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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be put off internet dating because of one freak?

46 replies

WaynettaStock · 12/07/2015 20:41

Sorry had to name change as I have a friend on here who knows my usename.
Basically been seeing someone for a few weeks. First few dates were fine, no issues. Then on one date he literally just froze half way through saying something, froze his arm in mid air and everything and just stood like that for about two minutes before all of a sudden 'unfreezing' and carrying on like nothing had happened. Isolated incident on that date but I did freak me out, when i questioned him on it he made out that he had no idea what I was talking about. A few dates later, everything had been going fine and then on one date we bought some muffins and without warning he slammed his into his forehead. We were actually sat in Costa at the time. People were staring, I was mortified. Agsin he acted like nothing had happened yet he continued walking around town with mess all over his head. I told him we were not working out and I wished him well. He said he was upset, didn't know why I'd suddenly gone off him and wished there was a second chance. I gave him a second chance telling him any daft behaviour and it would be over. Went well for a few dates and then one night we were at his house, he said he was going to toilet but I saw him walk into the airing cupboard and shut the door. He stayed in there for ages so I gave him 20 mins then decided to leave. As I was leaving I opened the cupboard door to tell him and he was just stood there in the dark!!
I'm now frightened to meet anyone else and keep wondering if I've had a narrow escape from actually been hurt in some way, am I over reacting?? It's freaked me out so much. Only been 3 weeks since I last saw him but I feel so on edge and paranoid I don't really know what to think.

OP posts:

DioneTheDiabolist · 12/07/2015 23:44

Sounds like epilepsy to me and he may not be aware of it. OP I second sending him a message telling him of these episodes and advising him to report them to his GP.

wickedlazy · 12/07/2015 23:56

My grandfather has really severe epilepsy and can do some really weird stuff when he is having a fit, stroking walls, walking aimlessly around the house making noises like a crying baby etc and has no recollection at all afterwards. This sounds kind of similar. If he doesn't have it, yes it's really odd, but if he does, then to decide if you can deal with his condition.

whothehellknows · 13/07/2015 05:47

Yes to what previous posters have said re: epilepsy. Having spent quite a bit of time around people with the condition, none of the things you describe would surprise me at all. He won't have been doing it to freak you out!

You really should tell him to go see his GP. If he doesn't know and it's left untreated, he could be in real danger. Imagine if he freezes like that while crossing the road, or cooking dinner? Even a bath can be dangerous for someone with untreated epilepsy!

CookieWarbler · 13/07/2015 07:06

Why the harsh comments for the OP? Yes this guy may have epilepsy but if the OP has never had any experience with epilepsy she's unlikely to have any idea what absence seizures are or what form they take. She's new to internet dating and has probably had lots of people tell her how full of oddballs it is and therefore he first conclusion would be that he's odd! It does not mean she's lacking in compassion or kindness and I say this as someone who has had epilepsy.

I would second emailing him with a couple of links and explaining what happened as if he really isn't aware of these episodes he should see a doctor.
Good luck with further dating OP and don't let it put you off.

SeaMedows · 13/07/2015 07:11

My friend and I have been on online dates with quite a few people now, and so far everyone's been perfectly nice and ordinary. Some people a little dull, some really interesting to talk to but no spark, some fun and potentially something extra there...

So don't let it out you off online dating, just because one person turns out to have undiagnosed medical issues.

KatyN · 13/07/2015 08:47

Don't give up internet dating, purely for the dinner party stories for the rest of your life. This chap might not be your best story as he may have medical issues but there will be many many more.

I met my husband on the internet. Can't tell you how many times I've told the story of he chap who after one date spent the night ringing and texting me that I hadn't made him feel special and I would never meet anyone and I deserved to be single and sad forever.. The list goes on!!

The night I met my husband I started talking to the wrong man at the bar until I saw the bloke who actually looked like his picture two seats down. He then sank 4 pints and was't entirely coherant. I carried on seeing other people until date 4.

Brilliant times!!!

TTWK · 13/07/2015 08:51

Internet dating.....the odds are good but the goods are odd.

LikeTheShoes · 13/07/2015 08:56

poorly controlled (possibly undiagnosed) absence epilepsy.
I hope he doesn't drive!

otherwise did you like him?

Beeswax2017 · 13/07/2015 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

penguinsaresmall · 13/07/2015 09:11

Well hopefully op you've now learnt something from the responses on here and understand a little about absence seizures - and that this man is not a 'freak'. Even if it's a mental health problem and not epilepsy, he's still not a 'freak'.

I think you should ask for the title of your thread to be changed actually op

Maybe you should also talk to him about why you decided not to see him again. As others have said, it may be undiagnosed epilepsy and therefore he won't necessarily have a clue. I don't really understand why you feel on edge and paranoid tbh...

ohtheholidays · 13/07/2015 09:15

I'm not going to have a go at you OP.Yes he could have a medical condition,none of us know or he could be someone that you might not have been safe around on your own.
Everyone try's to be so PC now for the fear of offending anyone I'm disabled and have 2 disabled children,what you said didn't offend me

Don't give up OP,I met my DH on a dating site(don't know if your allowed to say what one on here or not?)before DH messaged me I did receive some weird messages(a few hundred)but the good thing with online dating sites is you can get to know a bit about the person before you decide to meet up.

Next time if any Red Flags come up for you online don't arrange to meet them and if the Red Flags start waving on a first date,don't go in for a second one!

CrabbyTheCrabster · 13/07/2015 09:32

I immediately thought epilepsy and absence seizures.

Rather than calling him a freak, I would email him to tell him what happened and suggest he goes to the doctor.

How did you not mention it at the time?

TheChandler · 13/07/2015 09:44

Well, I'd have been worried I could have got trapped in a cupboard in someone else's house! I think the OP was reasonable to be worried. How dare she not have the empathy and understanding of possible medical issues that a professional may have?!

The OP has already explained to the man what has happened and been ignored.

starkers1 · 13/07/2015 10:04

Met my DH online. Seriously, continue with it. You could have met this guy in a bar or on the train, "weirdos" are not solely online, they are everywhere, but there are 1000s' of "normal" decent guys online too.

penguinsaresmall · 13/07/2015 10:06

Everyone try's to be so PC now for the fear of offending anyone hmm I'm disabled and have 2 disabled children,what you said didn't offend me

I don't have a disability but I don't see why that means I am not allowed to feel upset about prejudice and name calling.

WorraLiberty · 13/07/2015 10:14

See I'm struggling with this to be honest.

"He said he was upset, didn't know why I'd suddenly gone off him and wished there was a second chance. I gave him a second chance telling him any daft behaviour and it would be over."

When you told him about his 'daft behaviour', what reasons did he give for it? I can't believe that after having so many dates (and you have had quite a few), neither of you discussed it?

Also, why would you let him continue to walk around town with a 'mess on his head'?

It doesn't make sense. I do hope this OP isn't going to be a one minute wonder, and actually returns to the thread.

FarFromAnyRoad · 13/07/2015 10:25

YY Worra. Who would allow a companion to walk round town with cake mashed into their face? Just who? Ridiculous.

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 13/07/2015 10:32

I'm with Worra...mentioning hisn"daft behaviour" suggests the OP did bring it up, and that the man was aware of it.

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 13/07/2015 10:35

And what Far said, too.

penguinsaresmall · 13/07/2015 10:36

Yes I thought that too. But I have a feeling OP didn't have the fun with this thread she thought she would and won't be back...

FunnyNameHere · 13/07/2015 10:40

I've met both my husbands doing O/D. Definitely don't give up.

I feel so sorry for this man, and would beg you to please be kind when you talk to him. But don't feel obliged to carry on seeing him. I found out my first DH had a medical condition and felt so bad about finishing with him because of it that I went on to marry him, have 2 DC and stay together for 8 increasingly miserable years... Don't go that far! (The misery wasn't due to his condition, I hasten to add. He was just a selfish idiot too.)

Please tell him about his weird episodes - you might well be saving his life if you tell him. Does he drive??

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