Today I took my DS out for the day, I wanted him to have fun. He is 14 and in a wheelchair, has cerebral palsy and severe learning difficulties.
I walked across town to do an errand then took him to the restaurant of his choice. He asked for a 'train map' so I took him to the railway station to pick one up. Then I took him for lunch at a restaurant of his choice (DH wasn't feeling well & didn't come with us).
At the end of the meal DS managed to lose his train map. I don't know how, the waitress may have taken it away with the food leftovers or DS may have dropped it somewhere.
DS had a meltdown because he didn't have his map….swore at me a lot. Apparently and unbeknownst to me I am a 'stupid f--ing bitch'. This is after I have bent over backwards to give him a nice day.
I had to go to the bank afterwards which was open, to pay credit card bill. DS picked up piles of leaflets and threw them on the floor, also knocked over the displays and swore at the staff. There was an elderly woman customer there who was shocked, stared tightlipped at me.
I left bank and told DS I was disgusted at his behaviour and while he behaved in that way he would get nothing. DS lashed out at passers by calling them 'f--ing idiots' including small children. I had to dodge passers by whilst walking him home as I was scared of what he might say.
I managed to get him home and told DH what he had done. I told DH I didn't want to be with DS after the way he had behaved, and left DH to talk to him….DH told me to leave as he knew I had had enough. I came back shortly after and DH made DS apologise to me.
Later DH said that I should have talked to DS and tried to understand how he was feeling. I told DH that I understood the point he was trying to make, but I felt that DS should know how much he had upset me.
I now feel extremely guilty for reacting the way I did. DH is a teenager, he is growing up and it is not unusual for teenagers to lash out I believe? And he is stuck there in that wheelchair, is it any wonder he gets angry and lashes out the way he does?
Anyway I don't know why I am posting here. I am having a rant because I am sick of things being so hard. DS behaviour is bad, but it is so so understandable…but I need to find a way to get him to control it. I just can't have him swearing at passers by the way he does when he has a meltdown.
I also feel that I am not really a person. When I try to broach the subject of how hard it is to deal with DS and how potentially socially isolating it is, I can see people's eyes glaze over; they really don't want anything to do with any of this. I feel isolated from my own family because of this, nobody knows what to say to me. I don't blame anyone if eyebrows are raised at this, I am used to not fitting in anywhere.