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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not be able to get over something so trivial

15 replies

Passpartout30 · 04/07/2015 22:33

I kissed a colleague at Christmas party (was reciprocated). I can't get over it. I have convinced myself I have feelings for them, they're not interested and I have damaged my standing at work (only with them, no-one else knows). I need to leave. I am sinking further and further into depression and irrationality, I don't want to feel so unhappy anymore.

OP posts:

Bakeoffcake · 04/07/2015 22:42

Were either of you with a partner at the time?

FranBrodie · 04/07/2015 22:44

It's July! It's nowhere near the worst thing to have happened at a Xmas party and I expect everyone else has completely forgotten about it. If you still have feelings for them, then try to figure out where you're going from now, but honestly, Xmas parties don't count!

ajandjjmum · 04/07/2015 22:45

As I see it, you have two choices. You either put it in a box - it was Christmas after all! - leave it to one side, and get on with your career. Or you look for work elsewhere.

It really shouldn't be as all consuming as it seems to be for you - hope you can work through this.

Hassled · 04/07/2015 22:47

Well it's not trivial if you're still thinking about it in July.

But you do need some perspective - you had a crush (we've all been there), you were a bit of a fool at a party (we've all been there) and now you're embarrassed (we've all been there). I doubt the depression is really to do with the kiss - I think you might just be depressed and the kiss is the thing you're focussing on. Please go and see your GP and ask for some help. There is help out there.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 04/07/2015 22:49

Don't worry, I told everyone I have a massive vagina at the Christmas party.

Starbrite00 · 04/07/2015 22:51

I feel for you. You sound like you know logically you don't have real feelings for him.
Are you lonely? I have felt like this before and it was hard, I knew it wasn't logically but at the time ot was all I could think about.
In reality I was very unhappy and the feelings o thought I had was an escape.
I would suggest you visit your gp and have a chat about how low your feeling x

ComfySensibleShoes · 04/07/2015 22:52

What? Christmas was ages ago! Has more happened since then? Did you kiss again?

Original poster

Passpartout30 · 04/07/2015 23:00

I think a chat with a gp is overdue. I know it was just a silly Christmas kiss. He's much, much older and married and I am married. I told my husband straight away and he was very understanding actually. I am lonely. I love my husband but something is not right. I am still obsessing over this. I feel like I want something more from this man but it's probably just a feeling of being wanted. I wish I could shake it off. I'm a little frightened that I can't do that and just bounce back actually

OP posts:

Original poster

Passpartout30 · 04/07/2015 23:01

Thank you all for your insight so far. I really appreciate it.

OP posts:

FarFromAnyRoad · 04/07/2015 23:04

What was the context armani?

QueenofallIsee · 05/07/2015 20:47

I don't wish to derail the very important, supportive thread for the OP so I have to INSIST that a thread is started re massive vagina

SorchaN · 06/07/2015 00:08

It's awful to have feelings for someone who isn't interested. But there are other people in the world who you could have feelings for, and many of those people will have feelings for you too. You need to find one of them. As soon as you meet someone else you're interested in, who is also interested in you, it will be easy to forget about your colleague. (Or to put it another way, the best way to get over a man is to get under a man... It works for getting over women too...)

GriefLeavesItsMark · 06/07/2015 00:29

Armarni - did you offer to show them?

Teabagbeforemilk · 06/07/2015 06:28

You say you convinced yourself you have feelings for him.

Have you done that to try and ease your guilt? I have seen that before people convince themselves the the party their indiscretion was with is the love of their life, to justify going behind their dh/dw backs?

TheQueenOfSheba · 06/07/2015 06:39

Ha ha! I did this. At last year's Christmas party. I shared a taxi with the office heartthrob 22 years my junior and he just kissed me, out of the blue, in the taxi. God know why, he must have been really drunk.

I was mortified when I got home and suicidal by the time I got up in the morning. I had to learn to laugh it off. When I confided in a colleague, she told me that there were a couple of other, er, indiscretions that night. So I wasn't the only one.

These things happen. Don't worry about it too much. Just don't drink so much in future (not to self).

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