Term time, I had to get them both out on time for school whilst attending college.

What things did you enjoy doing BC (before kids)? Reading in peace, massage, pottering round the shops. Antique market sounds interesting.

DelightfulFunky · 14/07/2015 19:39

Your mil is nuts but if she's that worried then maybe she can come and stay!

Enjoy your break.

DaisyDando · 14/07/2015 19:40

Have a lovely weekend away. All will be well.

Leeds2 · 14/07/2015 19:45

Go, without a backwards glance (as long as DS and DN are Ok with that).

Whereabouts, roughly, will you be going so that we can give suggestions as to where to visit?

mugglingalong · 14/07/2015 19:51

Yes maybe MIL can stay with them, and while she is at it could be the first port of call if your dd needs someone over the weekend. I hope that you have a lovely weekend.

TruJay · 14/07/2015 19:54

Crikey, of course they can be left, it's worrying if they can't.
We were left much younger than that. The PPs saying absolutely not to a 13 year old left overnight would cringe at stories from my childhood

Starlightbright1 · 14/07/2015 20:01

No I think a none issue

PowderMum · 14/07/2015 20:01

Agree with most others your MIL is nuts.

Last year DD17 went on a school trip at half term so DH, other DC and I went off on holiday overseas. She came back on the Friday morning and we didn't get back until late on the Sunday. The only help she had was a lift from school via the cattery (to collect the cat) and home. She walked to Tesco to get fresh food.

This year she has opted out of our family holiday to go to a festival with her friends so she will be at home for 5 days then away for 4 whilst we are out of the country. I will get my friends to check up on her, but otherwise she is now 18 and off to uni (hopefully) so should be capable just like your DN and DC.

scarlets · 14/07/2015 20:03

When I read the title, I thought that they were going to be 15ish, and that the comments would be more mixed. So, I was quite surprised to read that they're 17 and 19 which is of course ok. Enjoy your trip!

MrsMook · 14/07/2015 20:31

Go and enjoy yourselves!

I was left at 15 for a week with my 22 year DB. He was technically the adult, I was the sensible one!

WhyOWhyWouldYou · 14/07/2015 21:04

MIL has lost the plot! Go have a weekend of peace and quiet. If I was you (and work finish times allowed) I'd think about going Friday evening, having a meal out and stopping somewhere on route to the Saturday night destination.

SakuraSakura · 14/07/2015 21:15

Crazy talk from your MIL. Go, leave them, enjoy your break

willconcern · 14/07/2015 21:33

17 and 19, and one away at uni. Your MIL is totally insane. Go. Can't your DH get more time off, and you could go for a proper holiday?

FurtherSupport · 14/07/2015 21:53

Are you sure MIL isn't concerned about leaving opposite sex, teenage cousins alone together, rather than alone IYSWIM. In which case, she might have a point....?

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 14/07/2015 23:04

Are you sure MIL isn't concerned about leaving opposite sex, teenage cousins alone together

LynetteScavo · 14/07/2015 23:10

Ewwww......they are cousins!

LynetteScavo · 14/07/2015 23:11

Go. Have fun.

If your MILs that bothered, she can arrange someone to look after them.

Dancergirl · 14/07/2015 23:15

Yup, agree with all the above, they are 17 and 19 FFS!

When can you start to leave dc by themselves overnight anyway? Looking forward to getting away with dh in the future!

Happfeet2911 · 15/07/2015 00:36

17 and 19, go on a bloody world cruise! MIL is barking!!

wafflyversatile · 15/07/2015 00:53

Tell your MIL you've reconsidered and are no longer going away. Otherwise poor DS and DN will have her round there making sure they don't knock over a pan of boiling water, get stuck in a tree, or fall off their skateboards.

Original poster

CallMeExhausted · 15/07/2015 02:46

You are all amazing (aside from Further - your imagination is going to a place that both puzzles and concerns me).

DH and I are actually talking about trying to find a time that we can have more time away, but for now, one night will have to do. He is a regional manager, and in all honesty, he can't just get a bit more time. However, there is no reason that we can't do this again in the future, say, next year while DD is at camp, and make it more than just one night. Admittedly, we might have been able to do more this week (like leave Friday) but we can't afford it. He won't see any extra pay for the week of hell until next month.

I am finding it difficult to bite my tongue with MiL, even though I love her, because she and FiL are not "comfortable" caring for DD even one night - frankly that is part of the reason that DH and I have not been away for 10 years.

I think she has quite the brass neck criticizing us for taking a bit of time when we are not asking them for any support, as when we have asked for help, they have said yes, then reneged. I had to cancel a very special trip I scheduled for DS (and lost more than a penny or two in the process) because they agreed to care for DD for 4 days, then decided 4 months later that they weren't "comfortable" with her care.

Sorry. Rant. I'll shut up now.

Anyhow, regarding what to do while we escape... we live in Canada. The very southern tip of Ontario, to be more specific. That was why I asked for ideas instead of specific locations. However, if anyone has ideas about anything between Windsor and Toronto (we are thinking about overnighting in Niagara Falls) I'd love your input.

OP posts:

Original poster

CallMeExhausted · 15/07/2015 02:50

Oh, and when I was a girl - my mum left my sister and I at home (in Toronto, Canada) and went to Birmingham, England for 2 weeks. We were 13 and 14.

I'm not sure I'd do that... No. Definitely not a good idea (especially since I had an accident and required stitches in her absence). I was the younger one.

OP posts:

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