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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A SAHM walks into a bar...

33 replies

Magalouf · 28/06/2015 20:38

And goes to order a round, when one of the guys in the round comes up and says 'I'll get these, I've got a job'.

AIBU to be pissed off! I said it's fine I got it, but he was pretty insistent. I didn't want a scene. He's a friend of DH, who wasn't there at the time.

OP posts:
missymayhemsmum · 29/06/2015 21:50

YANBU to be pissed off as a woman paying her way, - but maybe give him the benefit of the doubt for trying to do the right thing? He may have assumed that as a one-wage family cash is tight, or your DH may even have given that impression, and he's trying to be a supportive and generous friend?

Sallystyle · 29/06/2015 21:51

Hang on.

Didn't we have this thread yesterday?

Sallystyle · 29/06/2015 21:52

Must have been a double as the other one had more than one reply.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 29/06/2015 21:53

deja vu!

Iliveinalighthousewith2friendl · 29/06/2015 23:01

Didn't see the thread yesterday so I can't pass comment.
Without knowing him. I can't know if he was bring patronising or Caring,
Are you offended that he would not let you pay your way. Or because he said being A SAHM is not a job,
That's just his uneducated ignorance. Being a mum with out s break must be the hardest job in the world.

lostoldlogin · 30/06/2015 02:38

being a mum is not the hardest job in the world. It is not harder than any of the following

being a soldier
being a surgeon
being coal miner
being a firefighter
being a deep sea fisherman/woman

ETC

As we all well know. It really is NOT that hard, I am sorry. Looking after your own children who you love? Not that hard. Really.

lostoldlogin · 30/06/2015 02:39

Sorry, and to reply to the original thread, I expect the poor guy was just trying to be decent given that he knows that as a stay at home mother, you are not paid a wage. What an asshole, eh?

fuctifino · 30/06/2015 02:41

The original thread was deleted..... op disappeared and it became a troll hunt if I remember correctly.

TheDowagerCuntess · 30/06/2015 03:06

I missed the other thread, but the OP doesn't say anything about SAHM-dom being the 'hardest job in the world' so not sure where that rant ^^ came from.

Confused
Kytti · 30/06/2015 03:14

lostoldlogin Bit extreme?

And as for "Looking after your own children who you love? Not that hard. Really."

Loving them is easy, being a good parent can be very hard. If you think it's a piece of cake you must have a team of nannies on board.

lostoldlogin · 30/06/2015 07:50

In fact I am a working single mother. Team of nannies! Ridiculous. The rent was in reply to another poster on the tread who trotted out the "being a mother is the hardest job in the world" claptrap.

morelikeguidelines · 30/06/2015 07:53

I thought it would be "a sahm walks into a bar".. .

"and then promptly falls down in a faint to realised she has got away from the house and kids "

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 30/06/2015 08:02

I think it was misplaced kindness/joking. I mean, if you are a stay at home parent, it is assumed you have no true income, therefore do not have a job. It's not a bad thing, a bit overbaring to offer to pay on your behalf though. I would have laughed it off, said something like 'I can afford it you know, I do spend money on things other than Baby Yoga and SMA milk Wink'.

As for that 'hardest job in the world' nonsense, lost is quite right. It is tough being a parent, but not the 'hardest job', heck - it's hard work but not a job to start with.

Blu · 30/06/2015 08:10

Was he celebrating getting a new job?

Dunkyourcustardcream · 30/06/2015 10:20

I thought the same as 'morelikeguidelines' - if that was me in that situation I'd think great. No round for me I'll use the money for some nice bubble bath and a McDonald's for the kids. Cheers rich man with proper job. Wine

lostoldlogin · 30/06/2015 13:04

Yes I agree MrsGentlyBenevolent it is not a job. Woe betide anyone who points that out normally though......

TwerkingSpinster · 30/06/2015 13:11

lost, as someone who used to work in a job considered hard by your list, I can tell you bullshit. Being a sahm has been by far and away the hardest thing I've done.

StupidBloodyKindle · 30/06/2015 13:12

It might not be the hardest but without backup/support it can be the loneliest.
Soldier
Surgeon
Firefighter
Coal miner
Deep sea fisherwoman

All these jobs, bar the last one possibly (pending crew or whether you mean the amazing female divers who free dive for pearls) are all team efforts so there is a lot of camaraderie there and breaks

StupidBloodyKindle · 30/06/2015 13:13

Ooh, twerking what were you? < nosey emoticon>

SomethingFunny · 30/06/2015 13:16

I would have just said thanks?!

MorrisZapp · 30/06/2015 13:21

Can we just get to a place where we can accept that 'job' is normal/accepted parlance for 'paid job'?

This man has a paid job, regardless of how easy or hard it is. OP does not currently have a paid job, regardless of how hard or easy her days are.

Fwiw I often buy more than my fair share of drinks because I have a better paid job than some of my friends. It's something I like to do and they're happy to accept, and not turn into some weird judgement thing.

My job is pretty easy, but well paid.

NorahDentressangle · 30/06/2015 13:23

I would say it's the hardest job too.
I think it's because you have such emotional investment in the DCs and how they turn out. Also lonely with no immediate reward.

A bit like saying looking after an elderly parent is a dawdle (assuming they are not needing heavy lifting) - no, being a full time carer is draining and hard (we must all have heard of carers' health failing due to the strain) - I think it's the emotional responsibility and the lack of recognition by others, the lack of immediate reward. This results in stress big time.

Original poster
Magalouf · 30/06/2015 13:31

The original thread was deleted..... op disappeared and it became a troll hunt if I remember correctly.Shock

Jeepers I'm not a troll! I mean everyone has a first post at some stage!! I replied a few times on the last thread and then let it be. I originally posted twice by accident, hence the reason it has seemingly reappeared.

Must work on my posting techniqueWink

OP posts:
QueenBean · 30/06/2015 14:33

Being a parent is tough but it isn't a job. Certainly not harder than many actual jobs either.

Bonsoir · 30/06/2015 14:34

Being a parent is as much of a job as you are willing and able to make it.