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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Row with DH over fan

24 replies

VeryHotAndBothered · 01/07/2015 09:32

You may have noticed it's been a bit warm the last few days.

DH and I live in a flat that retains the heat like you wouldn't believe... west facing floor to ceiling windows in living room and bedroom that get the sunlight from noon til about 7 in the evening, so when we get in from work it's usually somewhere above 30° and hasn't been below 28° for a few days.

So, for the last few nights I've had a little fan on in the bedroom to try and cool things down a bit as I don't much want to wake up in the morning in a puddle of my own sweat. DH has moaned about it the whole time... he says it's noisy and insists on having it on the lowest possible setting - he refuses to even try sleeping with earplugs in (I have to use earplugs every night anyway to block out his snoring).

Last night he got up at about 1 in the morning and switched it off. I woke up less than an hour later already sweating like a pig, and went to turn it on again, at which point he woke up and said that it was too noisy (again I suggested ear plugs, again he refused) and complained that he was too cold - I suggested he get under the duvet (he'd been on top of it the entire time) but he wouldn't, as he said he didn't want to.
In the end I got up, took my pillows, the spare duvet and the fan, and went and slept on the sofa.

So my question is, AIBU or is my not-so-DH??

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 01/07/2015 09:34

I think neither of you. It maybe better for you to sleep separately whilst this hot spell continues - you can take turns at having the bed .

molyholy · 01/07/2015 09:34

LTB

MumOfTheMoment · 01/07/2015 09:35

Well he can't help it if the noise of the fan disturbs him. And I hate earplugs.

So yabu.

Just decamp to the sofa with the fan until the weather cools down. Or tell him to.

WorraLiberty · 01/07/2015 09:37

I don't think either of you are wrong here really.

We have a ceiling fan that we both feel is too noisy, so either one of us is likely to get up and turn it off/on.

I can't wear earplugs because they give me an intense earache in my right ear.

I find a water spray (the kind hairdressers use) is a godsend. I couldn't have got off to sleep without it last night.

Sothisishowitfeels · 01/07/2015 09:41

Personally if you wear earplugs constantly for his snoring I would expect him to wear some for your fan!.

I have a fan on in the night, I am pregnant and for some reason my feet feel liek they are actually on fire overnight atm. My dh knows not to touch the fan of the swollen hot pregnant lady .

Idontseeanydragons · 01/07/2015 09:47

Neither of you are being U. I have the same problem with earplugs as the pp and although DH does wear them the noise of a fan cuts straight through him. When I was heavily pg and sweating like a pig at nights he would spend at least part of the night on the sofa due to the noise.
This heat won't last that long, I'd just work something out between you that means you can both get some decent sleep, even if it means the odd night in different beds.
For you though, I hate being sweaty at nights, I feel all horrible the next morning!

Jenda · 01/07/2015 09:50

My DP Insists on a fan almost all year round. I used to hate it and now I can't sleep without the white noise!! Not worth the hassle in this heat, just sleep separately but fwiw I think it's unfair of him not to try earplugs when you have to wear them anyway

Original poster

VeryHotAndBothered · 01/07/2015 10:56

What is making me angry is that he's just saying 'I don't want to'. He doesn't want to wear earplugs. He won't even try them. Not because they're uncomfortable or they don't work, he just doesn't want to. He doesn't want to sleep under the duvet even though he says the fan makes him cold. He won't even try and compromise!

OP posts:

googoodolly · 01/07/2015 11:06

YANBU OP. He's not even trying to compromise here, he's just saying no to everything! It would be different if he couldn't use earplugs, but he's just being stubborn.

Boot him onto the sofa and starfish on the bed with the fan tonight!

whois · 01/07/2015 11:09

He's being U not to compromise.

Kewcumber · 01/07/2015 11:12

I'd kill him.

Blame it on the heat.

JassyRadlett · 01/07/2015 11:14

Why did you take the spare duvet?

I'll admit I don't like fans at the best of times (especially those bloody oscillating ones) so I have some sympathy for him.

stinkingbishop · 01/07/2015 11:15

Hot and/or sleep-deprived and/or early hours of the morning = crotchety. In the words of Frozen (how nice would that be) let it go. We all have different tolerances for heat/noise etc and I know I for one am very protective of my sleep. So I would just alternate the sofa between you for this heatwave.

stairbears · 01/07/2015 11:17

Assuming you can't leave the curtains / blinds down to keep the sun out? You can get cheap blackout drape material in a roll on ebay.

TheHormonalHooker · 01/07/2015 11:20

I had a fan on last night so DH slept in the spare room. Usually I pull my side of the duvet back and sleep under a light blanket or sheet if he doesn't want the fan on.

You both have to compromise imo.

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 01/07/2015 11:20

Close the curtains while you're out? Or if your curtains are thin, get some of those suction blackout blinds.

Neither of you ABU. I couldn't sleep with a fan on either.

Original poster

VeryHotAndBothered · 01/07/2015 11:26

We have the blinds drawn all day, unfortunately they aren't very effective! Might give the blackout blinds a try though, I hadn't thought of that.

I was actually on top of the duvet myself last night, but that alone isn't enough to stay cool, honestly the place is like a frickin' oven!

OP posts:

Hornydilemma · 01/07/2015 11:29

When you get home, put a big bowl of ice in front of the fan the minute you get it, and switch it on (home made aircon)

Hopefully that will reduce the temp of the bedroom enough to keep you both comfy during the night without having to have it on when you are in the room.

TattyDevine · 01/07/2015 11:42

I totally feel for you, its airflow or air movement that makes all the difference when its hot, and its amazing the difference an open window and a fan makes.

He is being unreasonable in his unwillingness to compromise - not even trying earplugs (I get that not everyone gets along with them, they can make some people feel vulnerable or chlostrphobic) and not going under the duvet when he is cold FFS - that's just being pissy.

I have similar fan/window issues with my DH but the difference is we compromise better. He doesn't like the window open as he gets hayfever and it makes it worse, plus I like the curtain open if the window is and then the light comes in and his eyemask is not as good as my one. But he will wear earplugs, so we compromise and have the window open just an inch with the curtains shut, but I'm "allowed" the fan on.

So personally I think he could compromise more and its lucky we don't get these "heat waves" very often or for very long!

You could consider suggesting having a ceiling fan installed - these can be very effective and very quiet. And if he doesn't want to spend the money, you might find he is a little less hating on your small plug in fan? Might be wishful thinking for you though if he's got attitude

Anyway cheer up, it will soon be Christmas and we'll be scraping ice off our windscreens in the dark. Bring it on!

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 01/07/2015 11:43

Oh, and don't lie on the duvet - it will insulate you from underneath. Lie on the sheet and if you have a squashy mattress topper, take it off.

Also, if you have a loft hatch, open it. Heat rises, so it helps cool the place.

googoodolly · 01/07/2015 11:48

Oh definitely agree with ice in front of the fan idea. We currently have two bottles of water freezing just so we can do this tonight!

Original poster

VeryHotAndBothered · 01/07/2015 12:34

That's a nifty trick, I've never even heard of it!

OP posts:

ScorpioMermaid · 01/07/2015 12:41

If I wasn't due to give birth in less than 12 days I'd see it from both sides but seeing as Iam then HIBU.. I had a cool shower before bed last night and slept in bare minimum with no sheet/blanket/duvet etc. I did go to the bottom of the bed though with my pillow and bump wedge so inwas next to the open window which was blowing a nice breeze.

CassieBearRawr · 01/07/2015 12:43

Neither of you are being particularly U (and in this heat you're both probably a bit crabby) but yes I'd be narked he won't even attempt to compromise.

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