To be shit scared about elective C?

[Givemecoffeeplease]

First baby caused all sorts of damage on the way out and whilst it would have been fine I was left for 3 hours before being stitched, by which time the area was swollen. It didn't heal well, I needed extra surgery 6mo later and my sex life was non-existent for a year. Took me ages to be able to walk and move about, felt really hard done by at the time but now (thanks to MN!) I realise this isn't unusual! So - due second DC in November and have been signed off for ELCS (took A LOT to get this, but that's another matter). I am happy with the decision as I don't believe the scar tissue will stretch for DC2 and have a mental block against pushing as I'm so scared of testing again (actually it's not the tearing, it was the year long recovery....) so happy with ELCS choice - but still shit scared. Scared I won't be able to hold my baby, scared I can't cuddle DS1, scared I can't lift anything or drive or even sit up. I'm scared of post natal care being crap (doesn't help that I'm in a busy London hospital and I can't help but remember the 3 hour delay of last time), scared I won't get decent pain relief - basically after a ton of errors last time from overstretched and overburdened staff I just don't want to be in hospital again. I am scared of it. Aibu or is it a shit show? I just want to manage my expectations.

I was the same as you - No.2 was a scheduled section because No.1 ripped her way out and the docs did not want that to happen again.
Compared to the labour I had with No. 1. it was a doddle. Easy peasy.
I had an post-CS infection too, but it was all trivial compared to the labour and various surgeries I had to have to be rebuilt.
It should be a walk in the park compared to what you went through with your first. Relax.

Elective sections are lovely. Calm, relaxed and the baby is out so fast that you're not even thinking about anything except for your baby for the majority of the operation. I'd do it again tomorrow

Elcs for various irrelevant reasons. I'd had straightforward VBs previously which were easier recovery - out the same day - so the elcs recovery was slower. However I was up and walking the next morning for breakfast. Paracetamol pain relief only by day 2 and nothing after a week. Driving after 3 weeks and stairs were OK within a week.
So miles less painful than your vb. It is surreal waking up and thinking that your baby will be here in x hours.
My biggest gripe was them not letting me have a cup of tea afterwards. We had to get DH a cuppa so I could drink it.

For me vaginal birth was horrendous. I has two of them, the first far worse than the second.

Then for DD3 I had an emergency section, though I hadn't had to go through labour in the run up to it. It was by far the best experience of the three, and if I could have my time again I would have all three by caesarean. Recovery was far quicker and it was soooooo much less painful.

You will be fine. It is a good decision.

Oh, and I think c-section babies are very bonny. None of the ruched up and wizened old man look that comes with vaginal birth, or did with mine anyway.

I had dd2 10 days ago via elcs, it was brilliant. Use your buzzer for help while you're immobile then once your catheter comes out, get moving (but don't overdo it). I am already lifting my hefty toddler and going up and down stairs no problem. My tummy is still a bit sore but no more than if I'd done loads of situps after years of doing none . And I went home after 48 hours, bliss! You'll be fine.

I had an elective, and although I was terrified before, it was actually quite wonderful!

I'd highly recommend getting a c belt to help with recovery, especially to protect the wound so you can still cuddle your older child without worrying too much. I also found it far easier to walk when wearing it. One of my best buys!

Not a single negative story. Thanks wise women of MN, you've made me very grateful, emotional and almost a wee bit excited. I'm sorry for all the horrors that came before the ELCSs on here. It makes me mad that it's the norm. I will relax and enjoy!

I loved my ELSCS. My first birth was an emergency c and my elective was so lovely and calm. I did a birth plan and had skin to skin in theatre.

I highly recommend ordering a Theraline caesarean belt for your recovery, especially with an older child. Mine was a godsend.

In fact, I'm going to go ahead and totally out myself do I can share with you this pic DH took of me having skin to skin with DS whilst they were sewing me up

Welsh what a lovely pic. Thank you. I'm hoping to do a "natural C sec" but am not sure if my hospital will oblige. Can't hurt to ask!

I think there's a line to be struck between being demanding, and reminding people that this isn't merely an operation - it's still your birth.

Given that there are no medical concerns about the baby there's no reason to deny you as natural a section as they can manage. I had pre eclampsia and diabetic comic actions and my hospital still accommodated my requests as much as was safe for him.

Easy peasy planned CS for me. In the talk up I was advised to take the prescribed painkillers to make sure I mobilised quickly after. In all truth after 1 or 2 doses, I wondered what all the fuss was about. I was home in about 48 hours and had to do a supermarket shop that evening (I didn't realise I wasn't supposed to drive). It really is a walk in the park. I did have one rather annoying lecture from a pious disapproving midwife belittling my reasoning for wanting an elective. He can go hang. No regrets.

Just going to add what a great experience my ELCS was. Like you my first child ripped her way out. My very conservative consultant said VB was best, unlikely to happen again, only it did. But worse with my 2nd child. I still remember the pain from both of them, walking to the end of the street being in agony. Couldn't drive, couldn't lift, couldn't even poop properly. Miserable for months. When I became pregnant with my 3rd the consultant said he would not agree to CS, VB is better. I transferred to another hospital and at my first meeting with my new consultant he agreed to ELCS. He said the scar tissue is so firm that the chance of tearing again is huge. He offered me the choice of a VB and offered an epidural if I wanted to try since the first hospital doesn't offer epidural which I think made the experience worse! My ELCS was lovely. I could do the school run within a week. I could walk and I could poop. The pain was nothing compared to recovery for the previous tears. Wish I had been more insistent about CS the second time as I have been left with double continence issues and I'm seeing a consultant about that!

To sum up, I was in your position, ELCS is easier, less stressful and less painful, you're doing the right thing!

I had vaginal birth with my first and elective C section with second.

ELCS was wonderful. Vaginal birth was awful, traumatizing and DS nearly died at the end. Plus, as if all that wasn't enough my bits still cause problems in some sex positions 3.5yrs later due scarring.

Prior to ELCS I was worried about bond, holding and feeding. Bond is definitely no different. On the holding front, they put DD on my chest but I couldn't really hold her because your arms are out to side - drip and canular one side and blood pressure being checked constantly the other. So DH held her and i just gazed at my beautiful (and shockly big) DD (9lb10 at 39+1, DS had only been 7lb2 at 41+ something). As soon as I was stitched up and back on labour ward, I fed DD.

Oh and surprising things were: my hospital did delayed cord clamping even in cs, as standard. DH was offered chance to cut cord (neither me or him wanted that - so didn't but I was surprised it was still an option). DH got to weigh DD, which he loved and it was nice to still get pictures of her being weighed. The staff also offered to take a picture of the three of us together, whilst I was stitched (obviously only includes the top of me) - its a lovely photo, even though DH looks hilarious in scrubs. Plus they offered me a cup of tea staight away and then an early lunch about an hour later.

I did find it really odd to know DD's birth date prior to birth (even weirder they had let us pick from 3 different dates!). It was really bizarre going to labour ward when not in labour. Then being taken into a normal labour room, still not in labour. Then I met the team who were going to do the cs - that was actually slightly scary - there were 10 of them! The epidural was fine - even though I was scared to death of the idea of one.

Recovery wise I found cs a lot better than vaginal birth because (a) the wound was in a much better place, (b) they give pain relief quite freely - I'd been told to keep it topped up in first 2-3days by someone who had quite a few c sections - worked great for me. (C) wound was easier to keep clean and dry and was easier to air than one on privates. The only thing I would say about it was when you first stand up straight it does feel like its going to tear apart - it won't - and its important you do stand up straight not bend for recovery. The pulling tearing feeling lessens each time you stand up.

It was a truely wonderful experience.

I had the most wonderful ELCS for my 2nd after damage first time round. Try not worry too much, my recovery from it was so much better than from
my first experience and I had a toddler too. I hope you have a fantastic an experience as I did. Good luck!

Of course YANBU to be scared. It sounds like very much the right decision for you, but it's still having your abdomen cut open. Most people would feel a tad nervous. I would, and I've already had an EMCS- which was fine, btw. It's ok to be afraid of a section even though you had to fight hard for it. Give yourself permission.

Yes, you're likely to be sore for a couple of weeks afterwards. Probably less so than with your VB, but you're going to have major surgery and it will not be pain free. But you can think about what pain relief you would like afterwards, the painkillers that historically have worked well for you. I managed to have a couple of points in the days after the section when both the morphine and whatever else they were giving me had worn off, because I was disorganised as shit, and while obviously it hurt, it wasn't horrific. I'd heard loads of things about how when they make you stand up a few hours afterwards, it's like your insides falling out. And you know, it really wasn't. I remember thinking this isn't anything like as bad as I thought it would be. And I am a terrible mardarse. Postnatal probably won't be fun, although tbh my experiences both times have been ok, but there's really no guarantee you'd get to spend less time there or have it any easier with a VB.

The good thing about an ELCS is you can make plans. You can cuddle DC1 using a pillow. Maybe even do that beforehand to get him used to it. You can cuddle the baby fine, again using a pillow. You probably won't be able to bend much for a bit, so make sure you have a changing table. Get both big knickers and low slung ones, in a large size, so you have a choice. And some trousers with no drawstring, just elastic, to wear while the swelling goes down. It will probably take a couple of weeks.

My ELCS was a breeze. The only advice I have is make sure you don't stretch, lift anything heavier than the baby and remember you have had major surgery so make sure everyone around you does everything for you. Do not try to be independent and superwoman. I did, over balanced in Mothercare on the night I left hospital and felt my stitches 'go' and then a few days later an external stitch broke (after being weaked when I over balanced) and my wound was open. Yuk! It was ok in the end and my DD came into the world safely, easily and had I not tried to carry on as normal two days after the ELCS there would have been no problems.

Good luck OP, I am sure it will all go really well for you. Just remember to take it very easy afterwards.

My ELCS was a wonderful experience.

I too was shit scared of being in hospital and getting shit postnatal care. Most hospitals will discharge you the next day as long as you're walking and have showered, and baby is feeding well. I made DAMN sure to let it be known I wanted out the next day, and sure enough I was discharged 26 hours after the birth.

I hadnt slept a wink all night due to the noise on the ward, so I was extra relieved to not stay another night; I would have gone mad.

Re: the worry about the stay in hospital afterwards. I had really bad anxiety about this after really poor treatment in a different hospital, after DS. I kept telling my community midwife that I was terrified of the stay especially out of partners visiting hours, so she actually arranged for me to have a private room and DH to be allowed to stay with me - they did say it would be in the chair by the bed, which DH was fine about. However when we were actually in, at 21:30 they asked if he was staying and then brought a camp bed in. Obviously it's not something they can do for everybody but if anxiety over the stay is high it may be possible. Also they were really nice this time round.

Oh and one thing I didn't think about beforehand - it was hard to put DD into the standard bf position the first 24hrs after the epidural had worn off - she was too heavy on my stomach (she was very big though). So to bf I held her rugby style for that time and for snuggles she was fine on my chest.

Mine was a walk in the park, honestly. Was present at a difficult labour last week and there is NO comparison. It was also fine afterwards but do make a huge fuss if you're in pain because it will take ages for them to procure tramadol and you need to get one in early.

I've only had an EMCS which was fine, it was the failed induction beforehand and hours of labour with no progress and an epidural that didn't work that was horrible.

Big pants all the way and if they tell you to take painkillers every four hours (or whatever it is) do it! Don't miss any, set an alarm to remind yourself if needed. It will make it much more manageable.

I was in a busy London hospital too and all the midwives and doctors were great.

Congratulations on your pregnancy too

I had a c section at Homerton hospital, East london, and it was great.
I was terrified about having the epidural, but the anethetist was kind, was willing to explain the procedure and was patient and human. ( I asked her not to explain the procedure, as I didn't really want to visualise it, instead asked her to make sure that I didn't move, which was what worried me most)
The surgeon doing the op introduced herself, demonstrated shed read my birth plan (which had been for a natural water birth) and asked if there was music I wanted to listen to, if I wanted to see the baby lifted from me (I didn't, but now feel confident enough to say I would in future), she asked if dad wanted to watch, if he wanted to be the person who discovered the sex, or if we wanted the nurse to tell us, if he wanted to cut the cord (which is more ritualistic than necessary, since the cord was cut by the surgeon first)
I'd read that it was good for there to be a delay on cutting the cord, and the surgeon agreed that if all looked good that she'd delay the cord clamping.

I recovered well, and all the staff were both factory efficient and kind,

I was frightened about the whole thing, and disappointed I was having a c section, since I'd aimed for a natural birth, and had read so much about natural hormones, and mental health and bonding and feeding. Yet I felt euphoric and content and in far far less discomfort than I imagined.

I hope you have as positive an experience as I did.

Pack big pants - my husband had to go to m&s in central Hackney and buy some as I hadn't thought about that.
M&s men's pjs in a dark blue etc are comfortable, offer easy access for feeding, and have a soft waist band, plus will offer some privacy when you shuffle to the loo etc,
Have your partner bring in food for you to eat, he can eat the hospital food they serve you, but you might like something better.

The drug trolley came very regularly, and we were told to call if we were in discomfort. But I found the frequency sufficient.

As for the lifting baby worries.
It's true, I couldn't lift him from the crib, but I didn't want to put him down, so I didnt.
If you want to hold him, and snooze, you can. The nurses have to observe you more frequently if you are holding the baby, but they won't make you put him down. There's even a column for it on the observation sheet,
If you want to put him down, ring the bell. If you want to pick him up, ring the bell. Don't be frightened to ring the bell. But do thank them.

When we got home we coslept, and my husband got good at burping the baby as I found sitting up from a lying position hard. I learnt to feed lying down.
But it wasn't terrible.

Wishing you all the best,

I had an EL CS. It was not a walk in the park but mainly because of errors which were outside most people's experience which I highly doubt you would be affected by including a major haemorrhage. I also took the 'up and walking next day 2 Paracetamol' as a given but in fact a reaction to a drug given in theatre meant recovery was longer.

I am hopeful that you will have a better experience, but i read hundreds of threads before mine (it was medically necessary but I hated that I had to have it) and not one person said "it was tough to begin with but we are.all.ok". Get plenty of people to help first few weeks, dot overdo it and cuddle your lovely new baby.

Also Google natural ceasarean - although I was a bit too unwell for more than a brief cuddle DH had his shirt unbuttoned ready for immediate skin to skin.

Please don't worry my dr said that the two best forms of birth for a Dr are a nice straightforward natural birth or where that isn't possible a planned c sect where everything can be monitored checked and prepared in advance.
I've had 2 csects- DS was breech and DD didn't engage.

For my 2nd sect, I dropped DS to preschool went into hospital for 11. I was taken straight down prepped and was in theatre DD was born after 12. After recovery, I was in ward just after 1 and DH picked up DS at 2 and brought him over to meet his sister.

By 6am on the next morning, I was awake at 8am I was sitting up in a chair and at 12 pm I had a bath and got changed. I was discharged the next day.

The main thing is big granny pants( I'm normally 10/12. I bought size 20). I put a couple of drops of tea tree oil and witch hazel in my bath.

The midwife took DD the first night whilst I was recovering from the spinal block but apart from that I worked with DD and she was 8:5lbs.I had skin to skin as soon as she was born.

Pack a button through or popper nightie as they give you a bed bath after surgery and it is a lot easier to get on than a pull over the head one.

You also have to wear compression stockings.

The main thing is to be realistic with your expectations. With DS I was over cautious and my recovery took longer . With DD I had DS to look after so i just got up and got on with it and I found that I was able to do a lot more.