Another wedding one

[Balacqua]

My aunt is getting married next June. She's emailed me to invite me and ask that I book/ pay for accommodation immediately as it will be half term and she is worried it will get booked up locally (popular tourist place). She wants us to stay 3 nights - day before, day of, and day after - and it will be around 400 quid for us to do so. It's just way outside our budget and we simply do not have the money- I emailed back saying we can come for the day (perfectly doable distance) but fraid can't afford to stay and she has not replied- she has form for passive aggressive huffing.
Have I been very rude?

No. That's a big ask. I'd let it lie.

No you have not, you are attending the wedding there is no compulsion to make a holiday of it and stay for three nights!

Not at all op.
You don't justify yourself to anyone.

Do what you can afford and what makes you happy!

I said its because we don't have the money, I know she's paying for other relatives (money is not an issue for her) and I think she might see that as rude/ massive hint. Its not, I wouldn't accept it even if she offered as she will expect return for her money- ie do as I say etc.

Thanks ihatethecold! Tbh now I've written that down I've remembered that I can't really stand her and I'm not sure I even want to fork out the petrol money!

I would attend for the day as you have suggested, you'll get to see other family members which may be nice? Totally reasonable of you to not stay though.

when did you email? if it's in the last few days she probably is just getting round to replying, and I wouldn't assume she's angry. It's reasonable of her to ask, and reasonable of you to decline.

I'm guessing she wants you there the day before for setting up, and no doubt you'll be guilt tripped into clearing up the next day. Politely tell her to piss off. A wedding is a day, not a short break.

No.

If she were footing the bill she could invite you for the three days. Even so you would still be entitled to politely decline.

Anything else is completely unreasonable and bonkers. Don't give it a second thought.

I think its reasonable of her to let you know that there are people staying 3 days, otherwise you could have got there just for a day trip and been miffed (in her imagination) that other people were making it into a long weekend, presumably with meet ups and drinks.

I did that with my wedding for close family as accom and travelling were going to be awkward if left to last minute and I didn't want them left in a bind if they didn't realise that. They did all stay for longer, but it would have been fine if they had said, nope it's OK we've worked out how to do it in day.

Why on earth do you need to stay for three nights for a wedding? It's a bit presumptuous.

Thanks all. It's on a Wednesday so means arriving Tuesday morn and leaving Friday! It's just too much.

Not rude at all.

YANBU, stand your ground. I'm sure if you had a spare four hundred quid knocking about you could think of a few more useful things to spend it on!

Absolutely silly, some people just cant magic £400 out of thin air just because its a wedding!

Yanbu at all. I'm getting married next year too, I'm painfully aware that these things cost a lot of money for guests and wouldn't be at all annoyed if they couldn't stay over. It's hugely inconsiderate of her unless she's offering to pay.

She's being ridiculous, she can invite you for 3 days but you can do whatever you want! Go for the day, or not at all, it's fine

Not at all rude.

Do these brides not realise that sometimes we don't want to be there before during and after and just want to go fir the day!!

So entities expecting people to stay for 3 nights