To think new neighbours should not try to usurp my window cleaner of 16 years

[DameDoom]

We have new neighbours who are quite frankly twats. The woman sent round her window cleaner to do a more 'professional' job on our windows at her own expense. How kind. They have special rigging equipment and power hoses that reach everywhere and there is no doubt my windows are gleaming.
But here's the rub ... we are not mingers and get our windows done every two weeks by Dave. Come rain or shine, Dave is round with his knackered ladder and chamois. Dave has seen my boobs ( well he is a window cleaner) and still brings us a dozen eggs from his own chickens, despite being traumatised by my saggy tatters. Dave also strokes our cats kindly and chats about his grandchildren. Dave is probably 70 odd and shouldn't be up a ladder but won't retire. Dave's chamois has seen better days... haven't we all?
So, How the hell do I explain to Dave that my windows are so bloody gleaming? How can a pensioner in a beanie hat compete with a profesh company? I will be keeping Dave of course but I'm worried he'll notice the windows.
For the record, Dave does an excellent job considering his equipment.

[TRexingInAsda]

Don't worry, he won't notice the windows, I think telling him will only upset him or make him worry about his job, no matter how you explain it. Saying nothing is better. Your neighbours were very odd kind, but you'll have t say thanks but we're happy with our current arrangements, please don't have our windows cleaned again!

[Hygge]

You're going to have trouble with that neighbour.

She's going to be looking at your house and thinking that you need to do a bit more with the front garden, to improve her 'kerb appeal' for her house.

And your car could probably do with a clean. And your fence might need fixing, and possibly repainting in a different colour. And while you're doing the fence, you might as well do the window frames and your front door.

And whatever you've got up at your windows, she can see that now the glass is cleaned to her standard. And she won't like your mismatched curtains or your wonky window blind. You might want to replace all those, with something that compliments her windows.

And now the front of your house is sorted, can you do something about the trampoline in your back garden. And that tree you love which hangs over her fence, she's going to arrange for someone to come round while you're out so they can chop it down prune it slightly. And your cats are crapping on her lawn, and your kids are too noisy, and you need to cut the grass.

So if you could just sort all that out please.

Or, you might be really lucky, you'll tell her about Dave and she will want eggs and cat kindness as well, and she'll sack the professional lot and join you in Dave Appreciation.

[Bakeoffcake]

You don't send someone round to clean your neighbours windows!

A) they are insinuating your windows are minging.
B) they are trespassing.
C) they are loons.

Tell them to back right off as Dave is irreplaceable.

[No1warnedme]

I love Dave! What a treasure. I would sit him down with a cuppa and a biscuit and tell him that your knobby neighbours are arses.
Don't forget to tell him how in demand he is by us lot

[morethanpotatoprints]

Those neighbours are going to be trouble.
This is the start of it, you need to tell them their behaviour was unacceptable and whatever made them think your windows are any concern of theirs.

[OttiliaVonBCup]

How can anyone just send a window cleaner round someone else's house unasked?

Twattery of the highest order.

OP, if they decide to sell they will be improving your kerb appeal to no end.

[coughingbeanintheoven]

I want a Dave!

[MakeItRain]

Apart from anything else I would be worried about cost of a cleaner with special harnesses and power hoses. Just tell her your windows look amazing but you're really happy with your own cleaner who's like family to you. Normally I'd then advise you to say you'll get back to her when he retired but you'd probably be better off keeping quiet for financial reasons. I bet you pay lots for that ott shine!

[Fatmomma99]

I've fallen for Dave.

I also want to see your saggy tatters

And I wish my neighbours would come and sort my back garden out at their expense - it's shocking.

[DameDoom]

I am so glad that you all appreciate the wonderful Dave. I must re-emphasise that he is a good window cleaner- he just hasn't got lots of modern day window shizz... or any for that matter, but he's always kind and smiley.

[DameDoom]

I have spoken to my neighbour regarding Dave while she was titivating her topiary box this aft. I thanked her for her kindness and explained about Dave, his one ladder and chamois, dodgy hip and knee, kindly ways and eggs. She seemed really sympathetic until she accused me of nigh on elder abuse... making Dave go up a ladder at his time of life. Eeh, I don't. Dave insists. I don't want to make him feel like a clapped out coffin dodger. The man has a motorbike and leather pants FFS. He comes in a Volvo to do windows though.

[TRexingInAsda]

Leather pants. hope that's an Americanism and he actually has leather trousers Nah, fuck it, why can't he have leather pants I suppose!

[DameDoom]

Eeh TRex you have made me laugh. Everyone in my Geordie village wore pants; never trousers. If they knew they were borderline yanks they'd be thrilled with the cosmopolitanous of it all.

[DancingHat]

loving this thread.

[Jen1610]

I wish I had a Dave in leather pants. My windows cleaners are useless!

[CarmelasFridge]

My neighbours are also twats, and also cleaned my windows. Well, by accident. I think their Not Dave's Chamois Inc. got the houses mixed up and did mine instead. A result, as I have no Dave.

[TRexingInAsda]

Oooh, thanks, I'll make a note of that - could've made a right tit of myself in Newcastle! Would make a nice change from making a tit of myself elsewhere.