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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed when told 'ahhh look'

48 replies

Hypotenuse · 10/07/2015 18:17

Is this a saying? When someone says 'ahhhh look at her' about my own child am I supposed to stop and look? How long for? How often in one conversation should I respond to 'ahhhh look' with just politely looking before I can flip my shit and say something like:

I am with her 24 hours a day and I look at her all the time and you're asking me to look at her over and over again while she is just sitting there, and I know she's cute but my god, I hate being told to look all the time.

Is Ms Manners here? What is the appropriate response to this? Is this a common saying where you are, am I taking it too literally? Please help.

OP posts:
MamaLazarou · 10/07/2015 19:42

Sorry, OP, but it does seem odd that you would be irritated by such a harmless, well-meant saying. They don't mean 'You must look at your baby now', they just mean. 'Aw, what a lovely creature. Babies are great, aren't they?'.

You're taking it way too literally!

ByTheNine · 10/07/2015 20:28

My MIL does mean it literally though - she just keeps repeating it until you do an exaggerated "look" and think of a reply. Then ten minutes later, she'll do it again.

Jackie0 · 10/07/2015 20:33

Just say " yes isn't she fab?" Or similar, it just small talk , and so bloody boring

Hypotenuse · 10/07/2015 20:58

Small talk is so boring, thank you Jackie. I feel bad for feeling that way.

I asked DH about it, he said it's just yet another social sutuation I don't get and I should just respond 'no piss off' for my own amusement, because I'm never going to get it.

OP posts:
ConfusedInBath · 10/07/2015 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hypotenuse · 10/07/2015 21:00

ByTheNine yes I'm not convinced that it's not literal either because everyone does seem to look, when a command of 'look' is given. At what, I have no idea. She's not doing anything! My MIL will say it a second time with a name 'hypotenuse, look' if I don't look the first time.

OP posts:
TinyManticore · 10/07/2015 21:00

Nobody expects you to literally look, just smile and take no notice.
If somebody said 'oh, isn't she beautiful?', you don't have to say 'why, yes! Yes she is.'

Hypotenuse · 10/07/2015 21:01

confused do you not have this saying near you? I might move to Bath if it's not a common saying there, I could see me quite happy miles away from family in a place with no repeated commands to 'look'.

OP posts:
NewFlipFlops · 10/07/2015 21:35

Christ. YABU.

Can someone start the dog thread again?

Hypotenuse · 10/07/2015 21:55

I missed the dog thread?!

OP posts:
FarFromAnyRoad · 10/07/2015 22:08

You really need to think this less OP. It really is just a manner of speaking and not a command to LOOK! Unless it's repeated, in which case it is a command and you would be within your rights to smite that person stone dead!
Why don't you try totally disregarding it whenever it's said to you. Smile and nod. Make agreeing noises. Smile some more. That way you can eliminate the well wishers from those barking the LOOK order - this will help you assemble your KILL list! Grin

basicbitch · 10/07/2015 22:10

Yeah OP people are just saying it to express how lovely and gorgeous they find your dc. You don't have to say anything... Makes me think of when American friends say 'what's up?' and I never know how to respond... I know that it's the equivalent of 'you alright' and no actual response is required, but in that split second I'm completely thrown and always want to say, err -nothing?! Congrats btw Smile

littlemslazybones · 10/07/2015 22:12

I think that when you have small children, especially when you have more than one it can be hard work to spit out a sentence without being interrupted or having some demand made of your attention. If I am talking and my littlest isn't demanding my attention or trying to kill himself off I would just like to spit out my sentence before one of those two things happens in the next few seconds. I do not want to look at him just long enough to have a small snippet of an uninterrupted conversation. This is why dh gets the death stare when he does this.

Flingmoo · 10/07/2015 22:23

I'm always telling DH to look at our 1 year old when he's doing something cute. Even something boring like putting a shape into his shape sorter or giving me a cuddle. I don't see what the big deal is. Just look and say "Aww, so cute!".

You sound really mean. Why would someone be annoyed about people admiring their cute little baby. Confused

Hypotenuse · 10/07/2015 22:32

I'm definitely not mean. But when all I get is random barked commands I tend to wonder why I bothered getting out of the house for this.

I know, my kids are freaking awesome. But I don't see why I have to talk about that all the time or be grateful when other people notice? Does that mean when I am deep in conversation and get interrupted with a 'ahhhh look', where everyone proceeds to look and a silence then falls, I have to be grateful for that?

OP posts:
Hypotenuse · 10/07/2015 22:35

basicbitch yes, what's up is similar isn't it. DH suggested 'listen here' as well, he doesn't like that one. He wants to ask 'can't I listen over there?'

I suggested that no-one outside of a bad 80s cop type movie would say 'listen here' but apparently it comes up in conversations with him.

OP posts:
basicbitch · 10/07/2015 23:10

Hahaha hypotenuse am giggling now at the thought of flustered men in braces constantly telling your dh to 'listen here' Grin

girlwiththegruffalotattoo · 11/07/2015 09:11

I've never ever been told to listen here but if I am I will reply "No! I shall listen right there!" And cross to the other side of the room before asking them to proceed.

When people say Awww look! They just mean isn't she wonderful. I think some people here are being a teensy bit harsh on you, OP. I don't get social things sometimes, doesn't mean I'm loopy :)

Nanny0gg · 11/07/2015 12:34
Shakey1500 · 11/07/2015 12:43

Hypotenuse I hear you Grin

I'm exactly the same. Literal. All the time.

And when folk say "Stop being so literal" it really takes me aback. Because I haven't realised I had been and need other's to point it out that, compared to normal them, I've gone too far (kind of thing).

I genuinely don't realise I'm doing it. It makes perfect sense to me Smile So you're not alone.

I'm sure there must be a name for it, a condition of some sorts. As an aside I also have a weird mental quirk whereby if I've done something practical, I can't quite believe it when it needs doing again?! For example (bear with me while I try to explain) doing the washing. I'll empty the basket, do the wash, basket empty, fabulous, job done. Then the week after I'll look in the basket again and it's full. I will momentarily stand there looking at it nonplussed thinking "But I DID that?"

I know, logically that the whole task will need doing again and again but it stumps me every time. Does that make sense? To anyone? Is there a name for it?

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 11/07/2015 12:51

This is a nice thing to say Confused

Some people have families who don't give a shit or show any interest in their dc. Your family are clearly very fond of yours. This is a good thing, surely?!

Hypotenuse · 11/07/2015 14:56

Shakey hello kindred! I am the same with tasks. Clean the bathroom. Three days later, toothpaste everywhere darn kids and I have to remind myself that it's not 'done' anymore. I just think when I've done it, it remains done.

Taking things literally, I've decided, is a logical and efficient way to live. I get so confused with sayings that mean something different to the actual words, surely it's quicker just to say the exact truth.

OP posts:
Shakey1500 · 11/07/2015 18:46

"Remains done" YES that's it ( or rather, it isn't) Ahhh nice to know someone, somewhere is also looking at an empty basket/fridge ( but we did the shopping last WEEK?!!) and thinking the same thing Smile

Also there's some conversations I can't process without wanting to kill someone when they ( in my eyes) contradict what they said previous.

Me- but you said xyz
Them- Yeah but I didn't mean xyz
Me- So why did you say xzy??
Them- I dunno!
Me- Riiiighht. So what DID you mean? Them- Sort of abc
Me- Then why didn't you just SAY abc??

Etc. It's exhausting. And puzzling!

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