Demanding intermediaries for DC handovers

[KDS0401]

This should really be Is She being unreasonable as I am merely a spectator

There's a big back story obviously but the short version is: estranged married couple (she's pursuing divorce, but on grounds which have been disproved/not upheld). She's refusing him ALL contact with his two children (8 & 5 year olds). Children are vocal about missing Dad, especially the eldest. Father is about to start Contact Order proceedings. Wife is insisting (via Social Services) that when he does get contact (thus already understanding that she will have to concede at some point) she does not want to see him even for a brief handover of the DCs and she wants respective family members on each side to do this. All this is 9 months down the line from the initial split. No evidence at all of DV/DA/EA from him, he adores his children and still hopes she may drop the divorce proceedings at some point. He still voluntarily gives her 50% of his income for mortgage on marital home and child support.

Opinions?

Is nine months not sufficient time to adopt a rational approach to the Father?

That totally depends on the people and the situation.
Some people just move on quicker than others. Some people stay angry for a lifetime.

When my ex abandoned me and our DS i was irrational and angry for probably getting on for a year. After that I just let go and moved on. Now he rarely enters my head.

My mum still carries some bitterness towards my dad after nearly 30 years. They get on now but she's still angry and bitter.

My friend can't even discuss her dad to her mum after a 20 year split.

Everybody handles things differently

choosing to believe certain anonymous allegations against the Father even when they have been dismissed by the authorities, including SS

Depending on what the allegations were, I may err on the side of caution. It's not like SS, the police, ect, always get things right.

Is "Spectator" a euphemism for the "OW"

Depending on what the allegations were, I may err on the side of caution. It's not like SS, the police, ect, always get things right.

This reminds me of some views expressed on the Rebecca Minnock threads. This time SS et al have got it right, believe me, I trust the Father with my children, as do friends of his.

And no, I'm not "the OW", there was no OW in this scenario, nor was there "the OM".

Have they been to mediation? They need to do that before a court application anyway and they may find a solution that way. 9 months seems a long time to wait before moving on to this stage. Has he not seen them at all?

As a 'spectator' or indeed a family member I would be supporting your sibling to do whatever is in the best interests of the children. If the split was painful then seeing the parents together - even briefly - is not going to be in the children's best interests.

Of course it's not unreasonable to request hand over is done by third parties.

In high conflict situations it's often suggested or recommended by people who advise seperated or divorcing parents.

Why wouldn't it be reasonable?

It's something I see in about 70% of parallel parenting arangements.

She does not get to dictate who she cannot force a third party to comply against their will but she can refuse to have any contact with the other parent