To find people who insert themselves at the centre of other's dramas and tragedies really annoying

[daisywellies]

I've a colleague who does this all the time. When her SIL's mum died she carried on as if she was nearest and dearest next of kin; when another colleague's father was sadly killed in a car accident she just kept banging on and on about how shocked and shaken she was at the news, and even had family members ringing her to see if she was alright; and for the past week she has been going on about how it 'could have been me' re the 7/7 bombs because she once had a part time job for about two months that involved getting a tube at Edgeware Road - several years before the bombings I might add.

AIBU to think some people are self absorbed drama queens who see themselves in a starring role in every tragedy, even when it has little or nothing to do with them?

[FernGullysWoollyPully]

Ugh! Yanbu. I know a few people like this. What really annoys me are the Facebook statuses going on as if it's them that's suffered the loss. I find it all a bit weird and sickening.

[maz210]

Yes!!! I know someone like this! If anyone they know passes they always offer to plan the funeral, regardless of how close they are to the deceased. I've lost count of the number of random funerals she's catered for or had to attend despite only meeting the person twice in her lifetime.

I find it quite vulture-like and distasteful.

[Ashwinder]

It's very distasteful and ghoulish. Emotional vampires.

[RachelRagged]

YANBU OP

Also, in my opinion, I get the rage being dragged INTO other people#s bleeding to do's (arguments etc) , Agggh

[Leeds2]

It seems to be an increasingly common trait too.

[yongnian]

YANBU. Related to one, unfortunately. She's grim.

[briteside]

YANBU at ALL, I also find it so annoying. I know someone like this and it drives me mad.

I had some bad news last year - followed by a really tough year of medical treatments, this individual absolutely fell apart...kept contacting me about how stressed she was, how shocked she was, how upset she was...texts, emails & facebook comments. Never asking how I was doing or what she could do to help?

I distanced myself from her (Wonder why ) and now she comments about how she 'Still loves me and thinks of me constantly even though she never, ever sees me'

We never saw each other regularly before and I have been pretty busy & preoccupied fighting for my life

Grrr....still upsets me as you can see

[patienceisvirtuous]

I don't get it. It's the very opposite to being dignified and respectful.

[Pestolavista]

Urgh YANBU! My MIL and FIL seemed overjoyed when a major rail accident happened next to our local Sainsbury's where they had actually been - they live overseas - and it was special for them to have a tenuous connection with the disaster. They were glued to the TV.

They also rang up when there was a natural disaster in the country where my sister lives. They have met her twice,never asked about her since, but of course wanted to be part of the drama.

The sickest was when they suddenly wanted to visit a place in the UK where a young girl was abducted and then murdered. Vile, vile vile. Ghouls is the right word.

[FenellaFellorick]

It is horrible.

the very worst form of attention seeking.

Look how this other person's tragedy is all about mememememe. I am so sad. Attend to me. Comfort me. It's all about me. It's so hard for me to deal with your situation. Everyone look at how hard it is for me.

Leaves a very bad taste in the mouth.

[FernGullysWoollyPully]

emotional vampires

^ yes!!

[daisywellies]

What annoys me about them is that they want all the attention and fuss and drama that goes with a tragedy, but seem oblivious to the misery, heartache and pain that are also part and parcel of having your life turned upside down by a sad or tragic event.

[hearthattack]

This is a pet hate of mine.

I've had a couple of female 'friends' who've been experts at claiming other people's life events for their own. They are genuinely disappointed when they ask how I am and I say 'fine' (I never tell them anything to the contrary any more) because there's nothing for them to get their pointy little fangs into.

Arm yourself with garlic and a wooden steak!

[Debinaboat]

MIL 'visited' a town near where we live .the townspeople had just suffered the most horrific event.
It had the worlds press there she could see everything on her TV .
But that wasn't enough ,she had to be there .
Ghoul is the right word .

[SolidGoldBrass]

Definitely grim, crass behaviour. The worst of it dates back to Dead Diana and it's exacerbated by social media, of course.

Though WRT the 'planning the funeral' thing, does the person have some actual professional skills/experience? I have been trained as a funeral officiant and occasionally have offered my services (very carefully) to people I know but am not hugely close to. And I would say that if you are an actual undertaker and a mate's Uncle Arthur dies, it wouldn't necessarily be totally unreasonable to say, you know, could we help?

[SunnyBaudelaire]

yes I had an acquaintance like this, when a mutual friend lost his leg she was hand wringing and saying 'she didn't know what to do' - he was not even a close friend of hers....
some people just enjoy it I think, honestly.

[Wagglebee]

Yy. Grief wankers is what someone on here once called them.

[cleanmyhouse]

I have a cousin like this. An acquaintences husband died, she turned up while the ambulance was there and sat at the house all day soaking up the drama. When my brother died, her posts on facebook were all very attention seeking, but in a weird round about way.

Another woman i know puts herself at the centre of every drama and won't let anyone else get in touch with person having tough time saying she'll keep everyone posted. Person going through tough time then wonders where the fuck all their friends have gone.

[cleanmyhouse]

Grief wankers

Brilliant

[elliejjtiny]

DH's step nan does this. When DS4 was born with a lot of health issues she kept crying over him and saying she couldn't cope with the tragedy of his existence. I find the "fine" response doesn't work with her as she says "well, if it was me I wouldn't be fine, oh no, I would...." etc etc. Then there are all the other people who say they wouldn't do whatever I've just done if their child had the same issues as my DS. I'll do whatever I like thanks! (obviously as long as it's legal, not intentionally upsetting someone else etc)

[Oobis]

Sadly, each one of us is likely to be involved in some sort of traumatic drama at some point. I've no idea why you would insert yourself before it's your time other than being a complete narcissist.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Yanbu

[Lollypop27]

It seems that they enjoy the attention that goes with a drama.

a friend of mine had to have surgery abroad last year whilst on holiday. We found out when her friend put a status up on Facebook saying she was gravely ill and that the dh was struggling to cope with it and no one under any circumstances was able to contact them as it was too distressing for the husband. All contact was to go through her. I Facebook messaged friend to see if she needed anything sorting out this end and she messaged back straightaway saying she had broke her little finger and had been in hospital for a few hours and was fine. She said her dh and her were having a fab time and would be continuing their holiday and coming home as planned the next week.
Friend went mad about the status when she got home as there was a pile of get well soon cards through the letterbox. It had also worried her elderly parents quite a bit.

Emotional wankers is the right phrase!

[listsandbudgets]

I know someone like this - welll two someones actually.

one on twitter one on facebook.

Drives me mad. A girl went missing near where the twitter one lived (well same city at least) and you'd think it was their dd from teh way they went on. It was just horrible - things like "so upset thinking what's happened to her" or "so very worried" or "can't sleep for thinking of her" and best of all "so sad about her, burst into tears at work today". What? she didn't even know the girl in question (who I'm pleased to say turned up safely 3 days later provoking another outpouring of tweeted relief and gratefulness).

Sorry I sound like an uncharitable cow but honestly yes it drives me mad.

[MistressDeeCee]

YANBU. Its such a horrid, self-centred thing to do. Handbagging somebody else's distress and making it all "me me me"

I've a friend who does this, we used to laugh about it but nowadays as we are getting older, its not so funny. Anyone she knows even remotely who has passed away, she starts a FB thread handwringing about how shocked sad distressed she is "Im just sitting here shaking and crying". Cue looong thread "oh hun so sorry, thinking of you at this sad time, so sorry for your loss etc..." Its not HER loss, she's a grief bandit.

Last year a DJ we knew passed away...thread after thread about her shock and upset, until a couple of people actually said to me (away from screen) "sorry to hear about your friend's close friend passing away like that, must be horrible for her". But he isn't a good friend - she knew him very vaguely, just like I did. She doesnt know his family at all but there she was, full centre of attention.

Its morbid I know, but on day of funeral I looked at FB to see if she would do exactly what I thought she would do - at the funeral she used mobile phone to take photos in the church, records parts of the service, give a running commentary of what was happening too, and at the graveside - the thing that made me distance myself from her completely - 1st a pic of the empty plot, and then the coffin being lowered into the plot.

So essentially she was at the service as a sort of show-off roving reporter then.

Grief bandits are sickening. We're aged 51 by the way, you'd think she'd have some common sense and empathy by now but nope - not forthcoming.