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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL and hospital transport

46 replies

Sometimesitsnowsinapril · 03/07/2015 16:20

I need to get this out before I have a complete wobble!

FIL had a big operation at the beginning of the year. Basically from start to finish the whole communication thing between MIL and the hospital has been appaulling - appointments made but not needed then a phone call to say can you be at the hospital within three hours (hospital is 25 miles away and FIL cannot drive due to the operation). The ward staff were fantastic, could not do enough for him and his visitors.

So, FIL used the hospital transport once - he will now not use it because he said it took too long to get there and back (I think he thought it was for him only and not for other passengers en route) and it was too rough a ride for him. He is now insisting that DP take him on all future appointments. Normally, this would not be a problem BUT DP has no more holiday and is taking all leave unpaid (we cannot afford this but it is his parents so believe we need to just suck up the financial loss). FIL now has an appointment next week and has asked DP to take him. It is on a day that DP picks the DCs up from school. We have asked that he takes the hospital transport on this occasion as there is no one else to pick the DCs up from school and have them for two hours until I get home. He refuses and asks again. So they come up with the idea that he takes the DCs out of school at lunchtime and takes them to the hospital as well and then they can go for a meal afterwards.

I am not happy at all with this idea at all.

So basically am I being unreasonable to assume they are being a tad selfish that they are happy for DP to loose a days pay and the children be taken out of school for the afternoon just so they don't have to use the transport? Or am I missing the point? Will be back a bit later on.

OP posts:
NiceBitOfCheese · 03/07/2015 19:47

This may not help in the immediate situation, but if either of your PILs are eligible for Attendance Allowance, which is not means tested, then this provides £55 pw week into a bank account and it can be used for anything to make their lives easier, such as taking taxis, and even getting an agency to provide carers to accompany them to hospital in a taxi. DH recently put this in place for his own parents. If they are both eligible then they get £55 each.

DH is freelance: no work = no pay, and this arrangement has been a godsend for us.

CPtart · 03/07/2015 19:49

Can they afford taxis?
Just like my PIL who have plenty of money yet expect family to run them about to hospital appointments. This attitude of some of this generation pisses me off no end.
YADNBU.

FryOneFatManic · 03/07/2015 20:02

I agree that they should be looking at the volunteer driver service.

The volunteers operate in many areas, and were fantastic for my mum and dad. They use their own cars a I think get refunded their fuel costs.

No way would I be losing pay to take either mine or DP's parents to hospital if alternatives were available.

blink1552 · 03/07/2015 20:23

If they can run to a meal out, can't they pay for a taxi?

I would be inclined to say that DH cannot take a day off. Not won't, but can't. Research cost of a taxi (check for OAP discount), consider offering a contribution to the taxi fare. Taxis do seem extravagant if you are not used to them, it's a bit of a paradigm shift but I think this is a good time to start.

The Attendence Alowance sounds fantastic if that's an option for next time though.

TRexingInAsda · 03/07/2015 21:47

Just say NO. No, you aren't doing it. You don't have to offer them an acceptable alternative, let them figure something out, just say no you can't do it.

Original poster
Sometimesitsnowsinapril · 03/07/2015 22:09

Sorry to come back so late but DP and myself have had an almighty ding dong over this. I will not allow the dcs to be taken out of school and I am apparently making a fuss according to pil!

They have agreed to give DP his lost wages for next week and then I have said he needs to use the voluntary service (which pil said was non existent but after reading some comments here I phoned the PALS service at the hospital and there is one although limited transport which he will fit in). I expressed my concern over dps work record eg taking time off at short notice etc but that didn't seem to concern them.

I've had enough of their selfish ways, this is the tip of the iceberg with them and we have bent over backwards to help them out.

Thank you for all the comments I just needed to make sure I was not bring unreasonable but can appreciate hospital transport is not a1 luxury way to travel

OP posts:
FixItUpChappie · 03/07/2015 22:24

YANBU at all...best to set up some boundaries now - I'm sure there will be lost of appointments to come.

FryOneFatManic · 03/07/2015 22:24

I expressed my concern over dps work record eg taking time off at short notice etc but that didn't seem to concern them.

I thought they sounded like users before. I'm sure they are, now.

FixItUpChappie · 03/07/2015 22:24

Greer...lots, not lost obviously

FixItUpChappie · 03/07/2015 22:26

What is going on with my autocorrect Blush

FaffingtonBear · 03/07/2015 22:42

Good for you for standing your ground. I would be batshit about this, but I know my DH would refuse as well (regarding taking dc out of school as well) so I wouldn't have that battle.

Your FIL sounds incredibly selfish, I hope your DP doesn't bow to the pressure of his parents and take the dc out of school Hmm

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 03/07/2015 22:53

I can't imagine dh's or my parents ever having had the temerity to assume this. They are very cheeky.

Fluffyears · 03/07/2015 22:53

Sounds like my PIL. They bothe had hospital appointments whilst DP was on holiday and expected him to take them,then later in week take his dad to his office to hand in sick line... Fil is sadly deceased but MIL still sees DP as a free taxi and is Manipulative about it but he ends up taking her to all sorts of places she asks to go that are miles away not thinking about the fuel it costs. She said recently 'you'll take me to x city won't you' I had to point out that it would cost a bomb in fuel and parking. She has a free bus pass and can get to the city free of charge but she wants to be like a queen driven door to door.

notquitehuman · 03/07/2015 23:12

They're going to give you a week's lost wages but can't take a taxi? Cheeky gits. My MIL is always insisting on lifts from my DH because she never learned to drive. She has no idea of the cost of petrol, parking etc and it drives me up the wall!

LindyHemming · 04/07/2015 07:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hettie · 04/07/2015 08:06

Why won't they take a taxi? Has your dh always had this kind of relationship (where he must do everything for them). They sound very controlling.... Maybe show him this thread?

Tooooooohot · 04/07/2015 08:09

What are they going to be like in years to come??!! Run for the hills!!!!!

Whipnaenae · 04/07/2015 08:13

Either a taxi or could your kids go to a friends after school?

Baddz · 04/07/2015 08:13

I am a volunteer hospital driver for my local volunteer centre.
I live in a small village.
Do check your local volunteer centre as most run schemes like this.
We provide door to door service and only ask for a donation.
You really need to put your foot down over this now.

Baddz · 04/07/2015 08:14

Oh don't get me started in free bus passes!
Mum has one.
She has never used it because, of course, "you can take me wherever I need to go"
Sigh.

Jengnr · 04/07/2015 08:57

It would have been a no for me when lost wages were involved. Taking the kids out of school is ludicrous.m

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