He bought me bananas

[TightWadBastard]

It's my birthday. I would have liked something nice. I went to the cinema with a friend on Saturday and we went to see the Minions film because nothing else grabbed us. DH came home today with my present. "Oh, you like the Minions, so I bought you bananas." He didn't even gift wrap them.

FFS.

I peeled them and put them in his work shoes. He got angry when he put them on (without looking, obvs) so I said that if he bought me bananas then I must be a minion. And I'm definitely a purple minion who does evil bastard things like that and perhaps that if he bought me a nice dress and diamonds I might behave more like Cinderella and start being nice to him again.

Gazes at TightWad in awe and wonder.

Slowly sinks to knees

Bows head in supplication.

Gets up, leaves, quietly shuts door behind her.

Contacts MNHQ to request that post is put into classics.

OMG I missed that, you put them in his shoes, and he trod in them?

HAH!

Do NOT waste money on an anal probe for his gift , freeze the banana instead & re gift

Happy birthday op

Did he at least draw a minion onto the banana?
That's pretty poor.
I'm glad he's got banana feet now!

A perfect expression of Karma, OP! from me.

Tightwad you are seriously my new hero! Bloody love that you put them in his shoes For my last birthday, I got a workout book, for men, to build up the perfect male physique (surely the fact I'm not a man was a clue to how shit this was as a gift?) He's now my stbxdh

Minions and bananas are a thing. It's less random than it seems.

Still. Desperation in the corner shop I think.

And another stone in your towering pedestal from me, OP. "Could do better" was never more fluently expressed by anyone than by you.

Sounds like the kind of gift my DH would give me. He seems to alternate between lovely items of jewellery and crappy token gifts!

An ex boyfriend of mine bought me dried pineapple chunks for Christmas. I don't know if it's better or worse that he wrapped them. He's an ex for several reasons, all round selfishness being one of them.

Come the apocalypse I'll happily use him as zombie bate.

I think some people are just rubbish - the thought is there, but lost somewhere in the execution. My first Christmas after becoming a mother, I was hoping for something a little special. I did, after all, have sparkly things on my wishlist.
My husband disappeared out on Christmas morning to pick up my present, only to return half an hour later with the trailer carrying a homemade rotating compost bin! It had been lovingly handcrafted from steel and an old oil drum previously used for scrap. He's an engineer, so anything he makes is usually sturdy, functional but not necessarily pretty. He apologised for not having had the time to paint it, and as I caught sight of the side of the drum, I noticed the A frame had gone through the 'S', just leaving the word 'CRAP'. I asked what on earth made him think I wanted one of these, and he said it because I composted our garden waste (and usually gave it away as I'm not a gardener). Years later I can laugh about it and appreciate the work he put in, but devastation was an understatement at the time.
Also recipient of (1st Christmas together) special edition Kenwood mixer, teeth whitening appointment, industrial grater (to go with food mixer that was so special, nothing was compatible with it and many many more)
After 10 years together, he's learned not to go 'off Amazon wishlist'...EVER!

See I quite fancy a homemade rotating compost bin. I don't go much on flowers, chocolates or jewellery. Homemade and practical is good. Wouldn't want the Kenwood mixer or teeth whitening though. I'm practical but I like things that have a geek factor, and those don't do it for me.

I got flowers for my birthday many moons ago . . Only it was 3 bags of different types of flour. Puns don't make good gifts ever !

Oh I love your reaction to his crap present!

His excuse about his presents is rubbish. He clearly cannot be bothered to make an effort

Absolutely love the banana shoes, three very rousing cheers for you Tightwad!
My hb gave me a bunch of carnations from the local supermarket 2 days before my 40th, with the immortal words "I got you these because otherwise I thought you'd moan."
This year (as usual) he gave me nothing, not even a card. He does the same every year even though I explain how much it hurts and upsets me and cry copiously. Every year he says it's because I told him not to get me anything (never have said this, not ever).
Next year I'm going to take a lover and have a weekend away in Paris do something just for me

Oh bless, coxiegirl that sounds awful.

Thank you for your love, Mumsnetters. It's made me feel a lot better. Actually, someone upthread gave me the idea about the shoes, so I can't take all the credit.

He's flounced off, saying that his gesture was a mistake but my gesture (ie the shoes) was me being deliberately mean so now it's all MY FAULT. I think he is expecting me to apologise to him.

Let's all have wine. Cheers

Wow. I have previously 'won' any discussion of this kind as DH bought me bathroom scales one Christmas. However I concede defeat. [Flowers]

I had an immersion heater timer from a dbf once. Turned out it was actually thoughtful as it meant I didn't have to get out of bed v early to switch the heater on. (this was before we moved in together)

i once got a cauliflower wrapped in newspaper He thought that as it had flower in it that's enough. And once i have enjoyed looking at it i could cook it
i buy him wonderful presents and always end up having to exchange the colour the size
Better to give up on people like that

should add my flat had no central heating and water left in the sink in the winter would freeze

Amazon wishlists are your friend. Seriously. He will then have a load of things to choose from that you actually want, and if he still doesn't bother getting something, it's no longer just being tight or unimaginative, it's lazy and shitty.

So he's managed to turn getting you a shitty present into being your fault. What a twat.

I feel your pain I got a pencil sharpener one Xmas. I quote 'it has a five star rating on Amazon'! Needless to say we are now getting divorced.... Presents do not need to be expensive of course just thoughtful!! Xx

A piece of paper called Lisas birthday suggestions..... gets put up in advance . I tell him its in case any aunties ask him for ideas.

Oh op I have just burst out laughing at your banana shoe incident - utterly inspired

I've mentioned this before on mn, but my ex got me tampax for Christmas one year, saying "I know you use them" he worked for proctor and gamble at the time so I know he didn't even have to pay more than 10p for them from the staff shop (that also stocked make up and perfume in it!!)

To make matters worse, I didn't actually use them either as I was on the mini pill so hadn't had periods in years. I'm so glad he's an ex now!