ruining my own wedding

[Fluffybear86]

Hello everyone im so anxious about my wedding its ruining my life.im terrifed im going to be too white on the day and my hairy arms are going to be obvious. Im losing sleep and actually want to call wedding off becuase i dont want to look ugly

wear something with sleeves.

Your wedding day is just a day. You can do it however you like. Hell, you can cancel everything and get married in a reg office with 2 witnesses if that's what you want!

The wedding is not important. What is important is that you are getting married.

If you are stressed and worried about the day - change the day. It's only a ceremony. You have it however you want it.

ok, if it's coming up this saturday obviously that's different, but if it's months or a year away you have so much time. But either way - you are in charge of it. If parts of it are making you unhappy - see what you can tweak.

If, otoh, what you have concerns about is getting and being married, then the focus on hairy arms or pale skin may be masking what you're really worried about. It's normal to be nervous.

Weddings don't have to be perfect. They're supposed to be fun and happy.

You need to remind yourself that you are in control here. That you and your fiance are the ones who are making the choices. That it is never too late to change your minds about any bits of it - ok there may be cost implications, but it's not against the law to change your minds! And it's ok to have the day the way you want it.

It's one day. One party. It's supposed to be fun. If it's not fun then you need to look at why and change it.

On your wedding day, you will be surrounded by people who like you and want to see you happy. It won't be the paparazzi, looking to pick holes in your taste or spot any tiny blemish or imperfection, it will be people who have come to celebrate with you and share in your special day. You don't need to change for them - they already think you're awesome and just want you to have a good time. I hope you enjoy it...

And research how to prep your skin properly for a spray tan first, by wearing off time it might be patchy but on the day it will look lovely, just go for a golden glow nothing too dark.
Best of luck with the wedding

Hairy arms- solution: get rid of the hair
White body - solution: tan

But this isn't really about the hair or the body is it op?

congratulations on your wedding op.
mine is in 3 weeks and I am also VERY white.
I have a lace dress and have found a make up artist who does lovely warm natural looking make up.
Dp was totally against me having a spray tan as its not me, im glad he talked some sense into me and I want to feel comfortable on the day.
how dark is the hair on your arms? would you consider waxing or bleaching?
im sure you will look beautiful regardless!

OP, please don't worry about being white and having arm hair. It isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I was day-glo white and 7 months pregnant-- when I got married.

If you are having professional photos you could ask the photographer to make sure you come out a nice warm colour if you want. A sort of photoshop version of a spray tan.

How about a bit of bronzer and body shimmer? However, I'm not a fan of too much make up on brides especially if you don't wear to much usually. Have you tried doing a practice run. I didn't wear any make up apart from a little eyeliner for my wedding - I had a pregnancy 'glow' instead.

How are the rest of the wedding arrangements going?

I like fenellas advice.

I have hairless arms because that is the way they are. They don't look odd.

i shave my arms and they look fab

sunbeds ARE harmful.

how about a chat with the groom, you know, the chap who is happy to marry you with pale skin and normal body hair?

these abnormal thoughts are very worrying. If you've got deeper problems get help, and start by asking your life partner.

OP "I am suffering anxiety about my appearance"

Majority of MN "cover up; spray tan; hair removal blah blah" (subtext: yeah you probably should be anxious and ashamed of your appearance and change it accordingly)

Minority of MN "You should try and deal with your anxiety" (subtext: There is nothing wrong with your appearance and anyway that's not important but your anxiety is making you unhappy)

There is a reason we get called a nest of vipers...

That's a snippy post IceBeing

So the OP has had more than one kind of advice and it's up to her which she chooses.

I see nothing wrong with that.

Don't get to tied up in all the media/marketing rubbish they publish in magazines.

The day is about family and friends coming together to celebrate you and your husbands, public and contractual declaration of your commitment to each other.

worra nothing wrong with the advice to use cancer causing sunbeds as a solution to an anxiety issue?

Maybe she should take up smoking too...or drink herself into oblivion.

*nothing wrong with the advice to use cancer causing sunbeds as a solution to an anxiety issue?

Maybe she should take up smoking too...or drink herself into oblivion.*

Oh for gods sake, over dramatic much?

going for a few 3 minute sunbeds is not on par in the slightest, with "drinking yourself into an oblivion"

OP, I would stay away from sunbeds, especially if you are naturally pale.

How long until your wedding? Can you find a decent salon with a good reputation, and have a trial run with a very light spray tan? It will wear off within a few weeks, so if you don't like it, it won't matter. I am very pale, and now and again have had a spray tan. I have the very lightest that the salon can do, and it looks nice. They always want me to go darker (orange!) but I tell them that I only want the lightest colour, and only one layer. It may not look dark to them, but it just gets rid of the very white effect, and it looks quite natural.

With the arm hair, you say you would look odd without it, well I have invisible blond arm hair, and I don't think it looks odd. You could bleach it, remove it or leave it. If you have a light spray tan, the hair will probably be less noticeable anyway.

Don't work yourself up, I'm sure you will look great. I am not at all blessed in the looks department, but I just try to make the best of what I have.

It's your wedding, you're about to tie your life into someone elses in a complex legal and emotional ceremony. The state of your arms is not really relevent. And I suspect you know this deep down, hence the post.

If your arms were perfect would you be worrying over something else?

If you wouldn't be worrying over something else, then sure go get a fake tan or buy a beautiful long sleeved jacket. But if your anxiety would just focus on something else I think you need to find a counsellor immediately to make sure you aren't actually really wanting out of the marriage. And if you don't want out to try and get some short term strategies for dealing with your anxieties that will see you through what is likely to be a stressful time.

Ice, if you have a point to make about the sun bed advice, fair enough but why not just make that point?

Instead of coming on to a thread, just to criticise people who have actually offered advice to the OP. Because I can't see where you've even attempted to offer any yourself?

This sort of thing certainly doesn't help to lose the site's 'nest of vipers' reputation that you mentioned, does it?

You are not going to be ugly but you sound as if you have got yourself worked up about this are you normally anxious about your arms ? It really is easily solved the jolene cream mentioned will lighten the hair or a gradual light tanning moisturiser but nobody will notice but this needs to be fixed because you are going to fixate on it .

Ice the OP has been offered lots of helpful advice - it's ridiculous and a bit Sad that you can see an evil subtext.