To wonder what schools can actually do about bullying

[IconicTonic]

My DS has been suffering low level bullying since starting in reception (now in y1) and whilst the school have tried to deal with it nothing has really changed.

At the end of the day this child has little understanding of acceptable behaviour or empathy, and his parents opinion is that kids should sort things out between themselves and it is normal for them to rough and tumble.

Reading another thread on here about whether whole class parties should be whole class, a teacher has come on and said with the best will in the world sometimes there isn't much a school can do about certain kids.

So do you agree or have you seen strategies that have been effective?

I'm sure they contacted the other child's parents. It would be inappropriate for me to say how an other child should be handled.

There will always be people who act badly, I felt it would serve my kid well to have some tools with how to deal with it. There won't always be a teacher there to fix things.

Woohooo they started out being friends but if my DS played with other kids this boy was insanly jealous and would hit/push him.

He clearly has some issues/lack of understanding as when my DS has tried to ignore him I have seen him grab both his ams and plant his face right up to my ds' face.

My DS has tried to break their friendship in the past but always ends up feeling sorry for him as others won't play with him. Things are fine for a while then my DS does something this boy doesn't like and the boy gets frustrated and hits him.

I actually know the boy's parents well enough to know the school wanted hm to see an educational physiologist, but the parents insist there is no need.

I am stuck feeling sorry for this boy as he clearly needs help, but annoyed that the school are doing nothing to prevent my DS being attacked.

The worst occasion was the boy running up behind my DS in the cloakroom and pushing him into a wall. One of his baby teeth died as a result of this but still nothing has changed.

Very little ime, and they don't seem to want to either.

We moved to the North of Scotland and a pupil at the school picked on my DS day in and day out. He was pushed on the stairs, called names and came home with his clothes ripped. I went to the school who assured me they'd look into it. They talked to the "bully" who told them no such things happened and that was the end of the school involvement.

Now, I'm one of those lousy "hit him back" parents but in this case it wouldn't work as the child making his life a misery was a girl.

What do you do then?

I think schools can resolve it but parents have to log and email in clusters of bullying incidents as they happen so they can be dealt with. It's not enough to have one word with the teacher, every incident had to be reported

I've spoken to the teachers after every incident but it hasn't helped so far.

I have made an appointment with the headmaster so started this thread to see if my experience is normal which it sadly seems to be.

I was bullied at school in the 80s. The way they deal with it still seems to be the same as it was 30 years ago. Nothing has changed.

Ask for, or download a copy of the schools anti bullying policy.
Go through it with a highlighter, line by line.
Document every single bullying incident, who you reported to, what they said, what action was taken - dates and times.
Reference every single point in the policy to the incidents.
Send a copy to the class teacher and the head.
Ask for their response and action plan by return.
Explain that you will escalate to the governers, the education authority and your MP if things are not happening within X number of days.
IME schools are utterly pathetic about this and don't want to do anything.
You have to be assertive and make use of their own policies.

You must put everything in writing.
Generally speaking - if it isn't documented, it didn't happen.

Schools can tackle bullying, but many don't. I'm blessed to have one that does - my DD1 (yr9) was bullied, didn't want to report it because she was convinced nothing would be done. She was wrong - another girl was being bullied by the same girl and did report it. The bully was brought in to the school's support team and told in no uncertain terms that she was now on behaviour monitoring for the rest of the term and that if she was ever reported again for bullying, she would be excluded.

Not a peep from her since. It can be done very well if the school wants to do it.

I can give advice based on my experience.

Never discuss things over the phone, if its not documented it didn't happen.

If possible at the meeting have someone with you to take the minutes and ask the HT to do the same. Then get a copy of their minutes and and dispute anything that wasn't recorded or misquoted.

If you need to speak to the school, email them. Then make sure you save it. Every time something happens ask to see a copy of the record they have made.

Make sure everything from them is on headed paper and dated correctly.

Once they know you have everything in writing they will do more.

I didn;t do this until this January, at which point I found out that all the previous bullying was not recorded anywhere. The only information they could give me was an email written by the Head teacher that had just left. She wrote it at home the day we involved the police.

The New HT had her union at the meeting who ended up horrified by what they had done r rather not done.

The new Head Teacher also told us we could not meet with the Head of the Board of Govenors, which you have the right to do. So don't take what they tell you, you can and cant do as correct.

Since this incident, DD has been a lot happier. Since they know we have roof of everything, they also actually act on an incidents.

The child that bullied my dd, is leaving her alone and bullying another boy. The school denied all knowledge that the boy was a persistent bully until i went with the mother to a meeting.

We both have a meeting with the school they are all moving to in September as on the Transition days the bully hit 2 pupils.

Was bullying this rife when we had the threat of the cane? not saying we should have it back, just a thought, that's all.

Anti bullying policy is useless unless its used. Look at behaviour policy and local authority complaints precedure. This will highlight parents expectations. Follow everything up via email. It should contain ... acknowledgement of complaint, incident, witnesses if any, outcome you want .... meeting, staff member in charge, date to feed back their findings etc. Keep it factural.

I would like to see a member of staff in charge of all bullying, fully trained. O would want all reported incidents to automatically involve bully parents. Childs records maintained and a bullying file (rather than individual childrens files) kept and inspected as and when this should include follow up and outcome. .... Someone rattled my cage !!!!! (And exit interviews for parents moving children)

OP I would give the head a list of what bullying happened, along with details of teacher contact to date, along with details of how it wasn't resolved. Ask for an action plan to be emailed to you, plus their bulling policy.

If the head fails to sort it, complain to the governors copying in the LEA

You also want, in writing, what their plan is for dealing with it.

Dds school kept putting plans in place and not sticking to it.