claraschu I kind of see what you're saying but I had already told DD that both spellings were correct just one was used in the US and the other in the UK. I don't really want to tell her that many words have spellings that are acceptable alternates and she can choose as this will likely confuse her - she is 7 and just learning and at this stage I think it's better that she learns a single spelling and that's the answer.
The teacher has taught the class that ize is correct and marked down those with ise, DD's friend spelt it ise as well, which is part of the reason that DD asked the teacher. I personally thought it was good that she asked the teacher as she had got conflicting information and wanted to know what was correct. She is a very literal, rules based child, I'm a bit like that too so I can understand where she's coming from, I'm not sure how I can correct this aspect of her personality. Anyway I find it a bit sad that a 7yo girl asking a teacher a question is seen as being a "smartarse" and "getting on a soapbox about trivialities" which I find really harsh personally, but it's obviously not an uncommon sense so maybe talking to her about not questioning the teacher is another item to sit down with her about. I don't want her to be seen as an annoying little brat or a troublemaker or whatever. She's very quiet and biddable (a bit too biddable really and I worry about that, she's not very assertive, which was part of the reason I was surprised she asked the teacher) and she likes to know how things work and what is the right way and what is the wrong way. She's a maths type person (again like me!) straightforward "right "wrong" works for her. It's just how she is. I'm not sure she's old enough to try and empathise with the teacher before asking a question IYSWIM, so I will just need to say "don't ask questions about whatever it is" and she will do that, because that's what she's like. Rules, you see. Like spelling, maths, she likes to know the rules so she can understand and do. I suppose I could say something like "if you think of a question you want to ask the teacher, you need to consider whether there is anything in your question that contradicts any previous information they have given you, and if the teacher has told you something that definitely condradicts something you have heard elsewhere you should not raise it with them". I feel that's a bit complicated though, probably.
I suppose maybe there is a sense here among posters that she is a horrible, nasty, gobby, unpleasant child but she's nice really, quiet and "good" and studious, a bit too much in my opinion but still, I don't want her to get into trouble.
I just want to do the right thing really but it is the case isn't it with children that whatever you do you cock it all up. First this and now it seems her personality is an issue (I have been concerned that she is too biddable, rather than too gobby! So that is interesting too).