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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think having an affair is not the norm...

22 replies

Nervypreg · 13/07/2015 18:39

Just been having a chat with some lady friends. One of them is annoying and tries really hard to be cool, dropping in "down with da kids" phrases despite being a married mother of primary school kids. It's really cringe worthy watching her try to be edgy and kooky, it's almost funny if it wasn't serious...

Well, one of the others is single and has met a young bloke. Annoying one is egging her on and starts up talking about " dick" and "noshing off" etc. She now wants to meet him and his friends. I'm a bit like Hmm but keep it to myself, then she persists and more or less tells me I'm a prude and hints that it's quite normal. WTAF?

I am in a loving marriage and have no desire to prove my worth by having a bit of "dick" elsewhere, but she's made me feel boring. I've thought through all of my friends and none of them seem to be the type to dally in those muddy waters... So AIBU to think she's an arse and maybe tries hard to get attention from anyone, or am I indeed a prudish bore? Are you all having it orf with others and I'm oblivious??

TIA Smile

OP posts:
why156 · 13/07/2015 18:43

She's an arse definitely. Though I (in bleaker moments) do wonder how many people have affairs and if h has ever had one.

Original poster
Nervypreg · 13/07/2015 18:46

Yes, and me, but I've got quite enough on my plate with kids and work and my lovely DH. I haven't got time to fart!!

OP posts:
snowglobemouse · 13/07/2015 18:49

idk...they seem to be more the norm than I would have expected! I'm aware of several friends/ friends of friends who have had affairs but since none of them seem to be 'emotional' or 'meaningful' affairs, it's seen as not a big deal Shock

UngratefulMoo · 13/07/2015 18:50

It is common, but that doesn't make it normal.

I've seen the incredibly horrible damage and distress that adultery can cause and wouldn't wish it on anyone.

And no, I've never cheated on DH.

BitOfFun · 13/07/2015 18:52

I'm confused- who's having an affair?

PotteringAlong · 13/07/2015 18:53

I don't think having an affair is the norm.

noblegiraffe · 13/07/2015 18:54

She sounds grim and would be off my Christmas card list.

MaliaGrace · 13/07/2015 18:56

I'm also confused eg the reference to having an affair and your original post ..

justmyview · 13/07/2015 18:57

I can say, hand on heart, that I would never have an affair. My first love cheated on me and it screwed me up big time

winterland · 13/07/2015 18:59

I thought you said she was single?

Iflyaway · 13/07/2015 19:00

I find one relationship intense enough without having to double the trouble! Grin

I would just hate to have to live a lie in your most personal relationship, I just couldn't be so sneaky....

Where's your integrity? I often see it as people being afraid of being alone. Have one lined up as it were.

AreYouThinkingWhatImThinking · 13/07/2015 19:01

Jeez, how old is she?! She sounds about 16! I think she's rather insecure and feels the need to look 'cool' 'edgy' and liked... but actually she makes herself look a bit of a twat

treaclesoda · 13/07/2015 19:05

I love how you say she is a friend but then in the next sentence say she is annoying. Go on, admit it, you don't like her much, do you? Grin

Mind you, I don't blame you, she sounds awful...

MrsTedCrilly · 13/07/2015 19:07

I think OP means annoying friend is keen on starting something with their mates' blokes friends?
It is very common, it probably always has been though but we're more aware of it now! I could never cheat and most people I know couldn't, but there have been a few cases that have shocked me.. People I thought had the best relationships and just didn't seem the type.
And however much we all find out about people.. There's even more going on that we don't know about!

OurDearLeader · 13/07/2015 19:17

Had she actually said she wants to have an affair? If she has then YANBU to find it distasteful. But it sounds from your OP that she hasn't, and you are just assuming that because she discussed sex and would like to meet her friends other half and his friends she wants an affair.

Whether she wanted an affair or not I would find what she said yuk and embarrassing. But not enough to judge her as going out all guns blazing for an affair.

dominogocatgo · 13/07/2015 19:22

You might expect most people having affairs to keep pretty quiet about it, hence it's hard to say just how normal or it is.

HopOnTheMonnerBus · 13/07/2015 19:28

This is the sort of - I'll say the awful word - banter I'd have with my female friends. Immature? Definitely, but it's our sort of humour.
None of us would seriously consider any kind of affair and are all in happy relationships, but to hear us you'd think differently.

fancyanotherfez · 13/07/2015 19:31

She sounds like she's all talk otherwise why would she say something so openly? I only know one of my married couple friends who cheated but we layer found out the marriage was dead and they hadn't shared a bed for about 2 years so we're effectively separated but living the same house. Both of them had affairs and are both with their new partners. Of course there could be loads I don't know about but who has the time?

kissmethere · 13/07/2015 19:37

Maybe she's a mouth and no trousers. She'd probably shit herself if one of the blokes really wanted her to "nosh him off"
Yea she's trying to be cool. I don't know that many people who cheat except one in particular seems to have got sick of her bloke and is out for what she can get.

bigbumtheory · 13/07/2015 19:38

I think it says more about her and the state of her relationship...It's fine having a giggle about sex amongst friends if you want it but if the other friend is talking about wanting an affair then it says more about her then anyone else.

I expect she's all mouth though. The people I've known to want affairs have been more secretive then shouty.

Original poster
Nervypreg · 13/07/2015 21:04

Thanks all! I came away feeling ever so fusty and boring!! Yes, the idea being that she wanted to meet other friends chap and his mates so she could see what's on offer. It's just yuck. The other friend is single but I don't know what she thinks of it all as she didn't really respond.
She's lovely on her own, but when she gets with others she's so much about the attention it makes me want to just leave. She's always been the same. She's the sort that flirts with your new boyfriend. No, she's not happy in her marriage. she practically had to beg her husband to marry her, then beg for kids. Now she's got them, they drive her bonkers!

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 13/07/2015 21:30

No, I don't think it's the norm at all. I think you can get that impression though if you spend a lot of time on MN.

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