Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Letter from the schoolw

66 replies

TiredButFine · 28/06/2015 00:42

So today I received a letter addressed " to the parents/carers of [child's full name] with my exact address.
I opened it so I could return it to the sender, I live alone and have no children. No-one else has ever lived here, it's a new build.
The letter was from a local school asking for after school club fees to be paid in respect of this girl.
AIBU to think this is really odd to address a letter like this with the child's fullname? Is this a normal thing for schools? WIBU to enclose a strongly- worded note about keeping kid's details confidential? Or do I just put "wrong address, sorry" i honestly don't know as I don't have kids!

OP posts:
chickenfuckingpox · 28/06/2015 11:57

what does the royal mail actually do with letters marked return to sender that have no address on the envelope? just curious because ive always opened mis addressed post to get the address to return it too im thinking that might be the wrong thing to do!

GlitzAndGigglesx · 28/06/2015 11:59

"Not known at this address" would've done

Original poster
TiredButFine · 28/06/2015 12:00

I only know it was a child's name because it said "to the parents / carers of x"
If it was addressed to " x"I would have just sellotaped it to the door at the entrance of the block. That's what people normally do, the they take them or the caretaker takes them.

No I don't know the background of the other people in the block,delivery people, leaflet people, or the post office workers. I don't know how the post office deal with misdirected post. But I know my background, and I know I'll now be able to return it to the correct address in a fresh envelope.

No it wasn't franked with the school's name, it has a stamp on it.

My friends with kids all say the get letters addressed from school to them, in a bag or to "mrs [partner/child's surname] which isn't their name. None new ofgetting a plain unmarked letter with no return address "to the parent's of x"

OP posts:
wooldonor · 28/06/2015 12:01

Not all schools have franking machines you know, my DCs primary school uses stamps with no return address on the outside.

LiegeAndLief · 28/06/2015 12:07

I think you opening a letter not addressed to you is far worse than what you think the school has done. Isn't it illegal? Medical letters are usually addressed like this as well, it could have contained sensitive medical information. Next time just put not known at this address and put it back in the post box.

tulipbulbs · 28/06/2015 12:21

do you live in the vicinity of a desirable school? You may receive more post referring to this child, if her parents are claiming your address.

Original poster
TiredButFine · 28/06/2015 12:31

It's not illegal to open post if you have a reasonable concern. My concern was a letter clearly containing no return details, clearly addressed to parents and so likely to have info about a child, was sent to the wrong address and needed to be returned to the sender safely.
Added to that the NSPCC internet training I explained earlier, I thought it seemed an unsafe way to send a child's info out.
I'll save you all having to flame me by saying that apparently my concern does not meet the criteria of reasonable in this case! So if it happens again I'll just send it in the post unopened.
My friends with kids didn't know of such a thing, but clearly you all do and I know there are school admin people on here hence why I asked. I wasn't going to assume it was the admin's fault without finding some more facts.

OP posts:
Original poster
TiredButFine · 28/06/2015 12:34

Yes there's a lot of schools round here, not sure if my address has been used to get a child in though! There's at least 4 primaries near and two secondaries but I'm in London so who knows how many schools in the actual catchment area.
recently I had a lot of voicemails about a boy not attending classes that I had to keep ringing the school back about and explain they had the wrong number, but that was a totally different name. I'm sure it's just a mix up- again.

OP posts:
RobinHumphries · 28/06/2015 12:49

I don't think your reason counts as a "reasonable excuse". I don't see how having a child's name and address on a letter is a child safety issue and I've done a few level 2 child protection courses.

Original poster
TiredButFine · 28/06/2015 12:56

Yup, I'm a bad person. There's literally no excuse for what I've done. It was selfish, ill thought out.

OP posts:
Original poster
TiredButFine · 28/06/2015 12:57

Please do let me know how I can make it up to you all and the people involved Biscuit

OP posts:
WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 28/06/2015 12:58

Defensive, sarky and weird response. Why bloody ask aibu if you have no intention of being told you are? Hmm

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 28/06/2015 13:28

I don't understand what anyone could do with that info anyway!

You know a name, gender (which you could generally work out from the name anyway) and the time they finish after school club at a particular school. So? If you used this info and rocked up at 4.45pm to Village Primary after school club and said you were there to pick up a girl called Jennifer Smith what exactly is going to happen? Nothing, as chn are only allowed to go with designated adults.

I'm not sure even the wiliest paedophile could use the info you have for sinister purposes.

I mean you know three out of four bits of this info for the majority of chn already - walking past the school at 3.05pm (hometime) you'll see boys and girls coming out. You only don't know their name. But even if you knew there was a child called Jennifer Smith coming out, you don't know what they look like. Is the paedophile going to stand there inquiring, 'Jenny?' of every girl who comes out?

I'm not being flippant about paedophiles or child safety - just genuinely wondering why and how the wrong person receiving this letter and knowing that information compromises the child or puts them at any risk.

Original poster
TiredButFine · 28/06/2015 19:11

You might not agree witn the reasons why I thought it was a risk, but I have given reasons, Whyaren't they acknowledged? Why isn't it acknowledged that I acknowledged that I was wrong? Why are people still asking questions to which the answers are clearly set out in my posts? Why do people keep asking me what paedos may or may not do with the info- I already answered this. Why do you think I'm trying to stop the use of the child's names being on letters?
Has anyone read all the thread? Or is it preferable to dive in disregarding the info and have a go, oh yes of course it is.
I asked wibu to put a note in. Not wibu tomopen the letter. Then agreed it was bu to have opened the letter. But feel free to keepmpiling in having a go.

OP posts:
Original poster
TiredButFine · 28/06/2015 19:15

I mean what would I know, I don't have kids. Hooray if you do, this is outside of my experience.

OP posts:
Original poster
TiredButFine · 28/06/2015 19:20

I do work which links with child protection and at times paedophiles. Obviously I'm oversensitive.

OP posts:
RiverTam · 28/06/2015 19:25

Surely the letter is going to get opened by someone for it to be returned to the sender? In which case this child's details will be out there. Why on earth the address can't be on the envelope I can't think, but then, if DD's school is anything to go by, the general ineptness and lack of initiative displayed by the school office is boggling.

AnnoyedParent22 · 28/06/2015 19:29

OP fwiw I think I see where you are coming from and not sure why you have so many people jumping on you.

I wouldn't think it was amiss to contact the school concerned and tell them you received a letter naming a child, also with their address and to make sure they amended their records accordingly.

Information like this could get into the wrong hands. Not thinking paedophiles on every corner but how about adoption/custody cases where the child's residence is kept highly confidential?

AnnoyedParent22 · 28/06/2015 19:33

Sorry, I meant the child's details with your address obviously so the letter went to the wrong person. That means the child's confidentiality wasn't breached re their place of residence obviously Blush

But still applies re child being potentially tracked by interested parties if their after school club details and attendance were sent to an address which had reason to be interested in this information...

LynetteScavo · 28/06/2015 19:37

I get letters address to The Parent of X about many after school activities, child trust funds etc.

It's normal. If anyone did infiltrate my post they could indeed find out an awful lot about where my DC go to school, attend after school clubs etc.

This does not bother me because I have safeguarding issues in place to make sure no random person runs off with my child.

They are far more likely to be kidnapped when playing outside our house than because someone has managed to gain information about their weekly routine.

Stopandlook · 28/06/2015 19:41

I'd be suspicious that someone had used my address to get into a non catchment school (I do tend to think the worst of people, a fault!)

MaggieJoyBlunt · 28/06/2015 19:41

ISWYM OP. You'd expect the school to be more careful about the address. And, yes, that convention for addressing envelopes ("Parent/carer of Susan Jones") does make it clear that the letter is about a minor, so all the more reason to be careful.

Original poster
TiredButFine · 28/06/2015 19:42

Yes thanks annoyed
the level of flaming is upsetting me as I think is clear...

And the predictable "why post if you don't like being told you were unreasonable" that's a full house for AIBU bingo! Along with my "read the thread!"

Let's hope just sending it back does no harm and little girl's parents get the message about after school club payments.

What does "trunky want a bun" mean anyway?

OP posts:
Wideopenspace · 28/06/2015 19:42

Thinking it through, actually, what is the very worst case scenario here?

Just suppose:
The person at the address (we'll call him Clarence) was an unmonitored paedophile, or an as yet to be caught child killer? A letter drops through the letter box and OH GLEE!! it is addressed to a child. Clarence drops to his knees and gives praise to god for delivering this unto his very house. Opens the letter. Clarence's joy is dissipated a bit when he realises it is a bill for after school club, rather than anything more useful, but he's a hopeful sort of fellow, so he carries on.
He realises he now has a child's name, and the details of the after school sessions the child attends at the (presumably local) primary school he has chosen to live near.

Then Clarence think 'oh fuck it, that's actually no use to me at all, because it isn't like the after school club staff are going to hand said child over to me just because I know their name, particularly as the child will look at me and say 'no, I don't know that man''

THAT is the very worst case scenario.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 28/06/2015 19:46

going off at a tangent somewhat...

I once had someone else's Barclaycard statement in with mine.
so I knew their full name, address, and what they had been spending and where. i could also have used that statement as ID.

When I phoned Barclaycard to ask them what I should do (bear in mind this was not addressed to someone else, it came in an envelope behind my page showing my address) they replied along the lines of 'oh yes this happens all the time, sometimes 2 sheets get stuck together going through the folding machine, just pop it in an envelope and send it back to us please'. I was not impressed, god knows who'd been seeing my statements!

Back to the OP, are there 2 very similar addresses in your locality eg Green Close and Green Crescent? I'd like to know how the mix up happened.

Swipe left for the next trending thread