separating joint accounts and savings when only one contributed - AIBU?

[Fedupofthisshit]

Hi all, I posted about my shitty relationship a couple of months ago and I've finally found the courage to leave. Now we're having trouble sorting out the joint account. For background as I doubt anybody remembers my previous threads, I've been supporting ex-DP and his DS for the last year on my wages alone. ex-DP has been out of work for most of the last year and contributed at most £50 pcm - bearing in mind our rent was £500 pcm so £50 is a drop in the ocean really. We'd built up some savings which when I say we I mean I as he didn't contribute a penny. He got a job about 6 weeks ago and got his first pay packet about a week before we split up. So after we both contributed half to the bills (rent, gas / elec etc) and he paid his child maintenance, he had x amount left which was in our joint current account plus we had the savings in the current account too as we'd originally planned to use it for a new place. I haven't managed to sort out the joint account yet as I've been so busy but I have a separate account where my wages go into. We agreed to split the savings in half plus he'd keep the remainder of his wages as I didn't want to be a total b*tch and know he'll now need money for a deposit for a new place for him and his DS. Tried chatting to him this evening and he didn't want to know. He's since spent all bar £40 of his wages (I can see what's gone out on our statement) so most of what remains is our savings but he's swearing blind all the money in the joint account is his! I was trying to talk to him amicably about it, saying half the savings is X amount therefore Y amount is mine but he wasn't having it, just kept swearing at me and telling me how awful I am. Halfway through that conversation I realised he'd emptied the joint account! Thankfully he forgot we have another, joint bills account, which I emptied quickly before he realised. Not as much as half the savings, but still, I at least wanted something back. All the bills have been paid this month but now I'm worried any outstanding bills from where we haven't given final readings yet for gas / elec / water etc. will fall to me and me alone :(

I don't even know what I'm asking AIBU for really. I just feel so crap and I didn't want it to end up resorting to emptying the account, I hoped we'd sort something between us. We just had a blazing row where he told me to fuck off and leave him alone. I feel like I'm being a right b*tch even though I'm not entirely sure what for :(

Go into bank and kick up a HUGE fuss. Tell them when you split and why the account is open and ask HOW he was able to borrow against it without YOUR permission. Get that joint account frozen if you can and get a new acc open in your sole name somewhere else. Make sure your wages will go into there.

Get yourself financially dissassociated with him as others have said. Cab are great at this stuff.

he called you a bitch? well, then show him what a bitch does when she's been wronged like this - report him to the police for theft! the bank statements will clearly show what amount his wage was and anything over that which he didn't contribute does not belong to him.

YANBU. Of course he's no moral entitlement to money you saved up for the wedding, that should be yours. Probably not a great deal you can do about it now though, think of it as worthwhile expense to be rid of him. Your priority now has to be financial disassociation, as others have said. His deposit for a new rental is his problem, not yours.

Just think of the money lost as the cost of knowing exactly what he's really like and never thinking of having regrets that you are no longer together.

You have behaved very well, are in no way a b1tch and he is a using c0cklodger.

Enjoy your new found freedom!

Take ALL the money. He has taken his, what is left is all yours and if he owes you for bills, he pays that to you too.

Go down to the bank and kick arse too! They have put you in a very precarious position lending on your joint account without your permission!

thanks all. I managed to sort it in the end. After a very long and strongly worded phone conversation to Halifax they shut the accounts. Bizarrely they wouldn't let me remove my name but would let me shut them Caused him no end of hassle because of his direct debits but if he'd been reasonable in the first place it would never have come to this.

Well done, Fedup

Well done, OP.

Well done for getting them closed, what's the situation with the loan? He has stolen from you and it's utterly blood-boilingly awful that he has taken your money as if he has a right then treated you like shit, I think you're being amazingly calm and tolerant about it.

Epilepsy they said the loan is purely in his name. They've advised me to get financial dissociation from him but once I've done that it should all be fine. Thanks, I don't feel like I've responded that calmly tbh. I feel quite on edge with it all and at times, angry. I don't want to be angry though, as much as I perhaps shouldn't, part of me still loves him and I don't like being angry with anybody, least of all him.