To Want a Quickie Sometimes?

[TiredandSweaty]

I've NC for this (I think it's fairly obvious why).

Before it's suggested, this is not a stealth brag because I am genuinely unhappy about it.

Basically, DH takes too long to cum when we have sex. Every time we have sex at the moment it takes at least half an hour and often longer. After I had DS1 he seemed to struggle to finish and I got really paranoid it was because I was 'loose' after having given birth but after a few weeks of doing lots of pelvic floor exercises the problem seemed to go away and I forgot about it.

Then, after having DS2 it started again and again I got quite upset thinking it was because of me. But again I did PF exercises and this time it didn't really seem to help. I wondered whether it was actually because we weren't having sex very often (I was very tired due to DCs not sleeping well and our current living arrangement is a bit awkward for having sex) so DH was masturbating more and was used to a...tighter grip. I suggested this to him (and assured him it wasn't a problem - I have no issue with him masturbating/watching porn etc.). He said it was actually because he's circumcised and has a bit of loss of sensitivity and has problems reaching orgasm when he's alone.

The thing is, it stops me wanting to have sex with him. It's so hot at the moment and these long sessions of sex leave us both so disgustingly sweaty that we're both completely drenched and so is the bed (and no, there's no option of having sex anywhere else at the moment). Plus, the DCs have been getting up at 4.30am recently so when I go to bed I want to go to sleep pretty quickly (I get up with the kids through the week when DH is working and at the weekend we each have a lie-in one day).

It also makes me feel unattractive. I tell myself he can't help it and it's nothing to do with me but I after two kids my body has changed and I don't feel as confident as I used to and when I can't even make my husband cum it knocks my confidence further!

I don't know what I'm looking for here because I know it's not his fault and there's not much we can do but AIBU to just want to have a quick 10 minutes of passion and then go to sleep every now and then?

Radical, I agree everyone's different but I know in my case it's not just slower (I can't speak for the OP). My DH usually loses his erection and I guess I don't like to talk to him about it because I don't want to make him self conscious and possibly exacerbate the problem.

Perhaps I need to take the bull by the horns so to speak.

I would just have it less if you are not enjoying it or make him do without orgasm and let him finish himself off!

It's not that I don't enjoy it. Maybe I'm being very unfair to DH because he does make sure I always have at least a couple of orgasms and obviously that takes time. It's not like the whole time is spent him just mechanically thrusting whilst I think about what I'm going to make the boys for dinner the following day or anything! The sex itself is generally very good and DH is a 'generous lover' (that phrase makes me cringe but you know what I mean) and I don't only want to have 10 minute sessions. It's just that with being so tired all the time and with it being so hot at the moment, I don't want every single time we have sex to last a minimum of half an hour. It's horribly sweaty, tiring. Also, as Happy said, sometimes he loses his erection.

Maybe I'm ungrateful. I'd just like it if once a week or so we could have a quickie and and be done before the entire bed is drenched with sweat and I could get a good night's sleep before having to get up and deal with a super clingy toddler and three year old with ASD (obviously I love them but they're hard work).

Also, the best way to speed him up seems to be talking dirty but I'm shit at it! I'm always worried I'll either sound too twee or too vulgar...or just funny. I'm crap at thinking of things to say so fall back on the same two or three phrases but I'm sure that must be boring.

Have you asked him what kind of dirty talk he likes? Some people like to discuss elaborate fantasies during sex; others just like to say / hear four-letter words for body parts. Whichever he likes, if it speeds him up maybe it's worth practising more often .

And sometimes the quickest sex is wanking together - would that work for you?

Also, prostate stimulation speeds most men up. If neither of you is keen on using a finger, maybe a slim vibrator would work?

Hope you find something that helps.

I think you may be married to my husband...
30 minutes easy, by which point I'm knackered, sweaty and just dying to go to sleep. Sometimes he surprises us both and cums in about 10-15 minutes, but ordinarily it's 30 minutes, and like your H, occasionally loses his erection, presumably through exhaustion.
He responds well to 'dirty talk' and a hand job at the end, during which i hide my face with embarrassment haha, because like you OP I'm cringing inside or wanting to giggle. (PS my trick is to tell a story about 'a dream' I've had, I can get quite inventive, perhaps I should be writing porn for a living...)
He says he gets stuck in his head, thinking he needs to finish, worrying he might not be able to, is it going on too long etc... Which makes it worse, like it's too much pressure.
He doesn't have a high sex drive anyway, and because every session can be like this, he puts off sex if he's tired after work/the gym etc, when if we could have a quickie of 5 minutes every now and again I know we'd do it more often.