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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU of a massive overreaction...

72 replies

Misshatter · 27/06/2015 09:08

Long time lurker first time poster, could be long...
I very very rarely drink, due to a rather awful medication that I have to take. If I do decide to drink it is quite literally one drink.
I went out last night with a friend, been out just the two of us many many times with absolutely no problems. Last night however some of my friends friends were also out.
I had decided earlier on in the night that I fancied a drink, one drink and at about 11pm ordered myself one single vodka. After my one vodka I went back to drinking lemonade/water whenever I went to the bar.
My friend however decided that when going to the bar to purchase a round they would buy me a vodka anyway. The last thing that I remember is having a huge rant at my friend for spiking my drinks.
I really don't remember leaving the pub or getting home.
I've had a text message this morning about what a great night it was and just how funny I was, I'm absolutely livid and the more I think about it the angrier I get! I keep thinking that if my friends friends weren't out then they would never have spiked my drinks.
Aibu to think that you don't spike a persons drink, nevermind someone who isn't drinking for medical reasons!

OP posts:

NRomanoff · 27/06/2015 12:07

At the moment we don't even know if the drink was spiked. Maybe she had a reaction to the first one. Op hasn't said friend defintley did it. Op hasn't said whether she is assuming they gave her another vodka or she is just assuming as she has been ok with just one in the past

nilbyname · 27/06/2015 12:11

I think it's a leap to say they spiked you!!!

I think it's a misunderstanding.

CainInThePunting · 27/06/2015 12:19

Of course YANBU, that is appalling behaviour.
It was a complete disregard for your safety and health.
You could easily be in hospital right now or worse, if an abusive person had decided to take advantage of your incapacity you could have been raped and/or killed. It's not unheard of so you are absolutely justified in being extremely angry.
For your friend to laugh at you and say how funny it was that you were ranting at them for spiking your drink is not the behaviour of any friend you need in your life.
I would be reviewing the friendship and considering whether it was worth maintaining.

NinkyNonkers · 27/06/2015 12:21

It seems fairly clear from the OP that friend knew about the medication as they had been out before with no probs. And that same friend decided to buy her vodka anyway on next round. Friend was either cruel or a thoughtless drunk, neither particularly appealing in a friend.

NRomanoff · 27/06/2015 12:26

It's not clear. Op said friend decided and that after that all she can remember is th spiking her drink.

If she knew before that and chose to drink it, then it wasn't spiked. She can't remember what happened after so didn't find out then. So up to this point we don't know that the friend clearly spiked Her. She posaibly did but more info is needed

HarrietVane99 · 27/06/2015 12:32

Isn't customary to ask what people want when buying a round? OP had one vodka. The rest of the evening she was drinking lemonade or water. Why should anyone assume she wanted another vodka, or even know she had the first one, since she bought it herself?

Even if it was an honest mistake, as in she was given the wrong drink, friend, who presumably knows op doesnt normally drink, should be asking if she's ok this morning, not talking about how 'funny' she was.

diddl · 27/06/2015 12:54

I'm also confused.

"My friend however decided that when going to the bar to purchase a round they would buy me a vodka anyway."

Vodka disguised with something else?

If it was the same as you had had, why did you just not drink it?

fastdaytears · 27/06/2015 12:58

People are definitely odd about alcohol and I remember when I wasn't drinking having to give away a lot of drinks bought for me by forgetful/drunk/pushy people and I guess it's annoying, but unless I was told it was water or whatever and somehow didn't notice, I wouldn't call it drink spiking. OP hasn't explained what the friend actually said when they handed over the drink, or whether there was any scope for misunderstanding in the drink ordering discussions

ethelb · 27/06/2015 16:42

I was paraphrasing settlerofcatan and suggesting they were being a victim blamey dick. Rtft

Jux · 27/06/2015 17:39

I think being sent a text saying how funny op was the night before, indicates that the 'friend' wasn't being much of a friend. If I had accidentally bought alcohol for someone who couldn't drink it, especially due to medication, then in the morning I'd be feeling sick with guilt and worry that my friend was OK. i'd be sending texts asking if she was OK, and apologising, not texts telling her what a larf we had had over her drunken state.

Your friend's friends are twats, and your friend is 12.

The5DayChicken · 27/06/2015 17:58

She can't be much of a friend if your automatic assumption is that she spiked your drink OP. There are endless ways you could have ended up with an alcoholic drink.

Bar tender mis heard the order.
Friend mis heard your request.
Friend had a brain fart at the bar and accidentally ordered a vodka and lemonade without realising (very easily done if paying in rounds).
Bar tender had a brain fart and assumed you'd be having what was previously ordered for you.
You accidentally asked for a vodka without realising (easily done if you're chatting and have already had one drink).

At no point have you stated that she presented this drink to you as non alcoholic while knowing it contained vodka.

At no point have you said that you thought this second drink was non-alcoholic after it was given to you.

I rarely drink vodka and can easily taste a single measure in a pint of lemonade. I think it would take quite a bit of lemonade for most people to miss the fact that it had vodka in it.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 27/06/2015 18:19

I agree with posters above, it's a bit difficult to know whether it was an honest mistake/mixup or indeed a deliberate order to get the OP drunk/ill. Buying a big round, it's easy for the bar staff to get it wrong or the drinks to end up in a big pile in the middle of the table. Obviously vodka and lemonade looks a lot like lemonade! Plus, when drinks are bought by drunk people, they might have no idea really what they're ordering, or really what they're getting.

As it was your good friend who went to the bar, I'd talk to her about it. If she still finds it funny, then you've got your answer.

nikinaki · 27/06/2015 18:22

to the posters who are saying they are confused by mine and other posters attitudes. The op hasn't made it very clear what exactly happened! let's have her come back and explain more before we all jump to conclusions. It came across to me that it was the friend of a friend who got the round in. And honestly if I knew I couldn't drink, I would have asked is this just lemonade, when given the drink. did you also not notice quite early on? you must have drunk quite a few to not remember the night

NoArmaniNoPunani · 27/06/2015 19:21

I don't think the OP is coming back

DancingHat · 27/06/2015 19:57

They are not friends.

People who pressure others into drinking are arseholes.

People who can't have a good night unless everyone is drinking are boring wankers.

People who buy their friends alcoholic drinks when they know their friends are on medication which is affected by alcohol are twats to be given a wide berth. YANBU.

CainInThePunting · 27/06/2015 20:36

I wouldn't be surprised if the OP doesn't come back, some posters' accusations and interrogation is really unpleasant.
If I were out with a friend who suddenly got angry with me and accused me of spiking their drink, I would be mortified and tell them I hadn't or if I might have done by mistake I would apologise.
My text the next day would be one of concern; "Are you ok? I really did not spike your drink" or "I'm so sorry, I don't know how there was mix up of drinks, I really hope you are ok."
I absolutely would not text to say "Oh you were so funny last night"
OP has said she is livid and is also possibly feeling betrayed, humiliated or hurt and posters on this thread are being plain nasty.
Why would anyone bother to come back to it?

NoArmaniNoPunani · 27/06/2015 20:41

I agree Cain. I just hope she's ok and hasn't spent the day being ill.

nikinaki · 27/06/2015 23:19

She did post in aibu. people want to know more to be able to make accurate judgements. Perhaps they did spike her and if that is the case then of course she is not being unreasonable. but she hasn't stated that. she also didn't mention that they were pressuring her into drinking, as others seem to be saying

Jux · 27/06/2015 23:20

Exactly, Cain. Making a mistake which could be very serious does not generally bring about hilarity the next day, unless you're very immature, very stupid, or just plain nasty.

nikinaki · 28/06/2015 12:20

OP did you reply to your friend? I hope it was a mix up and that she didn't do it on purpose. And I hope that you are feeling okay.

flipyoumelonfarmer · 28/06/2015 12:58

As someone who doesn't drink, I'd say it's really, really unlikely to have been a mistake. On the rare occasions I go out to a pub you wouldn't believe how often I ask for something non-alcoholic - or just say no thanks to a drink right now - and someone comes back from the bar and hands me some random alcoholic drink, because they've decided I probably did want one really. People are really weird when it comes to non-drinkers.

Bunbaker · 28/06/2015 13:04

If someone said to me they just wanted a coke or a lemonade when it was my round that is what they would get. I don't understand why people think they should dictate what other people should drink in a pub or bar.

When I go out with my friends usually one of us is driving or has to get up early and none of us has a problem with that.

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