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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not see the point of a STEN?

21 replies

GinInAJamJar · 13/07/2015 19:05

I was under the impression that the point of a stag/hen party was to enjoy a last night of freedom. Having a STEN (combined stag and hen) completely nullifies this notion - surely with both bride and groom there it just becomes like a pre-wedding party?

Or am I just being a miserable behind the times old codger as usual

OP posts:

MrsGoslingWannabe · 13/07/2015 19:12

Never heard of it.

WorraLiberty · 13/07/2015 19:13

Never heard of it either

Original poster

GinInAJamJar · 13/07/2015 19:16

Oooo I am clearly riding the wave of a new trend then

That last line was almost as cringeworthy as the evening of the STEN I attended recently in which the bride and groom to be spent most of the evening canoodling. Didn't feel they needed us all there for that really.

OP posts:

EmmaWoodlouse · 13/07/2015 19:16

I've never heard of it as a recognised concept with its own acronym, but it is basically what DH and I did 20-odd years ago. Neither of us really likes drinking massive amounts for its own sake and being silly in public, so we just went to our local pub for a few hours with some of our best friends (of both sexes).

If I had my time again I might do something specifically with my female friends (but then I have more and nicer female friends now), but it probably wouldn't be a hen party in the usual sense.

Sighing · 13/07/2015 19:19

I've done one. It was for a quiet couple with just closest friends. A nice meal. Really nice evening. But I can't see it being ideal with a large group.

OddBoots · 13/07/2015 19:22

I like the idea of a pre-wedding party. A night out with friends to celebrate without all the political stress that goes with a wedding reception. I wouldn't want a night or pre-nuptial canoodling though, that would be dull for the guests.

NotReallyAPrincess · 13/07/2015 19:23

Not everyone has a big group of female (or male) friends though, I think that is why people do it.

ExtraBlessings · 13/07/2015 19:25

The only sten party I went on was ace. The couple kept it cheap and it was lots of friends having fun together. What's not to like?

Silvercatowner · 13/07/2015 19:25

Think it should be called 'hag' though.

SellMySoulForSomeSleep · 13/07/2015 19:27

I've been to one. It was fab, neither where big drinkers so it was just a nice weekend away. We did separate activities to the boys though. Doesn't suit everyone and I wouldn't have done it for mine but I enjoyed it.

Metacentric · 13/07/2015 19:31

Oh, not this?

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sten

Original poster

GinInAJamJar · 13/07/2015 19:37

Love the 'hag' Silvercatowner... and the article in your wikipedia link metacentric would've probably pepped up the evening.

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 13/07/2015 19:40

I thought it was a Hag do?

YABU anyway. Makes far more sense seeing as these days most brides and grooms are long established couples with shared friends of both sexes.

seaweed123 · 13/07/2015 19:42

Thought it was called a hag do too. I can see the point as a) lots of people don't ever socialise in single sex groups and b) the concept of a "last night of freedom" is a bit pathetic, isn't it? There is nothing that DH couldn't happily do now after several years of marriage that would have been acceptable a month before the wedding.

It's just a night out after all, it's not mandatory.

Original poster

GinInAJamJar · 13/07/2015 19:44

So SaucyJack why not do away with the sten/hag do and just have a wedding? Genuine question, since it felt a bit like attending a wedding reception held in a downmarket venue in the evening.

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 13/07/2015 19:46

It's just an excuse for a piss-up I guess?

No bad thing from where I'm standing

60sname · 13/07/2015 19:52

The sten I went on was a lot of fun - bride is not a girly girl and has a lot of male friends, many in common with the groom. Yes it was basically a mixed-sex piss-up

DoJo · 13/07/2015 20:01

why not do away with the sten/hag do and just have a wedding?

Because at a wedding, you have to mingle genteely with your aged relatives before you can get silly drunk and raucous with your mates! (Having said that, we didn't have stag, hen or hag dos when we got married for many of the reasons cited above.)

funkybuddah · 13/07/2015 20:05

I know someone having one and I think it's awful. They will only be in each others arms all night which is desperate and a bit pathetic , you can let go of one another and not die. (honestly this couple are a nightmare but there are clearly trust issues there

maras2 · 13/07/2015 20:40

40 years ago today Dh did a 'booze cruise' around our home city with his friends and I did the same with mine.We all met up in our favourite pub for last orders and an unexpected lock in.All over by midnight,no one arrested,no one too sick to go to work the next day,no lap dancing or titty bars < probably not invented > and no fights or falling out.We married the following Saturday with all of the said friends present.We celebrate our Ruby Wedding Anniversary on Saturday with a huge party in one of the pubs from the hen/stag < can't bring myself to type the other word > do with our kids,grand kids and 99% of the original pre wedding piss up.Well it worked for us. Shit,sorry to prattle on but what a trip down memory lane for this old gimmer.

pissovski · 13/07/2015 21:23

The one I went to a few years back was what 60sname said :)

The hens and stags did separate group activities during the day, and then went for a meal separately. After the meal some ppl went home and those who wanted to went to a pub, where the 2 groups met up. IMO, the night got better then, as DH and 2 of my best mates were now there! Went onto a cheesy club and had a fab night!

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