I have been married for 20 years. From the early days it drove me nuts that DH never lifted a finger to pick up after himself never mind do housework. We both worked full time but his time was always more precious than mine. Now I have been a sahm for 14 years. He works 6 or 7 days a week and has very little to do with the DC. He will put the younger to bed and loads the dishwasher most evenings - he calls it "cleaning the kitchen" but unless it is rinsed and empty and lined up beside the dw he does not deal with it. I have been searching, without luck, for work for the past 2 years (since our youngest started school). It has to fit in around the DC as he won't deal with childcare (he is self-employed) and I will only earn minimum wage which would just cover childcare and we live rurally so it's not that unusual to find this difficult. We have struggled financially for the past few years and I have a private income which was been put aside for DC's education but is now paying our mortgage. I have recently started a small business (from home) too which will never make me rich but will help us through the leaner times. My problem is that while I do practically everything around the house dh who used to be supportive of me being a sahm is now increasingly nasty about it. He constantly refers to "while you were reading your book today" (about what I was doing that day: NOT reading a book: I wish) or just now we had dinner and usually I clear up (and stack beside the DW) I said maybe you could give me an evening off this evening and clear up after dinner he said "I have been working hard all day and you've been doing nothing all day". He has a point in that it's saturday and wet so the dc had some friends over but I baked for them, made lunch, ferried them to and fro and prepared dinner - not a hard slog but someone had to do it. I hate that he has this growing resentment towards me and my time - he is also so scathing when I do tell him what jobs I've applied for ("You won't get that" is a typical response - unfortunately he's usually right).
I don't know how to handle this. I feel that the DC have benefited from having me around, so did he but he seems to resent me so much but is terrified of confrontation or being seen as the bad one in any way (he won't vote in case he "gets it wrong"). In his stories he is always the wronged one never the one who made a mistake or said the wrong thing. We are married so it's not as simple as LTB (I wish!) so am IBU in thinking he is lazy and entitled and if so how do I help him realise this or if not how can I change my way of thinking to realise how lucky I am to get to wait hand and foot on this man-child for the rest of my days???