Re DP's comments?

[Angel1983]

I feel like I keep on posting about this man but I just feel like things are getting better and then something else happens so sorry for the rant which follows.

I was telling DP a story today about how I managed to get free train tickets because my seat was broken. He asked how it was broken but before I could respond he said something like "did you break it with your flab you fat bitch".

I was a bit upset by this comment and told him that was a horrible thing to say. He told me he was only joking and doesn't think I am fat.

AIBU to be upset by this and does anyone have any advice as to how I can handle this?

Disgusting behaviour!

LTB. Poste haste.

LTB.

Trust us all. It is better to be single than with someone who openly dislikes you.

Why are you still with him?

Yeah, for the first time I'm going to say LTB.

These things aren't often 'only' a joke and even if they were, they are never funny.

FIL says things like this to MIL. Or at least he used to, but we don't see them anymore. I assume he still does say these things to her.

Comments about her being ugly. Worst one being "take your face for a shit", which I've always hated. I don't like the woman but she shouldn't be spoken to like that by her husband.

He would always laugh after he said that one, like he'd made the best joke ever, and she would do a half-fake half-real laugh along with him. Other comments would imply that he hits her, "shut your ugly mouth or you know what happens when we get home." The man is an idiot. I don't think he's ever actually hit her, but who thinks it's funny to pretend they beat their wife?

I made it clear to DH very early on that if thought he was speaking to me that way he had a shock coming. He never has, and I don't think he ever would, even without the warning.

He was wrong OP, and he wasn't joking.

Thanks everyone. My self esteem is really low. I've put on two stone over the last year and a bit (comfort eating after the death of my DF).

I don't know if I'm strong enough to end it. I have spent the night in tears. Sorry, I'm not after attention - just some independent thoughts on the situation. I find it difficult to judge what is normal and what is not, as I have acted irrationally (according to DP) in the past so I sometimes doubt whether I am acting reasonably.

I wouldn't normally look, but you mentioned that you have other threads so I thought I'd try to get a background before trying to give my pov on your question. It does not sound like this is a good relationship for you. Have you pulled up all your threads about him and read them one after the other? It's a pattern of him being really disrespectful to you. Don't see it as a single issue each time. Look at the pattern.

This is the boyfriend who's taken a real shine to a young colleague of his who said she wants to sleep with him, has a thing for the partner of a friend and openly ogles her in front of you, tells you you act like a pycho, tells you he'll never "let another bird get her claws into him" and went on that 'adult activities' holiday with his mates?

In all honesty, I don't think things are going to get better. He's just not going to be so much of an arse once in a while, that's the best you can hope for. If that's what you're willing to settle for, that's up to you, but I think you are worth more and I hope you do too.

Don't look back. Look forward to the life you could have without him.

Let's for one second entertain the idea that it genuinely was a joke. So what? If your partner upsets you, you do not have to tolerate it.

Leave him and live the life you deserve. You do not deserve to be crying all night because you are not even sure if being called a fat bitch for no reason is reason to be upset with the person who is supposed to love you most.

Oh, so you've previously acted irrationally according to him? Mr. Reasonable, Kind, Thoughtful and Balanced?

Ho ho ho. Yes I bet you're absolutely MAD op. Totally unfair on the poor innocent well-meaning little foulmouth.

He sounds such an amazing man to have in your life. Just the kind you'd want to grow old with. A real keeper. Oh, ONLY JOKING!!!

You can do better. You could do better by drawing a face on a bag, sticking it on a broom handle and making a paper speech bubble for it saying 'Hello, I'm your boyfriend, can I make you a cup of tea?'

Stay on here and get some of the support you need - the support we ALL need when we've taken a kicking - to get rid of him. Because you can. You can get rid and be happy. Start getting that strength NOW.

No more timewasting OP, come on you can DO IT.

And I'm sorry to hear about your dad OP

Aw op

Wrt your last comment - look up "gaslighting". Does any of that ring any bells?

You'll be fine. You're stronger than you think you are right now. We're here for you.

He isnt going to suddenly wake up and change. Drip feeding is fine by me and I don't get that its a problem. Things do come to mind once you start. You carry on and if it takes another 50 posts to leave the bastard then so be it! but you do know what he is by now, right?

What the hell?! Your husband said that to you.

Cheeky bastard. I'd have given him a kamikaze baptism with my tea.

Not helpful words but just wanted you to know its dead wrong.

Kick him in the cock. then LTB.

OP I was told I always overreacted, misremembered things, 'overly dramatic'

Mine was infrequently physically abusive to but honestly, the constant belittling, control and emotional abuse was the absolute worst thing.

Your self esteem is low because you are with a shit head.
So many of us have been there. I know it's hard. You flit between insight into it and wanted to leave to being gaslighted into thinking its not that bad.
It is that bad, and you deserve better.

*too

I find it difficult to judge what is normal and what is not, as I have acted irrationally (according to DP) in the past so I sometimes doubt whether I am acting reasonably.

How very convenient for him!

What a horrible man. Please leave him. You deserve better.