To wonder if this is a good idea?

[Cuppacoffeeinthebigtime]

Dh got himself into a lot of debt before we had children. He got a mortgage on a small house before that but ran up credit cards ridiculously. Because of that, we are stuck in a house far too small for us. 2 children sharing a tiny bedroom. We never have any money despite us earning 45k between us. It's his fault but not ours and it's no way to live.

Dh has come home today and said he has spoken about getting an IVA and doing voluntary termination of the mortgage. He is saying 'screw this coffee, lets live a bit, get rid of this house because we have barely any equity anyway and go rent somewhere where we can actually enjoy our kids childhood'. I feel excited by the prospect but I do want to own our own home and have something to pass down to our kids. What would you do?

Cathy come home?! seriously bit extreme

No, I wouldnt. We rented privately for year and I hated it. Not because it wasn't my own home. One house we rented, we loved. Great catchment area, great for access for 2 cities. Walking distance into one of the cities, huge garden. We have been in 6 months when the LL came round and told us he was selling (we were is first tenant) as he was leaving the area, when our year was up. He offered another 6 months after this year but to us if it sold we would need to leave. We got messed about by him for the next 6 months. We left in the end, because we hates living not knowing what would happen next month. The house hasn't sold, but has had for sale signs up 6 times in the last 3 years....he still hasn't made his mind up.

It just wasn't stable enough for us. I would rather have a very small home, than rent tbh.

You need to inform yourself of what happens if you do this.

I do think you need to change your thinking though. That debt is your and his. You are married and have kids. You decided to stay with him and have kids knowing he had accumulated this debt. You need to be more active in the finances. You live in a small house and earn decent money. You should be able to solve this without an iva.

Oh and yes, we have been in shit loads of debt. It was dhs from before we got married. I accepted it, got into a bit of debt myself and we had a shit few years. But we have sorted it all out now.

Hold onto the house.

Register a marital interest (can't remember the exact term) with the Land Registry, if you have to.

I would do anything rather than rent in this climate. Have you read some of the stories on mumsnet about private renting? It sounds a complete nightmare.

Has he got a DMP in place?

I suggest visiting the moneysavingexpert.com forums to ask specific advice. The 'debt free wannabe' board has lots of people facing similar dilemmas.

I was with you until the "friends being given great council houses"
Really?
Council houses are as rare as hen's teeth.
I wonder why they were given council houses?
Perhaps get your dh to knock you about a bit until you are taken to hospital until police escort and then live in women's hostels for months.

That's how I got mine. And it isn't "great" it is damp, small and unfurnished. And I am grateful for it.

I would trust anyone with masses of debt when they say "let's live a bit" to be honest. Alarm bells would be ringing all over the place...

"and I'm sure I saw one of the mum's looking round snottily."

That says more about her than it does about you. Do not give up the security of owning your own home, no matter how small it is.

How has he had a mortgage from well before you have had kids, yet has no equity? How long ago did he buy it?

It's not really possible for us to comment on the best way forward without further information e.g. amount owed, how much he can afford to pay.

Have you thought about contacting Stepchange for advice? You could put the figures into their online calculator (it can stay anonymous) and see what they recommend.

What would the rental income be on your current property? If you can't buy a bigger property but can afford to rent one, I'd be tempted to rent out the house and rent elsewhere.

IVA will mean your credit rating will be shit, no decent private landlord will touch you and you won't just be given a council house.

As a couple, you owe a lot if money. (You had dcs with him knowing this, stop classing it as his debt). There is sadly no way to make that go away without some hardship for you.

Joining the chorus to say please, please, please do not give up your house.

We rent privately and are currently having to move. Even though our income and debt situation are better than yours, we're still having a very hard time getting a new place to rent.

People are queuing up for every decent family home available. It sounds like having a nice home matters to you, since you were concerned about the other mum looking down on your current house.

Most conscientious landlords and letting agents will run a credit check on you, and on paper your situation would look particularly grim if you do this because:

• You have large debts
• You'll have a new IVA
• Having been homeowners, you'd have no landlord to vouch for your ability to keep up with rental payments.

We have had to show every detail of our income including payslips and bank statements, not to mention going through credit checks. We also needed our current landlord to assure the new ones that we're good tenants.

Even if you were lucky enough to find a private landlord willing to take a chance on you, you would probably need a guarantor and maybe even several months' rent upfront.

And I haven't even talked about the insecurity of renting privately. You're likely to have to move fairly often. We need to move and uproot our children because the landlord is selling up. This happens a lot.

And each time you move,you go through the hassle, huge expense and scrutiny of your finances all over again.

In addition, have you looked up the cost of privately renting the kind of house you want? Is it any lower than your current mortgage payments?

My final point is: can you trust your husband to be financially responsible if you enter the very vulnerable position of being private tenants?

If you're already struggling financially, renting privately is the last thing you should do right now.

I don't know which part of the country you live in, and how easy it is to find accommodation, but I can't see any way in which giving up your home would be a good idea.

If you must, can't you get the IVA while keeping the house?

It will be really hard to rent from a private landlord with such bad credit, plus your only hope of getting a council house is if you squat in the house after selling, and let the bank send bailiffs in, who will then turn up with 24 hours notice and will put you out on the street.
Then you will have to lump all your belongings, plus kids down to the housing office and wait for hours while they try to find you temporary accommodation. Which will probably be a hostel.
If they cant find you a hostel they will offer to take your children into foster care while you and your husband sleep rough.
After that, you will be top of the council house list.
Doesn't sound wonderful does it?

It sounds as if he has his head in the sand, what with this "let's live a bit" attitude.

If he still has masses of debt, then he needs to sort that out and acknowledge that he was living beyond his means and pay back the debt. Not just try to write it all off and then start spending money he doesn't have "living a bit".

If he bought the house before he knew you, then he was able to afford the mortgage repayments on his salary. Now you have two salaries, what efforts has he made to address his debt?

He needs to grow up, work out how to repay his debts and then you can start to plan a future for your family that you can afford.

This would be a huge red flag for me - airy-fairy plans that could leave your family hugely worse off when he inevitably runs up more debts and you are chucked out of rented accommodation because you cant pay the rent. And the sheer irresonsibility of thinking he can just "write" off his debts so he can have a fun time with his children

Let's face it, he is the last person who should be giving you financial advice!

Do you really think the council will give you a house as soon as you let your house go? Really? Why not go and ask them?

Re housing, just because you own your own home, it doesn't automatically exclude you from social housing. We are a family of 6 living in a 2 bed house and are on our social housing list. We cannot afford to move without this help due to severe negative equity. But because there are 6 of us, 4 dc in a 2 bed we are classed as overcrowded.

Chances are you are excluded from social housing because your dc are the same gender and therefore can reasonably be expected to share a room.

How about converting your mortgage to a buy to let, rent out your little house and rent somewhere bigger for yourselves? If the tenants cover the mortgage, you will be no worse off day to day than if you had sold, plus you will still have the property, which will gain equity in time, plus you will be gradually paying off the mortgage.

Well op I think your partner is right. You both seem to be stressed out wanting to have your house and struggling. You never know in the future you again might obtain another house.
I had a Debt relief order 3years ago and it's the best thing I have done, I know the stresses of debt.
You could also look into part buy part rent and your kids will still get something if you pass with life insurance

Could you extend into your roofspace?

How much debt does he actually have? Do you and your husband have any joint finances?

Another vote here for heading over to the money saving expert "debt free wannabe" board......

A DMP or IVA isn't always an easy option....... Although your DH seems like he thinks it is?

Do you have a someone who will guarantee your rent if you sell up and rent? No one will rent to you if you're in a DMP or IVA.