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AIBU to ask you.. how do I make a friend?!

17 replies

alwaysaskingquestionz · 11/07/2015 23:16

God I can't believe I'm writing this, I feel soooo pathetic.. I'm not very good at making friends. Social anxiety Sad But I'm determined to try and change as I'm definitely not happy with being a Billy no mates.

How the hell do you go about it?! I've met a lovely woman at my voluntary job, we share a desk (admin) and we are so similar I'm a lot of ways and share values etc, would really like to move things from the professional environment to an actual friendship but HOW tf do normal people do this?! By the way yes I am a grown woman genuinely asking this question.

(excuse me while I crawl away and die a little of pure shame)

OP posts:

addicted2cake · 11/07/2015 23:17

Could you ask Her to go for a coffee during lunch? Or a drink after work?


startwig1982 · 11/07/2015 23:20

Agree with pp. ask her if she wants to go and have a coffee/cake. If that's too big a step then offer to make/buy coffee or tea when you have one and try chatting.


EatSleepRantRepeat · 11/07/2015 23:21

Don't feel ashamed! I think a fair few of us would prefer to have more close friends, me included! I agree with addictedtocake, start off with popping out for a coffee or a quick drink after work, or if that is a bit too pressured, maybe fund something at the cinema you would both want to watch?

It's normal to feel a bit anxious about it, it can feel similar to dating when trying to meet new friends we're compatible with Wine


EatSleepRantRepeat · 11/07/2015 23:22

Sorry meant find not fund, haha


alwaysaskingquestionz · 11/07/2015 23:25

Thanks for replies Smile picturing myself asking her out for a coffee like a DATE and am cringing! Is it this hard for everyone???

OP posts:

wwbuffydo · 11/07/2015 23:26

Sounds like you have made friends with her already! Don't sweat it. You're not alone in this at all. We're British. Social anxiety is hardwired into us. Are there other people at your work? Could you possibly set up a kind of group thing, drinks after work on Friday, for example? That way there isn't so much pressure on. If not, why not start up a conversation about a film you want to see, if she wants to see it too, invite her to go. If everything goes well you can go for a coffee afterwards and that's you! Another option would be to say that you You say something like I'm thinking of going swimming/to a book group/ zumba but I don't want to go alone- do you fancy chumming me? She will be flattered that you've asked her. HTH and I'll be your friend! Flowers


CookieLady · 11/07/2015 23:27

I find it hard too Blush. So watching with interest.


imwithspud · 11/07/2015 23:31

I would be interested to see the replies to this as I seem to have forgotten how to make friends too OP. It's so difficult isn't it? I think back to my school days and the friends I had back then and I really can't remember how I came to be friends with them in the first place so this whole making friends as an adult thing is quite new to me.


EatSleepRantRepeat · 11/07/2015 23:32

I think being British that we assume everyone has loads of friends and don't need us around - I have SA too and Facebook in particular is the worst for this! She may also really enjoy your company and would like to have more opportunities to socialise..

Have you really got anything to lose if she says she is busy? We're not in the schoolyard any more Smile


DrHarleenFrancesQuinzel · 11/07/2015 23:37

I think the best way is not to try. Friends will naturally form. If you have a good relationship with this person and get on well then things will develop into friendship. Maybe just casually say "we should have a coffee sometime" or "Fancy meeting up on X day for a coffee/shopping or whatever"

It does sound a bit relationship advice, but in a way having friends is very similar to having relationships apart from there is no sex or serious loving feelings, least there mostly isn't. People do love their friends, but in different ways. When people go different ways then their friends they grieve almost in the same way as when a relationship ends.


alwaysaskingquestionz · 11/07/2015 23:59

Great suggestions, thankyou all so much, wish you were my friends too now!! Flowers
I'll bite the bullet and 'ask her out' so to speak, rather be humiliated than lonely!

OP posts:

cleanmyhouse · 12/07/2015 00:32

In everyone elses eyes, I am gregarious and outgoing. I'm not, i'm painfully shy with new people. I moved to a new town 10 years ago and had to grit my teeth and force myself to make friendships. Just be very breezy and casual about it. Even if you're cringing inside. Just say "fancy a glass of wine/coffe and cake after work" The worst she can say is no. At best, you get a new best friend. Or somewhere in between.


molyholy · 12/07/2015 00:38

Nothing to cringe at! Go for it. Nothing wrong with saying 'fancy having a coffee after work on x day'. Good luck


Twowrongsdontmakearight · 12/07/2015 00:51

I'd focus on being chatty during breaks at work. Let the friendship develop a bit before going out. And take things slowly, don't rush.

If you have a more taxing day at work then say that you both deserve a drink etc. rather than make it like a date as you said earlier.


Talismania · 12/07/2015 04:01

Am horrible at this but recently just asked a person I thought might like as a friend to have a coffee with me. So far so good.


Kafri · 12/07/2015 04:39

Why not try something like picking a couple of coffees up and taking them into work then having a chat while you drink them. Might be away of introducing a friendship outside of the workplace? Not quite as formal as 'asking her out'.
Good luck.


dangerrabbit · 12/07/2015 06:29

Are you allowed to take lunch breaks at the same time? If so, I'd suggest eating your sandwiches outside/maybe suggesting going out to a cafe of restaurant for lunch in thre first instance.

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