aibu. i need honest opinions on whether i look overweight or not

[littletwinkletoesx]

This is something thats eating me up.
I have always been overweight. I have never felt happy with my body. I do suffer with depression and anxiety. I think probably BDD.
Although raising it with my GP or a counseller i was seeing its been brushed over.
I hate to make a fuss. I just hate myself.
I have lost a lot of weight, i cant accept it i dont see what other people see. I still want to buy clothes in my prev size which was 20/22.
I felt slimmer at size 14/16. But im now wearing a 12 i cant accept it.
I can only see fat when i look in the mirror. I see a mummy tummy and stretch marks and all the flaws my body has.
If i ask my DH or DM of course they are going to say i look fine.
how can i get an honest opinion. How can i see myself as others do.
I know i sound vain and pathetic but ive been stuck in this rut for about 18 yrs. It consumes my day. Looking in the mirror. Worrying how i look. worrying about embarassing my family if i lookfat. Worrying about embarassing myself if i wear something that highlights the areas of me that i hate.
If anyone has any suggestions it would be appreciated. How do i accept and view myself as others do.
Im 5"3 68 kg size 12. So the bmi tells me im overweight. its more about how i cant see what others do . Surely a size 12 isnt fat.
Apologies if i seem attention seeking. Its something thats controlling my life. I dont want it to anymore.

Ask your GP. They will certainly tell you.

OP, would swimming or aquafit exercise be possible for you? Both are good for toning and flexibility.

i have no idea whether you are deemed to be chubby, heavy etc.
I feel you could be a size 0, but still be unhappy

I think a lot of people misguidedly cling on to the fact that they're a size 12 or a 14 and therefore can't be fat.

If you compare what a 12 was in 1940 to what it is now you'd see how deeply flawed that logic is. You can absolutely wear size 12 clothing and be overweight. I was wearing 12-14 stiff at 12st 8lbs and I was really quiet fat.

OP you have my sympathy. Trying to lose weight is tough enough without disabilities to deal with too . Overhauling my diet and being strict 80% of the time has enabled me to get down to a healthy weight and now I am when I see photos (not that many exist) of me at my heaviest.

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Because it is important to stay slim for health reasons, it clouds the issue that we should stop valuing people based on how they look, and value them on what they do. You sound like a great person, coping with your disability, raising your kids and being a caring person towards your family. I bet you do lots of worthwhile things and are a nice, kind person. So value yourself based on who you are and what you do, not what you look like or at least make looks the least important of all the things you value yourself on.

You don't suddenly start risking health problems the moment your BMI goes over 25. It's incremental.

OP, you may be slightly overweight by the usual measures, but losing more weight doesn't seem to me to be the priority here. As you are disabled and can't do vigorous exercise, it may be that losing further weight will require you to restrict your diet excessively which also, potentially, has long term health implications. You should be proud of already having lost a large amount of weight, which will undoubtedly have improved your long term health outlook.

It seems to me that there are two more important things to focus on, other than weight loss. The first is improving your self-esteem - I would guess that it's going to be hard to access good mental health services in a non-crisis situation, so have you considered some CBT-type self-help? There is a book called something like "overcoming body image disorders" which I have bought for my dd and which is full of sensible advice. The second is continuing and if possible increasing exercise to improve muscle tone - could your Pilates teacher advise on exercises you could do at home? Exercise is good for self-esteem but of course you have to balance it out so as not to exacerbate your disability.