To be fed up?

[SurreyCanal]

My husband and I are on the verge of splitting up. We have a four year old daughter and have been together for 9 years.

Part of me just wants to end it. I'm just so done with both of us trying to make it work, but not getting anywhere. It's exhausting and the atmosphere is oppressive at the moment. We can't be what the other wants us to be. And we're both very unhappy and depressed at the minute from this.

But I don't want to give up. I'm not a quitter. I might not like him very much at the minute but I love and care for him. I worry about him. I want to be happy with him but I don't know if it's a pipedream.

How long should we, or can we, keep holding on? I feel unreasonable and guilty because I want to throw the towel in. It would be easiest in a way because we'd get on better as friends. Yet at the same time, the idea of us not being together makes me so so sad. Either way, it's going to be shit isn't it?

Yes short term it will be shit if you split. But with the potential to get much better. If you stay you really have no end point to this current misery you describe. Is dh as committed to trying to work it out as you are? Or would he be relieved that a decision has been taken?

He's committed to trying. But the problem is, we both know behind the scenes that things are unlikely to change in the long run. When things are good, they're great. But when it's bad, I just don't want to go home. I think we both might be clinging on and not wanting to accept this.

I could have written this post. I suggested to dh we go for counselling is that an option for you?

Dh not keen think he wants to sort it ourselves, but tbh it feels like we've been doing that for ages and am struggling to claw back my marriage. We're both going to try harder because the thought of splitting makes me sad too.

I feel like I'm on.a hamster wheel and teetering dangerously close to the edge-keep running or fall off?

Sorry to hear you're going through the same thing

I'd like to do counselling but my shift patterns and lack of family support mean we don't have a regular slot or anyone to look after DD.

Like you, I feel on the edge. I just don't want to fail at something we've invested in so heavily - emotionally and financially.

It's not failing to admit if something is not working anymore. All of that investment was not a waste, butt it's FUTURE happiness that's important. Can you see yourself being happy again if you stay together?

I feel there's a glimmer of hope for us, and that's why we are trying. If you can't see any hope for your marriage then is it really worth trying again interim? They're big scary questions I know.