To think that they aren't mortified later and don't realise they were out of line?

[KateLennard]

A lot of the time, specially with regard to children, when people who don't have children are rude or judgemental.

Or expect you to leave your breast fed two week old with babysitters for their wedding/party.

Or tell you that they won't parent like you.

That we comfort ourselves by thinking 'when they have children they will realise, be mortified'

There are always loads of posts on mumsnet saying this when someone is in a difficult situation.

Aibu to think that if people are so thick skinned as to make massive judgements about others and tell them so, then they are not going to turn round one day, even if they have their own kids and go;
'Oh no, I was so judgemental, I realise I was wrong'

And for that type of person they are always going to be right and there will never be a sudden insight into their past behaviour.

Would love to hear that I am wrong but it just seems unlike to me.

Before I had dd I knew nothing! NOTHING!

I don't think I actually said anything, but I certainly listened in on conversations between cousins, aunts etc who did have kids who were judging less experienced parents, and often agreed about so-and-so or whoever.

These days, I'm the one who is judged and found wanting by that lot, but tbh I don't care. Only one cousin has real understanding of my situation.

Anyway, to anyone whom I have judged in the past, I'm sorry.

My SIL used to judge our parenting and pass comments 'I'm going to more organised', 'children need to learn how to behave in restaurants' and giving advice on how to get children to sleep through the night. All the comments were pointedly said to show disapproval of how we (I) was parenting and not in a helpful way.

Several years later with a child who didn't sleep through and usually misbehaved more than our 3 in restaurants she hasn't acknowledged that she was out of order and still passes comments on what we do although she does do it less. I think she realises that it isn't a one size fits all but she is so judgemental that she cannot stop herself.

She did this as part of a bullying campaign against me so I've loved it when hearing about all the problems sleeping but I never passed comment and tried to point out the good points. Yes he is obstinate but when he gets older it can be a good thing as it becomes 'determined' and he will stick at things until he achieves it. Just makes it a bit difficult at the moment. Agree with other posters someone who is actually going to pass comment would be too thick skinned to acknowledge it later. Agree completely withDinosaursRoar on how it is different for them.

Yanbu op. Some people are just selfish dicks unable to grasp the concept that the world doesn't revolve around them.

Im the first in my group to have kids, so I know that most of the time the silly comments come from ignorance more than anything else. Normally once i explain why i can't do x, y or z they are pretty good.

However i do remember my uncle being vicious to my mum (her sis DH) when we were kids before he had kids. For example 'my kids will never get nits- your kids have nits because they are dirty' they got nits A LOT and 'my kids will eat whatever we give them' - i remember my Mum pulling him up on it when he was picking individual bits of sweetcorn out of a tuna mayo sandwich for my little cousin. He said it was 'different' in this case no idea how as she wasn't allergic. Plus his 2 kids are the most insolent rude kids i've ever known, it's so awkward.

But then he is a dick. He made his daughter cry when she was a baby and blamed me -a 7 year old child- and i got really told off by my Aunt. Twat.

I have to remind myself not to judge even now that I have two DC myself. I've never said anything to anyone, but I do find myself internally passing judgement on friends who make different parenting choices to me. I think it's natural to an extent, but as long as you're aware and try not to be a dick about it, then it's fine. 'Each to their own' is a great saying to remember whenever you hear a friend complaining about something and you have to bite your tongue to stop yourself offering unsolicited and probably unhelpful advice!

Personally I think that too many people - whether they have kids or not - are too quick to judge people for doing something different to them. I spent years being frightened to make even the most innocent comment to friends/family members who had children because I would get the "you don't understand" crap from them, swiftly followed by "wait til you have some" (at that point as far as I knew I was infertile so that stung a bit). Then when I had kids I had the "wait til they are toddlers/at school/teenagers" comments so, frankly I'm just being judged on a different set of criteria.

Whilst I'm happy to admit I knew nothing about children before I had them, I was still a reasonably competent human being who was entitled to an opinion if, eg someone didn't deal with their screaming child in a restaurant.

And I have actually found that the person who gave me the most insight into children and their needs was my Great-Aunt who was childless, but spent 50 years teaching.

I think people can rewrite history a lot of the time. Sometimes they recognise they wbu, sometimes things become reinforced in their minds. It's with everything really, I was given such a hard time by a friend of mine about living further away with my husband and not seeing my friends as much (still every damn week!). Now she's moved out with her man she knows she was being unreasonable but will insist she never was unreasonable and said those things in the first place!

IDK. Once I had children I certainly realised what an ignorant judgey twat I'd been in the past. (Still have ignorant judgey twat moments now of course, but am a bit more able to recognise them!)

God I said some mad things over years to friends. All before I had kids. I was the last to have any. Said to one friend who kept stopping our conversation because her baby was unsettled. "Will u listen to me. This is important. Stick her in pram and in another room and she'll stop crying" likr i had a clue!! I looked at my other friends baby and asked what was all that disgusting white stuff in his head (cradle cap)..told my other friend I'd hate to have red headed baby as I have red hair..forgot she had two redhead kids playing beside us.... Tried to rectify by saying no..no yours are golden blonde but didn't go down well(I also now have two gold.. redheads).... I sound terrible but honestly it was foot and mouth. I'm still friends with these people and they often being it up slagging saykng do you remember....im always apologising for things I said or did...

I think I was a bit of judgey, thoughtless twat before I had children. I didn't know anyone with babies, my friends were all childless, career-focused, so no chit chat about having kids. I remember sometimes feeling pissed off with my secretary for going at 5.00 p.m. on the dot to get her son from nursery when I had urgent work on.

Having children changed me enormously. I cringe at how blinkered, and selfish I was. Obviously I'm perfect now, never judge, and can barely stop putting others before myself, so it worked it out for the best in the end though.