AIBU?
Awkward!
midlifehope · 13/07/2015 20:41
So we're moving in just two days to what is essentially my dream house, after 7 years in a tiny bachelor pad. My parents have helpfully come up to help us pack as I'm 32 weeks pregnant with a 3 1/2 year old! They have pitched their touring camping van on a campsite immediately to the rear of our new property so they can come and go and do not impose too much, which is very thoughtful. They are generally very helpful. However my mother just mentioned that her brother / my uncle who has just come off anti depressants has been having panic attacks (lives alone) and so they have invited him to stay at their caravan 2 days after we move in. And my mum has invited herself to stay at our new house to make space for him in the caravan. Am ibu to feel a by annoyed about this? He's obviously not in a good place and will be spending time in the house not just in the caravan. I really wanted the first week in our new home at least to be about bonding with me ds dp as a nuclear family. I don't know what to say to my mother without offending her. Especially as she has been so helpful! Help!!
bellybuttonfluffy · 13/07/2015 20:47
To be honest, I think I would just suck it up. You'll have a whole future to be with your nuclear family in your new home, but it really sounds like your uncle might be needing some family support at this time. You aren't BU to be annoyed by the change of plans, but knowing how depression and anxiety has affected one of my family members, I wish I was there more to help support her though things.
basicbitch · 13/07/2015 20:48
Agh I agree OP this is awkward! And YANBU to feel annoyed and to not want him to stay. I think you should definitely say something to your DM. Agree though it could cause awkwardness unless handled very tactfully. But your DM has put you in awkward position here! She should have checked with you that it was alright first! Is there some reason you could give for it not being convenient- to do with the dc for example? or is there perhaps a guest house or something nearby where the uncle could stay? Or perhaps suggest he arrives after the first week once you've all had a chance to settle in? Wish I had some more helpful suggestions, but hopefully others will be along soon with good advice. Good luck OP!
CrapBag · 13/07/2015 20:59
It's awkward yes. Thinking back to our house move last year, I don't think I would have been over the moon to have people staying anytime in that first week. The house is generally chaos!
On the other hand she has been very helpful and as you say you are pregnant and have a toddler so I would probably suck it up and put her to work (if she is capable) even her watching your toddler whilst you get things done will be helpful. I'd also mention that you would have appreciated being asked first and get a definite time frame for how long they will be there!
I doubt your DC will notice much about your uncles state of mind. He'll be too focused on the move/new bedroom/unpacking. If your uncle is feeling fragile he may want to keep, out of the way of a young child anyway.
PtolemysNeedle · 13/07/2015 21:00
Your mum probably felt she had to offer, and she hasn't done anything wrong, she's trying to help her brother who sounds like her really does need her. This way, she can be there for both of you at the same time. I'd try and be supportive. A house move is stressful, but if you're moving onto your dream home it's going to be a positive thing in your life.
basicbitch · 13/07/2015 21:01
Just want to add to my post- having had experience of anxiety and panic attacks myself I know it can be acutely distressing; have lots of sympathy for your uncle, and can appreciate your DM wanting to make sure he's ok. The support is probably massively helpful for him. But can also understand where you are coming from OP. I hope you manage to find a solution that suits everyone.
Penfold007 · 13/07/2015 21:03
If you want to bond a nuclear (surely you already have?) then you need to pack, move and unpack as a nuclear family. Your parents have kindly offered to do a significant part of the hard work of moving. Be gracious and invite DM to stay with you whilst DF and DU stay in the caravan.
junebirthdaygirl · 13/07/2015 21:03
People aren't mentally ill all over the place when they are depressed or having panic attacks. I'm sure lots of people here have panic attacks and no one even knows. If he was recovering from an operation would you be happy to have him.Having an unexpected visitor is a pain but him being depressed shouldn't make it any worse. He may sleep a lot and keep to himself as usually happens with depression.
AlfAlf · 13/07/2015 21:07
I'd be a bit bothered too, especially not being asked first - I hate surprises! - and so much is going on already. But, agree with previous posters that sucking it up and counting your many blessings is absolutely the right thing to do.
Your mum sounds like a very, very lovely person btw.
Patapouf · 14/07/2015 09:35
I would say no, moving into your new home is obviously important to you and you didn't invite any guests! Don't be pushed into something you're not comfortable with, if your DM wants him to stay in the caravan she can go home and he can pitch it somewhere else! She has essentially invited your uncle to stay with you which is not on.
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