To get pissed off at people pulling out of plans?

[BrianButterfield]

Arranging a work meal for tonight - it's been arranged for a month now. It's at a convenient time, walking distance from work so people could easily go straight after work and drive or get the train home, very reasonably priced (£6 for a main course!) etc etc. Booked a table for 20, phoned yesterday to change to 13, today seems like it's only 9. About two of the reasons are rock solid, but I've had too tired, family coming over, plans with husband and so on.

Is it just me who thinks if you've put your name down for something you've committed to that thing, you don't just throw it over for a better offer? It's plain rude imo. And none of these people told me, I only found out when I asked around so I could have been rocking up to a half empty table tonight. Grr.

If they don't want to go they shouldn't sign up! It wasn't compulsory!!!

It probably feels compulsory.

I'm with riding crop on this one.

Can't stand a works do. I go out of obligation.

YANBU. People are generally a fucking pain in the arse!
And rude

Hi five, Marshy!

It FEELS like an obligation. Because you can't just say "no I don't want to". You have to make up an excuse: previous plans/childcare issues.

YY to PP who says people say "ok" when initially asked but then when the Witching Hour comes (the day itself!) they would rather stick pins in their eyes and frantically search The Big Book of Excuses.

Works do's often feel like a massive obligation, though. When we have ours, we have someone wandering around going "Are you going? Why aren't you going? Please come, everyone's going. We'll lend you the money/sort transport blah blah" and it's like you're "letting the team down" if you don't go.

I always say no but I can easily see why people feel railroaded into going to these things, especially when someone keeps asking them about it!

This is how I asked people about ours: "I'm arranging a meal out at x on the 10th. There's a list on the board if you want to go." No railroading, no hassle.

And then three weeks later I went round the people who had signed up to ask if they were still going and half of them gave me a lame excuse. The. Some people didn't even bother with that but just didn't turn up.

It couldn't have been less coerced or less of an obligation. It's very normal for departments in schools to have end of term nights out and they're always totally optional. It would be a bit odd not to have one and it would have been missed by those of us who wanted to go.

Of course if I'd just asked those people in the first place (which would have been preferable to me in many ways) everyone else would have been hurt and offended at being left out.

So you make it absolutely easy with no obligation but people still don't turn up. Are your colleagues just bad mannered then? Are they usually like that? What do you think is the explanation?

I think they feel obligated for their own reasons no matter how you put it across.

Maybe better to say that a few are going out for food and drinks and all welcome but to let you know by x date if they are coming and planning on eating. Then maybe one email reminder and book it.

That's what I would do....or rather I wouldn't as I would rather eat my own eyeballs for dinner than organise the work night out.

As it happens I was sitting next to a gathering bunch of teachers whilst I was waiting for my colleagues to arrive the other night. One of them was moving to another job and she was having a right old bitch about her manager!