To not know what to do

[AoifeBell]

My oldest and best friend has just revealed something to me and I'm really unsure as to what i should say/do if anything at all.

Bit of background

She's 28 and has a nearly 3 year old son. She's not with his dad but has a boyfriend of a year. Her boyfriend is lovely but has said from the beginning that he doesn't want kids yet, too young, wants to be married first.

They discussed contraception at the start. She went on the pill but has since come off which bf knows about. She's said they don't use condom but he pulls out when it's "time" (sorry tmi)

I told her that's still a dangerous way to prevent pregnancy. She just said "I know but it was his idea and it doesn't matter either way really I still get cum inside me" I went on about he needs to do it 1000% at the right time to stop that happening then and to stop her getting pregnant. Then the bombshell. "No. Mean after he's pulled out and left the room I use my fingers and put it inside me!"

What. The. Actual. Fuck!

I was and . She wants a baby apparently but he doesn't so that's what she does. Shocked as I never thought she was that sort of person I really never. I feel bad for her boyfriend.

I don't know what to do or if I even should but I think he should know about this!

AIBU In thinking she is bang out or order and slightly gross?

I don't think there is a condom refuser they just both dislike them. We're having a gathering today I'm going to bring it up I won't be able to help it.

Nothing for you to do, it's between them. She shouldn't be trying to deceive him deliberately and should be thinking about the child. He should be making damn sure he prevents a pregnancy if he doesn't want one. None of it any of your business.

if your partner tells you something are you really going to research it and try to debunk it?

Yes, I'm not a fool, I take absolute responsibility for my actions and the potential consequences of those actions. If I really didn't want a child I'd ensure I took as sensible a precaution as possible. Withdrawal is not reliable (and it's not the same as NFP, which involves tracking signs of fertility, etc, which clearly neither of them are doing).

lets not assume its the guys fault eh?

Not his "fault", but certainly his responsibility. Or is contraception solely a female responsibility?

He knows she came off the pill, and apparently the withdrawal method was his idea (as neither of them like condoms). Stupidity on his part, deceit on her part.

They sound like a pair of complete idiots.

I feel that he is trying to prevent by pulling out.

Then he's an idiot who had his fingers in his ears during every sex-ed class that ever existed.

The failure rate of 4 is based on 'perfect' use.

More relevant is 'typical' use, which gives a fail rate of 22.

Now, he's chosen a pretty poor method of contraception. And, if someone is actually happy with the prospect of another child, they might be happy to go along with it (on a general assumption that he knows how often it fails).

But actively sabotaging what little protective effect if has? That's a shit thing to do, and no basis for a relationship.

Let them get on with it, they're adults, and I doubt you'll get any thanks for getting (further) involved in their dysfunctional relationship.

Disgusting behaviour! She's a lowlife. He is quite foolish.