To be so pissed off? DH's inability to make a decision...

[ShatnersBassoon]

...has ruined a surprise for me that I would have been genuinely touched by.

I'm soon leaving a voluntary role. One of my colleagues sneakily took DH to one side and told him that they were going to surprise me with a voucher as a leaving present, and wondered if there was any particular shop that would be best. He said he didn't know. So he asked me, after explaining what they had planned . He said he really couldn't think of anywhere and, "Well you must have known they'd get you something!" It wouldn't even have crossed my mind.

I'm an easy to please person. The voucher is not going to be for a very large amount, so no risk of ending up with loads of vouchers for a shop I wouldn't class as a favourite. Why the fuck couldn't he just tell them a couple of shops that everybody goes in, like Boots or M&S, or suggest a book token if he really couldn't think of a single shop? Or go away and have a think about it inside his head? . It's a lovely thing for them to do, and I feel so pissed off with him for raining on their parade.

He has a long and steady history of this. Just yesterday he had to get me to deal with a tree surgeon because he couldn't decide whether it would be best to follow the man's advice and take a dead tree out of the garden .

I feel so exasperated every time he says "I don't mind," or "You choose." I'm not a control freak, I long for him to take the reins for a bit. I often pull him up on his deferring to me, and tell him it makes me cross. I think it's laziness that makes him this way; why think when someone else can think for you?

This is such an interesting thread! Being burdened with making every single desicion everyday is draining! You have to tell him this! He might not realise! I agree with saying things like 'why are you asking me?', or 'why do I have to decide this for you?'.

I managed to get him to stop making me decide everything by asking him ''why do you need me to make this decision?''

I think this is a really good technique that I'm going to try. It's not getting cross, it gives him a chance to think about why he's deferring to me, and let's him know that I'm not happy to be burdened with all decision making, and also will make me stop to think about any valid reasons there might be for him asking me instead of assuming he's just being lazy.

I have pulled my OH up on this so many times!!

His response "Most people would be happy to be able to be the one who decides all the time" Clearly told him "most people" are just lazy sods like him.

He disagreed, So I showed him on my facebook whenever anyone commented about a nice surprise, or something their other half had done for them without prompt...etc (even just making tea for them or cleaning the bloody house) and how happy it made the other person.

Also told him that if it's such a wonderful thing, that I will leave us for a week where he decides everything. Down to what we are having for tea, and that would be an awesome week for him getting to make all the decisions.

He protested against it... I wonder why?

I totally getcha. I am the decision maker (organiser, instigator, facilitator) in our household. I am also a bit controlling too, so I guess it suits me better that I married someone whose motto is 'why do something today when you can put it off until tomorrow'. It does irk me sometimes, and likewise when DH doesmake a decision for himself it surprises and pleases me (except for when he bought me an almost identical bag from the same shop as a birthday present the third year in a row - that is just lazy and thoughtless)