Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To be pissed off that SIL thinks it's ok to keep inflicting her ill kids on us?

23 replies

Perkyblue · 05/07/2015 23:47

I am so cross with SIL. Her kids always seem to have something or other wrong with them but instead of keeping them home to stop germs spreading around she takes them out, often to our house, and then we all end up ill too.

My hayfever was quite bad last month and always goes by the end of June. I've had about 2 weeks of being blocked nose/cough free, only for SIL to bring her son round on Friday when he was clearly unwell with a cough, cold and temperature. As a result I've spent the whole day today full of cold and feeling shivvery, headachey and ill! I sent a text to SIL to say I had her son's bug now and she just text back 'oh no'. I'm so pissed off.

A few months ago we all caught a stomach bug after she'd bought one of her sons round here and when she found out we'd all been ill she said her son had been sick in the morning BEFORE she brought him to ours, and was very blase about it all. I had to have a whole week off work I was so ill! We've caught other stomach bugs from them too!

SIL is in general very selfish and never considers anyone else but I am in a foul mood about it all tonight. I can't stop coughing, I feel like shit, no doubt the kids will get it too which will mean I have to take more time off work.

OP posts:

Hygge · 05/07/2015 23:50

You're going to have to be blunt and tell her not to bring them when they are ill as it's putting your health and your job at risk.

Is she your DH's sister? Can you get him to have a word?

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 05/07/2015 23:51

Well, if your kids get it, you just need to bring them to visit SIL and reinfect her family...

DonkeyOaty · 05/07/2015 23:54

Next time she rocks up with a poorly kiddo send her away. "Best not pass germs on to us, take care" and swish them out the door. What's your husband's take on this? Presume you alternately take time off work, tag-team style, the impact of ill children shouldn't fall in your court all the time.

BlinkAndMiss · 05/07/2015 23:55

YANBU, it really annoys me when people do this. It's selfish behaviour, I always say something now after work spoke to me 'unofficially' about the time I kept taking off due to illness/children's illnesses.

Original poster

Perkyblue · 05/07/2015 23:55

DH thinks it's wrong but doesn't dare upset her as everything always revolves around what she wants in their family.

I always end up taking time off for ill kids.

OP posts:

DonkeyOaty · 05/07/2015 23:57

Well that's not bloody right or fair. Why is it always you?

If DH don't want to rock the boat then you'll have to put on yer big girl pants and be firm with SIL

Fatmomma99 · 06/07/2015 00:02

Take yours to hers next time! See how she deals and copy it. Good luck!

ASettlerOfCatan · 06/07/2015 00:14

I refuse sick visitors because I'm a heartless bitch. We get sick far less than most....

SugarOnTop · 06/07/2015 00:24

well tell her she's out of order and it stops now. why have you never dealt with this before? you don't HAVE to put up with this....unless you secretly enjoy being ill and all the drama

nemo81 · 06/07/2015 05:31

This really annoys me too. My partners father does this all the time and tbh i'm now at the point where i dread him coming round.

He was sitting here a few weeks ago for ages before informing us he had been on the toilet ill all night. Yeah cheers for that. My partner and i have had huge rows about it because he sees nothing wrong with his father coming round ill, soon complains when we have ill kids up all night though!

Teabagbeforemilk · 06/07/2015 06:46

Well then tell dh that next time he has to take time off.

It's his sister and if he doesn't think anything should be said, he can deal with the consequences

plutonimum · 06/07/2015 07:16

Well, now's the time to have a go (over the phone, because it would be a shame to have to see her if you can't infect her ).

no thanks for infecting you
It happens too often, and you're sick of the thoughtlessness
If it happens again, you're kicking them out.
Tell DH if it happens again, he takes the time off work. (Don't bother telling this to SIL: the thing she clearly needs to learn to consider is the children. Complaining about the impact on grownups is just going to go over her head and distract her).

If you are angry enough, maybe she'll refuse to come and see you again! The ILs really can't defend her, because your DC, who keep getting ill, are their GC as well!

TheForger · 06/07/2015 07:59

I have the same response as Teabag - especially after she came round with her 6 mo and then asked me if I thought the rash and temperature could be chicken pox. The kids had been playing for around 2/3 hours by then.

TheForger · 06/07/2015 08:01

Plutonium agree with the sentiment but she will be blamed for 'overreacting'

dobbythedoggy · 06/07/2015 08:29

Childless bil went through a phase of doing this. He'd come over to visit us because he couldn't go to work, as he'd been violently ill in the early hours of the morning. He'd be sent home from work in a bakery with sickness and call in on us. Streaming with cold, coughing etc, he saw no reason not to visit us unanounced.

Now his a lovely bloke. We don't mind him dropping in on the spur of the moment when his well. But when his unwell we do want a text so we can decide if we want to risk exposure or not.

Dh was very unimpressed with the idea of asking him to leave to begin with and refused to let me swish him out the door like I wanted to. He was ill and we shouldn't be so rude to him! So I used to just pick up dd and leave, luckily my mum and dad live just accross the room. I'd only come back when dh had asked bil to leave and cleaned up properly.

Eventually I had a proper talk to bil about, just asking for a text or call if he wanted to come over when he was feeling under the weather. He was fine with it and told me he didn't think he should be coming over but mil was encouraging him so I could look after him. Ils apparently find it acceptable to shair illness around the family; might be why someone is always ill.

I'd be pissed off too in your situation.

sanfairyanne · 06/07/2015 09:23

when you have kids, they and then you are constantly exposed to endless bugs at nursery/school so it seems almost pointless trying to avoid them. sick bugs are not a nice thing to expose other people to but if he was only sick once, she might just have thought it was a one off?
it isnt great that she comes round when they are ill but it sounds like you are getting these bugs far worse than her family are?

plutonimum · 06/07/2015 13:13

TheForger, I see your point, but wonder if the SIL started getting her way by overreacting. There's a political theory going round that one of the reasons other countries don't want to tangle with the US officially, anyway is because of a history of disproportionate and slightly crazy responses.

There's a moral in there, somewhere...

Original poster

Perkyblue · 06/07/2015 13:42

I see what you are saying, sanfairy, but if one of my children had been sick then no way would I have taken them to someone else's house, or at the very very least I would have told the other person that my child had been sick and was it ok to go round or would they prefer it if we didn't come. Even if I thought it was just a one-off.

I would perhaps be a bit less cross about it all if it wasn't for the fact that SIL is so selfish in every single way. This is just another example of her selfishness, and one that has a big effect on us all, not just for the actual time of her visit.

OP posts:

Lateswim16 · 06/07/2015 13:49

My dad has form for this. Gets huffy if we find out he has a streaming cold and so tell him not go visit and visa versa. Drives me mad but the only way to deal with this is to be blunt op.

Don't get this leaving your dh up deal with it as it's his sister? She's your sil so family. Just tell her straight you can't be taking fine off work so won't be letting then through the door if they are ill.

It's spectaculaly selfish behaviour.

TheForger · 06/07/2015 17:18

Plutonium my SIL has form for that too. Last time I stood up to her she walked off and didn't speak to me when we all left, just turned her cheek so that I could give her a good bye kiss. Fortunately I have now decided that her not speaking to me is a bonus so I'm not too worried about an over the top stroppy response.

MuddlingMackem · 06/07/2015 18:03

YANBU.

Does your SIL work? If not you can start dropping your ill kids off to her on your way to work with a breezy 'the kids caught what you all had when you came to visit and can't go to school / nursery so you'll have to look after them.'

Do that once or twice and I bet she'll curtail visits when any of them are poorly. Bit unfair on your kids, but short-term pain for long-term gain and all that.

Isetan · 06/07/2015 18:18

Your SIL sounds like a PITA but your H isn't much better. I'd be making it very clear to him that if there is a next time, he will be the one taking time off, why the hell should you and your children pay the price for his "anything for an easy life" cowardice.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/07/2015 18:26

I have a nasty cold at the moment, and I have had to miss two weeks of my knitting group - the weekly activity I look forward to the most - but my enjoyment of the group comes a poor second to my responsibility Not to spread my virus around. We have members who are elderly and/or in poor health, for whom a nasty cold could turn into something much worse - so I don't go.

If there are people in your life who don't understand this, you need to spell it out, in short words if necessary.

Flip